


Hopeless place

by Daryl_Alenko



Series: Pitter Patter Verse [1]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Getting Together, M/M, Madison Miller Bonding, Mpreg, Not for Keller fans, Post Series
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-17
Updated: 2018-11-21
Packaged: 2019-04-24 08:26:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 61,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14351691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daryl_Alenko/pseuds/Daryl_Alenko
Summary: With Atlantis stuck on Earth, relationships are recalculated and old Ancient devices come into play that change the out looks of many futures.





	1. Conception

**Author's Note:**

> This is an Mpreg fic that takes place after the series ends. 
> 
> Title taken from the song We Found Love, by Boyce Avenue.

* * *

Rodney McKay is pacing. Not exactly a new or exciting way to spend his time, because he has often been known to pace when things are becoming more than he can handle. Though more often than not, such an action occurs when he is in his private quarters, not when he's standing in the gateroom of Atlantis. (And can he just say that it is still beyond surreal to be back on Earth!? He finds himself stuck in a sort of emotional rut when dealing with Atlantis in the Milky Way.)

He is pacing because Jeannie is coming. It will be the first time he's seen his sister since the kidnapping incident, and he is still so unsure of what kind of reception he will face where she is concerned. She's his sister, and he -knows- that she loves him, but she also seems to barely tolerate him. If something happens between them, he cannot run to another galaxy to lick his wounds and recover. She's now just in his backyard, so to speak, even if she needs permission to board Atlantis. If something happens between them, he's 100% sure that Sheppard would let her on in a heartbeat to give him a hard time. (This is, apparently, a part of being friends that he has never had a close enough friend to encounter it with. The 'teasing' and 'giving a hard time' stuff.)

"Rodney!" Speak of the devil. When Rodney stops pacing long enough to glance to his left, he sees a narrow-eyed Sheppard slouching, arms crossed over his chest as he glares at him. "If you don't stop pacing, I'm going to trip you. Then laugh." And he would, too! There is no doubt in his mind that Sheppard would trip him, and then smirk and laugh as he tried to pick himself up, off the ground. Of course, he'd do the same thing to the Colonel, so he can't really complain. Theirs is an odd friendship, that he wouldn't change for anything in the world.

"Sorry, Colonel, not all of us have the out-of-the-world confidence that you do, flyboy!" He snaps the words, but there's no heat behind them. Because -this- is comfortable and -simple-. THIS is -them- and that's all that matters. Jeannie visiting, the fate of Atlantis .. none of that matters while he and Sheppard are sniping back and forth.

"No, you just have an ego the size of Atlantis, McKay." Sheppard's smirk is somehow both sassy and soft all at once, and Rodney lives for moments like this. For the moments where Sheppard so effortlessly makes it all better. He finds himself relaxing into a more natural stance, his arms folding over his chest as his little smile tugs at the corners of his mouth.

"I --" He nver gets the chance for a comeback, because Sheppard reaches up to touch his earwig, his smirk morphing into an almost sweet smirk.

"Yeah, this is Sheppard .. okay. We're ready." He looks over to Rodney as he speaks, mimes taking a deep breath, and then glances to the open space in front of the Stargate. Rodney is still nervous, but less so now that Sheppard has reminded him that things will be okay. No matter what, Jeannie is his sister, and they will always love one another.

The air shifts the barest bit, a vague feeling of electricity ghosting across their spines. Once unoccupied space is suddenly filled with living, breathing people as they are beamed onto Atlantis.

"Mer!" The hated nickname is the first word out of her mouth, of course it is. How could it be anything else?? No matter how many times he tells her that he -hates- that name, and nickname, it is the only thing she will address him by. If he tries to tell her that it's his name and he has a right to choose what he will be called, she tells him that he's being selfish and that -she- is allowed to decide how -she- will address him, no matter how -he- feels about it. (Actually, there is something about the way she describes it, that makes him think about Jennifer and how -she- always says that any time he disagrees with her, -he- is being selfish. Funny how that goes, huh?) "I don't think I'll ever get used to traveling that way." She moves to hug him, a tight, brief action, before she is turning away and zeroing in on Sheppard. (He knows that his sister likes the Colonel more, but it still silently hurts when she does things like this.)

"It's an odd form of travel." Sheppard beams in his cool, laid back way, awkwardly returning Jeannie's hug even as Rodney turns to hold a hand out to his Brother-in-Law. 

"Caleb." He is secretly proud of himself for getting his name right and not resorting to the 'insult' of calling him that English Major. Caleb smiles, small but genuine. Before Rodney can say much more, though, he has a small limpet stuck to his waist. He looks down into Madison's excited, upturned features. No matter how hard he might -try- to be sour and unapproachable at times, all of that goes right out the window when his niece is staring at him.

"UNCLE RODNEY!!" He flinches at the exuberant volume of her voice, because it echoes around the half-empty gateroom, but he doesn't really care. He lifts her up into an awkward hug, managing not to yelp when she wraps her arms around his neck and hugs almost painfully. 

"Hello, brat." He mumbles through pursed lips that are hiding the large smile he wants to wear at her presence. "Little tight, Maddy." The words are met with an enthusiastic giggle from the little girl, followed by a shrill shriek of happiness when she spots Sheppard sidling up to them.

"Uncle Shep!" She manages to pull one arm free of Rodney to immediately wrap around Sheppard's neck. Where the hug with Jeannie had been awkward, he slides an arm easily around Madison and leans into her, grinning his happiest grin. Rodney only ever sees this grin on three occasions -

1) When Sheppard climbs into a Puddle Jumper  
2) When they are on the pier, drinking  
3) When he has a chance to see/speak to Madison

"Heya, Maddy-girl." Sheppard's closeness to Madison means that he's squeezed against Rodney's shoulder, the two of them sharing space as they fawn over the child.

"Uncle Shep, Uncle Rodney ... do I get a present!?" She practically wiggles in their arms, causing both men to chuckle, Caleb to snort with laughter, and Jeannie to give an exasperated sigh.

"Madison, you know better!" She chastises, even as Sheppard turns his head to Rodney and winks.

"Now, would we be old meanies and not get you anything, Maddy-girl?" Sheppard teases, even as Rodney's cheeks fill with a blush. Because he -knows- what's coming!

"Uncle Rodney did!"

"-One- time I forgot, brat, and that was the -first- time we met. I didn't know the rules, yet." He's pouting, a fact made obvious by the fact that his mouth is turned down at the edges, his eyes are scrunched slightly, and his cheeks are a little sunken.

"It's not a -rule-, Mer, you just let her get away with it." Jeannie's taunt is ignored by both men. Sheppard, because it's not his place to say anything, no matter how much he wants to. And Rodney ignores her because once again, she said Mer instead of Rodney.

"Let Uncle Rodney go, little bit." Sheppard coaxes, and once the child is back on her own two feet, he pulls a package out from his back pocket. He kneels down to her level and holds it out to her, watching as her eyes light up. 

"Thank you, Uncle Shep!" She squeals happily as she tears the black (surprise surprise) wrapping paper off. Laying inside is a pink and red digital camera, causing her to gasp as she yanks it up to look at.

"Now remember, Maddy-girl, any pictures you take here, your Mom has to look over, okay? People aren't supposed to know about Atlantis, yet. It could get your Uncles in trouble." Madison nods enthusiastically, already fiddling with the camera as Rodney holds out her next present.

"Here you go, brat. Hope you enjoy." He shifts uncomfortably. Partially because he's worried that she won't like his gift, and partially because he's very uncomfortable doing all of this in the gateroom.

"Thank you, Uncle Rodney." She beams up at him, carefully placing the camera in her pocket before she tears the blue wrapping off her next present. Another round of squealing is followed by happy little sounds of excitement as she pulls free the Scrap book with her name emblazoned on the front. The color scheme of the front of it and the pages are the same color as the camera. 

"We picked them out together, so that you can chronicle your time here with us. How's that sound?" She carefully sets the scrap book down and throws her arms around their waists, hugging them tightly. Each man places a hand on her shoulder, beaming at her.

"Thank you, Uncles!" She's practically glowing and Rodney finds himself looking at Jeannie for approval. She looks shocked, confused and then thoughtful for a moment. Caleb doesn't seem the least bit surprised by it all. 

"You're welcome, brat." Rodney grins, not as smug as he would usually be about things, just genuinely happy.

"Glad you like it, Maddy-girl." Sheppard grins, shifting uncomfortably but still beaming at the child as he pats her shoulder.

"Well, it looks like a tour of Atlantis is in order, now." Caleb walks over to scoop Madison up, letting Jeannie grab the scrap book for now. "Where to first, Rodney?" Before the scientist can answer, however, the rather peevish clearing of a throat garners the attentions of Sheppard, McKay, and the Millers.

Jennifer Keller is standing to the side, red faced and angry. Even her usually docile, kind eyes are sparking with upset as she stares at the family scene. Though, her eyes seem to bounce between Sheppard and McKay more than the Millers. 

"Oh. Oh! Right." The scientist quickly walks over to the angry woman, hand waving in the direction of his family to summon them over. Caleb hesitates, Madison tensed in his arms, but Jeannie quickly grabs her husband and hauls him in Keller's direction. "Jeannie, Caleb, Madison, this is Jennifer Keller, the medical leader of Atlantis. Jennifer, this is my family, the Millers." Keller waits patiently for a moment, watching as Rodney seems to remain completely oblivious to the pointed looks of the group. The grown ups are waiting for him to finish the introduction, while Madison is simply waiting for the strange woman to go away.

When Rodney -still- doesn't seem to understand, Keller elbows him subtly in the ribs, causing him to glare at her momentarily before understanding dawns.

"Erm, right. Yes, she's my girlfriend." Even he is able to feel how awkward the situation gets with that admission. Jeannie's eyes widen, Caleb's mouth falls open, and somewhere in the background, unnoticed, Sheppard tenses.

"Oh. Okay. It's, uhm .. nice to meet you, Dr. Keller." Jeannie and Caleb shake her hand, but when Keller goes to smile at Madison, she shoves her face against Caleb's chest.

"Maddy." Surprisingly, it is Sheppard's voice that chastises her behavior, the Colonel appearing on Rodney's unoccupied side to frown at the child.

"I got you a present, Maddy." Keller holds out an oblong box done up in bright pink paper with a white bow on it. Caleb has to coax the girl to take it. When she does, she carefully opens it, blinking in surprise at the box of a barbie. Madison looks from the box to Jennifer, her little smile completely gone.

"Only my -Uncles- call me Maddy, and I don't play with Barbie anymore. Uncle Rodney says they are unrealistic and form rigid, unbending gender stereotypes, so I shouldn't play with them .. but thank you." Sheppard -swears- he hears a bit of Rodney's sarcasm and sass in that thanks and it makes him a little proud of the girl, though he doesn't comment on it. He'll save that for later, when he can high five the girl without the rest of her family killing him.

"Maddy, be nice." Rodney hisses at his niece, before he turns an apologetic smile on Keller. "Though, she's right. I told you that a Barbie really wouldn't be to her liking, Jennifer." As usual, the scientist shows no tact, and the anger on Keller's face increases.

"Well, excuse me, Rodney, but every normal little girl I've ever known has liked Barbie. It seemed like the right choice! It's not like you offered to -coordinate- with me like you did with the -Colonel-!" The entire gateroom goes quiet at Keller's words. Jeannie and Sheppard both look ready to confront the woman for insinuating that Madison is anything -less- than -normal- because she doesn't want the doll. Caleb looks too stunned to form words, and Rodney ... yeah, the scientist looks every bit as if he's on the warpath ready to face down a -Wraith- rather than his supposed girlfriend.

"Real nice, Jennifer. So, my niece isn't -normal- because she doesn't want your crappy doll!?" He grabs the doll and all but shoves it into Jennifer's hands, seething. "Well then fine. Here. Take it back. She doesn't need some false image to live up to, anyway. And further more --" Madison's sudden wailing cry, followed by the downpour of tears across her stricken features is enough to cut the fight off. Rodney immediately turns his back on Keller to step to Caleb and Madison's side, but Sheppard is already there. The Colonel places a hand gently on her shoulder blades, rubbing a soothing circle there.

"It's okay, Maddy-girl." He murmurs encouraging, feeling Rodney and Jeannie crowding in to comfort the agitated girl.

"Uncle Shep .. I'm tired. Can .. can we please go, Uncle Rodney?" The soft note of pleading in her weary voice tugs at all of their heartstrings, and her two Uncles are already nodding their agreement.

"Sure, Maddy. Sheppard and I picked out the perfect quarters for you and your folks. You're halfway between our rooms. While you get your nap, your parents can get settled in, and then, after you wake up, we can go exploring together. Sound good?" At her tired nod, he leans forward to kiss her forehead, before he nods to Sheppard. The Colonel reaches out to take the Miller's bags and leads them out of the gateroom and toward their temporary quarters.

Rodney turns on his heels, glaring daggers at Keller. Looking every inch the pissed off Papa Bear, despite Maddy being his niece and not his daughter. The same familiar protectiveness is there.

"You made my niece cry. I -tried- to tell you that stupid Barbie wouldn't work, but rather than -listen- to me, you spent ten minutes trying to convince me that I was being rude, mean, and pigheaded rather than -admitting- that -I- might know -MY- niece better than you do. So now, she's tired, cranky, and crying. Her first memory of being on Atlantis will -always- include you telling her that she's -not- normal because she doesn't like some stupid damn doll. Thanks for that." With all of that anger vented, he turns and stalks off in the direction his family retreated.

Leaving a gape-mouthed Keller staring after him.

* * *

For the second time in an hour, Rodney is pacing. This time, he's doing it up and down the corridors of his home, outside the room his family has been assigned for their visit. The sight of Madison's tears had upset him far more than he thought possible. Some part of him wanted to physically lash out and he's really not used to feeling that way. His reactions tend more toward the intellectual and verbal than the visceral and physical.

His own reactions have ... betrayed him, in a way, and he doesn't like it. It's far too similar to what happened with Second Childhood and that happening still gives him nightmares. The complete loss of his body and his intellect had been a certain kind of hell that he will never fully escape. It will always be creeping up on him in the shadows, haunting him.

"Rodney." Sheppard's voice cuts through his thoughts, tearing him away from that edge of darkness to which he always seems to hover these days. Though Pegasus Galaxy had become home, it is also the source of his nightmares. And yet, it has been -worth- it! He glances over to his friend when he feels a light, concerned touch of a hand on his shoulder. It seems they have begun to do this more often since Atlantis came to Earth. Giving each other small, reassuring touches like this. "Madison made me -promise- to -inform- you that you owe her -three- stories at bedtime, because you weren't there to tuck her in for naptime. If I am feeling magnanimous enough, and that word is -all- her, then I can take one of those stories, but when am I -ever- magnanimous, McKay?" By the end, it's obvious that Sheppard is joking and this works to calm more of his anger than anything else. 

"God, that kid has got a brain on her! The only chance of anyone being smarter than her, would be if I had a kid myself." A prospect that shakes Rodney to the core, as he is unsure how he feels about the idea. Sheppard is rather enchanted at the thought. A little Mini-McKay running around Atlantis, bossing the Scientists around, bringing Atlantis to life just like Rodney does.

He is so swept away by the image, that he nearly misses McKay's continued speech.

"But, since that will never happen, I guess Maddy gets to be the hope of our future." Wait, what!? It takes several long, pregnant pauses for Sheppard to actually comprehend what his best friend has said and he is immediately filled with a bone-deep sort of sadness at the thought.

"What? Why? Shouldn't it be your .. civic -duty- to ensure another little genius is running around with your genes, Rodney?" Sheppard winces in horror when he realizes that he sounds a little petulant, but he can't help it. It feels like a personal slight, somehow, that Rodney doesn't plan on having kids.

"Well, yes, in some ways, I supposed it could be looked at that way, Sheppard, but it's not going to happen. Having children and passing on my genes requires a female participant, and lets be real ..... that just isn't going to be an option. I'm too old to be a Dad and too busy with work for the same. I would be a -terrible- Father." That hurts worse than everything else. Hearing Rodney talk about himself in that light creates a physical ache deep inside of him.

He reaches out, snags his best friend by the nape of the neck and spins him around so that he is facing the door his family is behind.

"There's a little girl currently taking a nap behind that door that would disagree with you, buddy. In fact, if Maddy heard you say that you wouldn't be a good Dad, or that you're too old to be a Dad ... pretty sure she'd call you a moron in a perfect imitation of your Minion Lecturing Voice." He waits semi-patiently for the words to sink in and is rewarded with a blinding smile from the scientist when they do.

"You're right, I think I would make a decent Father. Better than my own, at least. And there would always be those willing to help. Our team, Caleb and Jeannie. But, there is still the matter of a woman to this imbalanced equation." There are -so- many things the Colonel wants to say to all of this. Rodney would be a wonderful single parent, because as he said, he'd have all of Atlantis to help. And even the Athosians, once they get back to Pegasus. There's also the fact that he just can't see any woman being good enough for his friend. Katie wasn't, and Jennifer isn't, either. Her display in the gateroom and Maddy's tears are proof of that. But he can't really -say- any of that out loud. So, he squeezes the nape of Rodney's neck and then gently lets go.

"What, you and Keller haven't discussed it?" He really doesn't want to know the answer to that. He doesn't want to see the ring Rodney is undoubtedly holding on to. (Having Katie's ring sprung on him had nearly given him a heart attack!) He doesn't want to stand there and listen to the loving details of the life the two of them are planning together. However, Rodney McKay is his best friend, and he will put up with any and all of the above for him. That's what best friends are for!

"Of course we have. It was the worst fight we've had to date, actually." That wasn't what he was expecting, really. Every one knew that the two had their ups and downs, that they often fought whenever Keller didn't agree with the way that Rodney was acting, but he didn't think it was anything too serious. "She wants kids, but she also thinks that Atlantis is the worst possible place to raise any. She said something that was unintentionally unflattering toward Teyla for being willing to raise her son here and it pissed me off enough to call her out on it. We fought, and my last rejoinder was that I would never raise kids with someone I fought so much with. It would make me like my own parents and that just isn't ever going to happen." 

Sheppard sighs, wishing he had the emotional ability to help his friend with all of this, but he doesn't. So, he does the only thing he can .. tries to be heartfelt and hope it's good enough.

"There are so many worse places to raise a kid, and Earth counts as one of them, depending on where you live. Atlantis would be a great home for any kids you ever have, buddy, and honestly, you would be a great Dad. Don't let anything Keller has told you get you down, okay?" He squeezes his shoulder again, before he lets go, taking a few steps back. He doesn't want to, enjoys his place right inside of Rodney's personal space, but he knows better, most of the time.

"Thank you, Sheppard." 

"Come on, buddy. Lets go do something until it's time to show them around." He turns and leads him out of the corridor, unable to stop smiling.

* * *

Three hours later, and the Millers are sitting in the Mess Hall. Three tables have been pushed together and are now crowded with people. Caleb and Jeannie are sitting between Teyla and Ronon. Sheppard and Rodney are across from them, Madison settled easily in Rodney's lap. On either side of them, Amelia and Radek are eating, with Lorne at one end of the table and Woolsey at the other end. Dinner had gone from a quiet, 'family' affair to a loud, homey one that has both Sheppard and Rodney basking in the simple contentment of it all.

Madison has been the kind of centre of attention young kids like, soaking up all of the compliments, teasing, and general fun to be had. Even Woolsey had shed some of his stuffed-shirt persona to engage the young girl in playful ways.

"Mr. Woolsey?" When the older man turns to Madison with a warm smile, she holds out her bowl of cherry jello, causing him to give a perplexed smile. "Thank you for eating with us." It takes a moment for the man to realize that the jello is part of the thank you. He gives a bit of an awkward smile, but takes the small bowl.

"Thank you very much, Madison, for allowing me to join you, little miss." She beams at him before she curls back up in her Uncle's lap. Without missing a beat, Rodney gently places his bowl of jello in front of her, while he continues conversing with Teyla. John smirks vaguely at the kind move, before he leans down to whisper to the girl.

"Now, don't you go forgetting, Maddy-Girl ... -we're- your favorites." He stealthily indicates himself and Rodney, causing the girl to giggle cutely at him.

"Duh, Uncle John. You and Uncle Rodney are the best, always." John leans down to lightly butt his forehead against hers, his jello joining Rodney's before he straightens up.

"I must say, Colonel. This is a side of you I was not aware existed." Woolsey's words cut through the current conversation, causing all eyes to land on him. Sheppard quirks a brow, waiting for some kind of clarification that is not long in coming. "I know that you have always had a soft spot for the Athosian young, but it is nice to see you so familial with someone. Every one needs family of some sort, I'm glad to see that you have found that." John's gaze drops to the top of Madison's head while he's trying to decide if he should be flattered or insulted. 

"He does seem kinda different, doesn't he?" Jeannie's sudden addition to the conversation has him tensing slightly, though he's well trained enough not to telegraph the movement. "I mean, talking Meredith into coordinating with you on Madison's gift was just so sweet, John." Those words do it. They break some dam deep inside of the Colonel. He takes a deep breath and pushes his tray away.

"Okay, that's it. First off, -stop- calling him Meredith. I know for a -fact- that he's asked you dozens of times to stop, and seeing as it's -his- name, he has every right to what he's called. It's common courtesy to be -nice- to someone about that kinda thing." From the corner of his eye, he sees Rodney sort of ... curl into himself and it makes him so -mad-! "Secondly! It was Rodney's idea to get her the scrap book, and when I couldn't think of what to get her, he suggested the camera, so that they matched. -Rodney- loves Maddy more than anything, so stop acting like he's just waiting to disappear." He carefully stands, reaches over to take Maddy into his arms. He kisses the top of her head and then carefully places her in the seat he had just vacated before he grabs Rodney by the arm and hauls him up, out of the chair. 

"Hope every one enjoys their meal. Come on, buddy." He turns and guides Rodney away from the table, away from Jeannie, and toward the exit of the mess. 

"You didn't have to do that, Sheppard." The scientist sounds tired and defeated and Sheppard really just wants to turn around and tear into Jeannie until she's as wounded as his best friend. "She's not going to stop. She has a reason for disliking me, for worrying that I'm going to disappear, and --"

"No. Just no, Rodney. Either she's grown up and forgave you like she said, or she's still a little kid holding it over your head. She can't have it both ways. Hell, -Maddy- is better at forgiving things at this point, than she is." He shuffles his best friend into the transporter and taps the display to take them to the sleeping quarters.

"I just don't know, Sheppard. I had hoped that this visit would .. well, go a lot better than this." God, he can't help but -ache- for his best friend. Whoever can take a good look at Rodney McKay and be completely convinced that he's an arrogant coward incapable of thinking about -anyone- but himself, is an utter moron and they don't -deserve- a chance at his friendship.

"Well, if nothing else, Maddy is loving her time here, Rodney, and that's a big bonus. Even Caleb seems to like Atlantis. If Jeannie wants to be difficult, let her. Just ignore her. Atlantis is plenty big enough for the both of you." He winces a little at the dubious look Rodney gives him and yeah, he knew as soon as he finished speaking that that wasn't necessarily true. If there is one group of siblings that could fight over a distance as huge as Atlantis, it would be the McKays. 

"Right. Lets just forget I said it. Don't want the two of you making a challenge of it." He dodges the half-hearted attempt at a smack to his shoulder, grinning because at least he seems to have pulled Rodney from his funk a bit. "Speaking of Atlantis, I have an idea." He can't stop himself from lighting up as he says this, because he -loves- his idea. It combines his two favorite things ever .. Rodney and Atlantis. "Go get changed and grab your tablet, buddy. We're gonna go look at those labs you've been raving about." 

Thank the Ancients, he gets the exact reaction he had been expecting. Rodney's eyes widen and his mouth falls open slightly. His hands are racing through the air instantly, his enthusiasm exaggerated and wonderful as always.

"Oh my god, YES! Thank you, John!" The rare use of his first name causes a shiver through his body and a grin to light his face as he watches the scientist. "I'll meet you at the transporter in 15." Rodney then turns and races off toward his room, leaving a smirking Sheppard behind. It's not much, of course. He can't erase Jeannie or Keller's behavior, but he can do his best to make sure that his best friend knows he will -always- be there for him, no matter -what- happens.

* * *

Sheppard is bored! There is no two ways about it. He's bored out of his damn mind and there's little to do about it! He chose to make the sacrifice, after all. To give up whatever evening he may have had in favor of accompanying Rodney on this little exploration mission in Atlantis. Usually, any time spent getting to know more about their city has been a plus in his book, but it's extremely boring this time. 

He glances away from his best friend, trying not to yawn as he looks around the small lab they had found. So far, they have stumbled across little of import. Two consoles that appear to be useless, at least until Rodney can dissect them and see what might be wrong. 

"Sheppard!?" The sound of his irate scientist pulls him back from the fugue state his boredom has caused, snapping him to attention as he turns to face his friend. "Have you heard a single word I've said?" He knows that he should probably feel guilty. At least a -little- bit, but he really, really doesn't. He could also lie, BS his way through it and make it seem as if he knows exactly what was said. Or, at the very least, convincingly change the subject, but he doesn't do any of that. Instead, he offers up his cutest, most sheepish smile and shrugs his shoulders playfully.

"Honestly? Not a word, Rodney. Sorry, buddy. What were you saying?" There are about half a dozen different ways one could expect Rodney McKay to react to such a thing, but the one Sheppard hadn't expected, is his laughter. Rodney snorts and then lets go with a loud, happy laugh and the Colonel has no -clue- what he did right, but he definitely counts that laugh as a WIN! He practically lights up with happiness as he watches his best friend.

"That's alright, Colonel. Luckily, it was nothing important." Rodney turns away then, a smile still warming his handsome features as he goes back to studying his tablet. John finds himself feeling warmer and far less bored. In fact, he is suddenly content to lean his hip against the closest console and merely watch his friend work. 

He can see the struggle on Rodney's face, despite the fact that he can only see him in profile. The way his cheek twitches under his eye. The way his lashes flutter, his nose wrinkles ... even the way his hand hovers for a moment before flying over the screen of his tablet again. The poor scientist is -dying- to break the silence and it is too funny. He simply can't stand the quiet, especially if Sheppard is around. (Something John hasn't been able to figure out, yet. Why Rodney seems so desperate to fill the silence when he's around. At first, he thought it was because the scientist didn't like him or didn't trust him. But after the man convinced him to shoot him in the leg and toss him off a balcony to test a personal shield, those thoughts kinda went out the window. Now, he hasn't a clue why he seems to make the other man nervous. Best friends should -not- be nervous around each other.)

Quietly, the Colonel begins a count down. Gently, he taps his thumb against his unoccupied hip. Then his pointer finger. Index finger. Ring finger .. he's just about to tap his pinky when it happens.

"Why on Earth are you just -staring- at me!? Do I have something on my face? Did I accidentally put on a dirty shirt? Maybe there's a smudge on my arm?? Whatever it is, tell me already!" Rodney has placed his tablet on the console he had been hovering over, his hands weaving a tapestry of playful impatience through the air as he turns to stare him down. Sheppard only smiles bigger, deeper, shifts so that he can carefully cross his arms over his chest. He -loves- this waiting game. The one where he stays as silent as he can, watches the agitation build and build until his best friend explodes. Usually in some entertaining, childish way. "Oh, now what, damn it!? The -silent- treatment? Really!?"

The eyes of the scientist have widened to doe-like proportions, his mouth has pulled down at the corners and honestly, Sheppard can't really think of a time he has looked more adorable. (Well, maybe every time he actually -laughs-. Rodney's real laugh, not his acerbic, sarcastic one, is one of the greatest sounds Sheppard has ever heard. He lives for hearing that sound some days. Others, it just kinda hurts.) It's taking far too much energy than it should for him to hold his excitement at bay as he watches Rodney begin to twitch as he stares him down.

"Just grow up, flyboy!" And there it is! Rodneys cheeks go crimson, his lips peel back slightly, and his eyes have narrowed dangerously. Which means that if Sheppard pushes it any further, he is risking an -actual- fight with his best friend and that is a headache that Atlantis -really- doesn't need. Because -EVERYONE- in the city suffers when the two of them are on the outs. Lorne even started a petition once, to try and force Sheppard to apologize when he was 100% sure that he had -nothing- to apologize about. An honest to God PETITION. (So yeah, he may have been running the marines a little hard, and apparently Rodney had locked over half of the scientists out of their labs, but still, a petition was taking it a little too far.)

So, he quickly pushes away from the console as Rodney glares at him. He grabs his friend by the shoulder and turns him back toward his tablet.

"If I grow up any more, Rodney, I'm going to tower over you and I'll never hear the end of it. Calm down, take a deep breath, and check out your possible new toy." He guides Rodney back to where he had been standing, a hand on each shoulder, squeezing affectionately before he reluctantly lets him go. However, he does -not- step out of his friend's personal space. Because hovering over Dr. McKay's shoulder is one of the best places to be. If he put his mind to it, he's pretty sure he could think of a few better places involving the Canadian, but he hasn't really -allowed- himself to contemplate such things. Not yet, anyway. Maybe once they are safely off Earth and back -Home-, he can give such thoughts a go. Maybe. (It seems almost poetic in a way, that he needs to be -off- Earth to consider what he and McKay may have, when being on Earth is what gave him his realization moment. When Rodney came to him, while Jeannie lay in a medically induced coma, and basically asked his permission to let Todd feed on him, when Rodney -first- used his real name .. -that- was the moment he realized just how much the acerbic scientist meant to him.)

"Yes yes, Colonel, hold your height over my head. It's not as if you were blessed in every other way over me already. Even my -sister- prefers you to me." Sheppard wants to say something to that, wants to debunk such a crazy theory, but he knows that it's true. Jeannie had made enough small remarks to make it obvious and it just adds to his anger toward the woman. "Hell, I'm pretty sure Maddy likes you more than me and if I ever did have kids, I'm sure they would prefer their Uncle John to their Dad any day of the week." 

Those words catch the Colonel completely off-guard. His hands clench tighter on Rodney's shoulders as he tries to absorb the truth that Rodney's kids would know him at -all-, as far as the scientist is concerned. They would call him Uncle despite the lack of any true familial connection and for a second, John almost swears that the statement has made him drunk. Or, somehow drugged him the way flying always has because he feels like he's looping through the air at too many Gs to digest anything. To make sense of anything.

And then he is hit with a sudden truth that burns brighter and hotter than the fact he wouldn't mind being their Uncle. He'd much rather be the other parent to these non-existent children. Their Father, Pop, Daddy, Dad, whatever name they might call him that labeled him their parent right along side his best friend. God, the vivid picture of a little him running around with Rodney's brainpower or a little Rodney running around with his laconic nature. Maybe a baby girl that could outwit Rodney and have him wrapped around her little finger .... the thought robs him of breath, coherence and heart. Because it -hurts-. The thought that he will never have that. An Uncle is the best he can ever hope for, and it's tearing him apart inside.

"Uhm, Colonel ..." Rodney's voice breaks through the pain of his sudden self realization and he knows that he has been failing to pay attention again. His friend could've said half a dozen things and they flew over the top of his head because he apparently wants to start a family with a man he has never so much as kissed, let alone done anything to suggest a relationship would be viable. God, when he goes for the impossible, he never goes by half measures, does he? The reoccurring theme of his life. (Though, that reoccurring theme is what brought him -Atlantis and Rodney- in the first place, so he cannot really curse it too much.) "Sheppard, something's happening." The words are muffled, received through a cotton patch of rushing blood and emotion in his ears as he struggles to remember how to breathe. After all, it's not every day you catch yourself daydreaming about maybe babies when you've been completely convinced your entire life that you really don't want offspring. Is this what women are always talking about, when they talk about that biological clock crap? Has his decided to jump-start in the panic phase with images and fantasies of something that can never happen!? "JOHN!" 

That does it. He's booted from his anxiety to find that Rodney is looking at him with wide, panicked eyes. The console has begun to glow a faint, eerie red and something in his gut drops out. This is obviously not good. A mystery glow is always a bad sign, especially if he or Rodney are on the scene. When it's both of them, it may as well be the heralding of a possible apocalypse for how bad it always turns out. And yeah, sure, they have -always- managed to cancel the apocalypse as far as Atlantis is concerned, but still, eventually their times will come up, their bills due, and bad things will happen. Irreversible things. 

"Rodney!" He tries, he really does. He tries to grab his best friend and shuffle him behind him so that at least -he- will take the brunt of whatever happens, but he's just not fast enough. His self discovery may cost the life of his best friend. Out of all of the shit he has been through since he joined the Air Force, that tragedy would be the one to finally claim him. How had him trying to cheer the scientist up turned into the possibility of a living nightmare!? Oh right, this is Atlantis and the Ancients were power hungry assholes that never realized their experiments could be so lethal. Or just didn't care. He's never quite sure which. Either way, he's pretty sure he hates the entire Race at this point.

Just as he begins to tug Rodney, the panel switches from red to a deep blue and an energy wave shoots out of it. It hits Rodney first, of course, sending his bulk barrelling into Sheppard, knocking them both to the ground. But not before the energy has passed right through the scientist and collided with him as well. At first, it reminds him of static electricity. Of rubbing his feet on the carpet when he was a kid, then sneaking up and poking Davey, shocking his poor brother. It sets every nerve ending in his body to tingling in a semi-unpleasant way that leaves him feeling wired and amped, vibrating slightly as he pulls Rodney closer to him on the ground. Not that there's anything he can actually protect him from now. Whatever damage may be done is .. well, already done.

"J-John .." Rodney whimpers his name softly before blacking out and the Colonel finds himself fighting down a wave of sharp edged panic and fear. The scientist had gotten the full dose of whatever the hell just happened.

"It's gonna be okay, buddy. I gotcha." He lets one arm remain protectively (possessively) around Rodney, while he reaches up to tap his earwig.

"T-this is Sheppard .. need medics to the labs. Rodney ... we ..." He groans deeply, his limbs suddenly feeling as if they weigh a ton each. His hand slides from his ear, desperately trying to utilize the last of his strength to wrap his other arm around his best friend.

That would be how they are found. Sheppard wrapped protectively around Rodney, trying to guard the scientist, even when they are both unconscious.

* * *

Sheppard awakens slowly, breath stronger than he can remember it being in some time. That, coupled with the feeling of something wrong in his nose suggests he's hooked up to oxygen and that immediately puts him on edge. Not for himself, of course, but for his friend.

"Rodney." His voice sounds foreign to his own ears. Too gravel and pitch to be his. It's off and disconcerting. "Where's Rodney?" He growls the words with his tired voice, his eyes still clamped closed though he isn't sure why. Maybe he just doesn't have the energy to try and open them, maybe he just -can't- and isn't that a cheery thought?

"Relax, John. Mer ... -Rodney- is alright." The aborted use of Rodney's first name would've been a dead give away toward who is speaking, even if the tone and general attitude hadn't been. He breathes a little easier, shivers at the strange 'scent' of oxygen pumping through his nose. He has always hated assisted breathing. Oxygen masks, cannula, all of that. Those things scream ill, hurt, hospital, antiseptic and it all makes him sick to his stomach. "He's sleeping it off, same as you've been." He groans and finally manages to open his eyes. Strangely, the first thing he registers isn't anything visual, but rather a feeling. He feels warmth along his left side and it takes forever to turn his head that little bit to look down. He's probably not as surprised as he should be to see Madison curled up against his side. He is, however, utterly shocked to realize that right on the other side of her, is Rodney. Apparently, they had seen fit to connect two beds, and Madison is curled up between them. In fact, Rodney is curled up on his side, so that his arm is extended across his niece ....... and his hand is resting ever so gently on John's hip. 

He's sure that he should -feel- something about this fact. Happy, embarrassed, perplexed ... there should be -some- kind of emotion attached to the fact that Rodney is sleeping with a hand on him, but he cannot feel anything. Once the surprise had passed, he became numb.

"You've been down for two days, Sheppard. Madison refused to sleep until we finally had her brought in here. She's been out of it for about five hours now. Rodney hasn't woken up yet, but Dr. Keller says that he is doing alright. Leave it to Mer to be this damn stubborn." Even with the general numbness and lack of emotion, instinct has him glaring openly at Jeannie when she says Mer, causing her to wince and smile apologetically. "Sorry, it'll take some getting used to. I still don't understand why he doesn't just use the name he was born with." Sheppard can feel his mouth stiffen, can feel his lips wanting to peel back into a snarl or something, but the action never comes. Instead, he sighs and closes his eyes. 

"That's just it. It's -not- something for you to understand, or even to comment on. If you decide you want to do something about your name, that's your right and I'm sure Rodney will at least have the common courtesy to let you do whatever the hell you please about it. He deserves the same." She frowns openly at the chastisement, looking as if she has a dozen different things she wants to say, but wisely choosing to hold her tongue. "We've been down for two days? I can't believe Maddy has been up that long." He shakes his head, eyes snapping closed again when the movement causes a moment of vertigo. 

"She refused to sleep, afraid that something would happen to her Uncles while she slept. She cried for nearly half an hour, until we finally told her she could come down here. Keller wasn't too happy with the thought of pushing the beds together." His eyes open in just enough time to see her 'subtly' looking at the hand resting on his hip. 

In a rush, Sheppard finds himself overtaken by a desire to banish Jeannie. He wants her to leave, does not want her privy to the sight of Rodney's hand there, as if it were some kind of secret brand or something. There is nothing between them that need be kept secret, but still, he would rather she not be here. Not after what was said in the Mess Hall, and not after what was just said, but he doesn't really have the right to make her go away, either.

"Yeah, I'm sure having to go to all the extra trouble irked her a bit. She likes her Infirmary just so-so." Jeannie gives him an odd look he cannot parse, nor does he care to. Instead, he reaches toward the small bedside table and manages to fish himself out an ice chip. In this moment, that little sliver of melting ice is the best thing he has ever tasted as it begins to dissolve on his tongue. He actually groans softly in appreciation before he carefully rearranges his cover to get a little more comfortable. Both Madison and Rodney give almost identical whimpers of protest as he moves. Madison presses closer into his side, and Rodney's hand tightens on his hip. It creates a tidal wave of warmth through him, realizing that these two precious, wonderful people care so much for him. 

"I, uh .. I'm pretty sure she's going to separate the beds the second Madison wakes up." He tries not to frown at that, because he knows that it makes sense. Madison wanting to lay between them is the only reason that the beds needed to be attached. But still. What if they don't -want- the beds separated? Because he really, -really- doesn't. The weight of Rodney's hand on his hip feels like the only thing keeping him tethered to reality at the moment, and he's not even sure why he feels that way. He shouldn't feel as if he's floating or something, shouldn't feel so damn detached, but he does.

He huffs a breath, wincing as the cannula tugs and pulls inside his nose. Increasing his discomfort. 

"M-Maybe you should go ahead and move her, Jeannie. I don't think she'll wake up. But she's probably getting sore in these crappy beds. Might be best if she goes back to the room. That way, you can get some sleep too." After all, it would be easy to assume that the entire five hours that Maddy had been asleep with them, Jeannie had been hovering at their bedside. What she lacks as a sibling, she more than makes up for as a Mother.

"Come on, John. If I try and move her away from her Uncles, she'll freak out. Especially if she suddenly just wakes up and she's back in her room without the two of you. She may be young, but she can scream her head off when she wants to." He tries to hide a smile at that, because a smile isn't really the 'appropriate' response. But he can't help it. Again, it makes him feel warm and appreciative, knowing that Madison would pitch a fit if she was separated from them. Given the fact that family has never been a particularly -good- thing to him, the fact that he has chosen and been chosen, is a remarkable thing. 

"Yeah, alright. I get it." He cracks a weary smile, and after a moment decides what the hell. He carefully rolls onto his side, making sure that Rodney's hand trails the movement, so that it is still resting on his hip as he curls against Madison. After a moment of hesitation, he decides to go ahead and mirror Rodney completely. He slips his hand across the distance, timidly letting his fingers come to rest on the cloth covered hip of his best friend. "G'night, guys." He murmurs sleepily, sighing softly before he's back out, drifting down into a surprisingly peaceful sleep.

* * *

Rodney is slow to awaken. He feels leaden and strange. As if he is only half here. That is not a feeling he has ever been -okay- with. Again, it harkens back to Second Childhood and that will always bring feelings of terror or fear with it. Out of every thing he experienced in the Pegasus Galaxy, -that- is the one he is most afraid of. If it were to -ever- happen again ... well, they would know how to handle it this time around, but still. He is not sure he would survive long enough for them -to- help him. 

He exhales slowly, a groggy groan inching from his yawning mouth before he manages to force his eyes open. 

Shocked ... that word has lost it's value, it's meaning. Because it is far too inadequate to explain what he feels when he opens his eyes and realizes that he's wrapped -around- someone. The first thing to register is the glorious warmth of someone cradled close. The way it spreads down his chest, into his hips, down his legs. Then, there is the weight of having another pulled close. The sheer intimacy of holding someone. On a few occasions, he had awoken this way with Jennifer cradled close, but she never quite fit right.

He squints, struggling to blink the sleep debris from his eyes so that he can concentrate on figuring out who ... oh. Well, there is only one possible answer for who he is clutching in his sleep once he sees a damn -elfin- ear sticking out from that familiar, unruly mop of hair. Oh god, it can -only- be Sheppard. For reasons he cannot even begin to speculate on, he's curled up in a large bed, wrapped almost protectively around his best friend. 

It takes several minutes of carefully controlled breathing, for fear of accidentally waking his friend and having to explain this bizarre turn of events, for him to remember what had happened. To remember why he is currently in the infirmary with his best friend. (He is far too familiar with the antiseptic smell of the place not to realize that he is in a hospital bed.) The lab. There had been some kind of console activation, followed by a strange energy wave and then he had blacked out in Sheppard's arms. In fact, he vaguely remembers Sheppard being wrapped around him in a very similar way to his current hold on his best friend. But then, is that truly so surprising? The last five years have been spent saving one another every time they have needed to. He remembers making the observation on the Aurora, how he and Sheppard took turns saving each other, and it just happened to be his turn at the time. That is -not- a pattern that has diminished over the years, nor does he expect it ever will.

So, in an attempt to cheer him up, he and Sheppard got hurt. Maybe that will be the final push the Colonel needs to realize that he probably shouldn't be friends with him. It's a truth that poor Rodney has been waiting for the man to understand for five years now. Of course, he would much rather Sheppard _**NEVER**_ figure that out, as he has never had such a good, dear friend. However, he is a practical man in many ways, or so he believes, so he is still waiting for the inevitable. After all, if his own sister thinks he should latch on to **-anyone-** that is willing to give him the time of day, not to mention the fact that she obviously prefers Sheppard and even an alternate version of himself to, well, himself, it is only an inevitable amount of time before the Colonel realizes that his friendship is wasted on the scientist. 

He chuffs and huffs, cheeks filling with air only to expel it in utter annoyance. Jennifer has been on him, time and time again, to stop his fatalistic point of view. It was the very thing that caused him and Katie to break up, even if he hadn't realized it at the time. It is also an ingrained part of himself, something that he will -never- be able to give up. Losing that fatalistic view would be akin to losing a limb and if she believed it or not, it would also hurt his ability to do his job. Because it is that ability to think of how any and every thing might go wrong that allowed him to chart every possible course of action open to him as quickly and efficiently as possible. In truth, the way he is .... well, hell, it's one of the main reasons Atlantis survived long enough to make it to Earth in the first place. The city and it's occupants would've died a dozen times over if not for his contribution. For that reason alone, he thinks he deserves a bit of a 'pass' as far as the rougher edges of his personality goes. (Some hopeful part of him wants to believe that his contribution to the cause is one of the reasons Sheppard has maintained their friendship for these past five years. Though, he also finds himself hoping that the Colonel truly sees something valuable and desirable in him, too.)

Reluctantly, he forces himself back into the moment, back to reality. Back to the fact that he doesn't have the right, or any kind of permission, to be wrapped around Sheppard like this. So, he leans forward just enough to allow his nostrils to flare so that he can get a sniff of his friend. On occasion, he has been able to do so. When they were curled close to avoid fire on missions gone wrong, when they were sat shoulder to shoulder in holding cells, or on the occasions when they were crowding each other over a chess board. But this time, he can almost drag the tip of his nose across the nape of John's neck, so that he gets a pure inhale of his best friend.

John smells .. amazing. There's no other word for it, despite how inadequate it is. He smells like all of the things one would assume; sweat, skin, heat, musk, man. But there's more to him than that, too. Rodney doesn't usually lower himself to a level where he considers the soft sciences, but it happens on occasion. Like now.

Because he would -swear- that Sheppard also smells like adventure, patience, bravery, and mystery. He is the smartest man in two galaxies, so he knows that these are not actual, possible scents but he would still swear to what he is smelling. Those are all words that perfectly embody the most wonderful person he has ever known, so he allows himself a few minutes to dwell on these impossible descriptors. And then he does what he knows he should. He carefully scoots backward, unwrapping his arms as gently as he can, so as not to awaken his friend.

The feel of Sheppard's weight leaving his arms almost makes him whimper, though he manages to swallow the traitorous sound before it can be heard. Slowly, inching as carefully as he can, he manages to sit up on the side of his bed. It is only after he has scrubbed both palms across his eyes and down his cheeks that he realizes the reason he had been able to hold Sheppard is because their beds have been joined. He forces himself to travel the channels of proper logic and realizes that the most likely reasoning is that Madison had been laying with them at some point. He allows himself to spare a moment to smile at thoughts of his niece before he pushes all of that away and tries to get his brain back to operating at optimal output. After all, he cannot help but wonder what the mysterious energy beam had done, how it may have altered, changed, or otherwise caused an effect on the two of them. 

He draws in a slow, careful breath. Closes his eyes and forces himself to focus on the expansion of his chest. On the careful, steady beating of his heart. He will **-never-** admit it, but it is a basic meditation technique taught him by Teyla. He will never tell her that he actually utilizes the new-age, touchy-feely stuff, but he does, on rare occasion. At the moment, it is helping him to find a centre in his need to concentrate, so he's fine with it.

"Rodney." The sound of Jennifer's voice snaps him back to the moment. Rater than jerk to attention and sit up straighter as he usually would in some misguided hope of impressing her, he finds himself sort of .. sinking down, into himself. He doesn't mean to! Doesn't want to give the illusion of trying to get further from her or something as silly as that, but he cannot help himself. He just really doesn't want to deal with her right now. In fact, he is surprised to realize that all he wants to do is lay over and curl right back up to his best friend. He wants to forget everything that could've gone wrong for a little while longer and just ... find comfort in the presence of Sheppard. 

But he cannot do any of that, can he? Not just because he has a duty and a job to do, but because even -he- knows that is not the kind of action two male friends should take with one another. Hell, it's not even an action he should **-want-** to take and he knows it. So, instead, he carefully crosses his arms over his chest and makes himself man up. Makes himself look Jennifer in the eye.

"Yes?" By some miracle, which he totally does not believe in by the way, his voice is steady and usual. No anomalies to alert her to the turmoil he's currently facing.

"I'm glad you're awake. I'll have something brought in for you to eat while you move to another bed. We can discuss what's been happening while you eat." She flashes him a tired smile and a small part of him is a little sorry for what he's about to say. For what will no doubt be further problems between them, even if he has no clue -why-.

"No." He sighs the singular word that seems to have a surfeit of meanings at the moment. "I'm just fine where I am. I don't feel up to moving." He barely has time to censure himself. To say he doesn't feel like moving rather than admit he just doesn't want to. He folds his arms a little tighter, making a makeshift shield of them as he waits for her to say something biting. About how he's being rude by not listening to her, not following her instructions. Or maybe how he's being a burden by imposing his presence on Sheppard without knowing if the Colonel would actually -want- him there or not. He chooses to believe that Sheppard wouldn't mind as long as he doesn't accidentally end up wrapped around the other man again. "I'm perfectly capable of eating right here, and as long as it's nothing life threatening, I think we should wait until John wakes up before you go into what happened. No sense in repeating it all if you don't have to." See, he's being considerate! He doesn't want her to have to go through this entire spiel again. He's being -nice-, though he is not foolish enough to think she'll see it that way. He knows better by now, unfortunately.

"Rodney." Her voice has taken on that same sharp edge it usually does when he has embarrassed or angered her by his behavior. Which seems to happen more and more now that they are back on Earth. The few times he has been stupid enough to travel to the mainland with her, she has found some fault in the way he acts and made sure she told him all about it. In Pegasus, they did not travel off of Atlantis to associate, so she was used to his behavior and how it would be perceived by their colleagues. But here? She is nowhere near as forgiving and he is growing so tired of it. "I'm not -asking-. As your Doctor, I am -telling- you. You will relocate to another bed and we will discuss what has happened. I am not allowed to discuss this with both of you. That's not how patient confidentiality --"

"Wrong." He snaps the word, his anger taking hold deep beneath his skin before he can stop it. "You are, in fact, allowed to do -just- that. We both have one another down as our medical proxies, authorized to know what is going on with the other, medically. If you don't like it, that's too bad. But! If you try to do -anything- to keep from doing your job in such a way that allows us our rights, I'll make sure that you are reported and then deported from Atlantis. Do I make myself clear?!" It's a hell of a struggle, doing everything he can to keep his voice careful and even. Not to out and out -shout- and accidentally awaken his sleeping friend. Especially when she has made him so damn angry. He doesn't actually give her a chance to answer, though. "I'm sick and tired of being told exactly how things are going to go, -especially- where I myself am involved. I do -not- want to discuss this until John is awake. Now, go away." He dismisses her with a hiss and a grunt, eyes narrowed to serpentine slits of wrath that almost -dare- her to argue with him. 

"I .. what .... Rodney ..." Her eyes are wide with shock and surprise, her lips pressing into an apoplectic line of emotion as she struggles to process everything that has happened. Every thing that her -boyfriend- has said to her. After all, it's not often that the scientist stands up for himself. Not often that he so easily talks back to the woman that is more than ready to tell him how he should act, without bothering to check her ownself. Her hands tighten on the tablet in them, her eyes down cast for a moment as she tries to collect herself enough that she might manage full sentences. "I don't know what's gotten into you, Rodney, that you would talk to me that way. Though I can hazard a guess." Her eyes dart to the sleeping form of Colonel Sheppard before turning back to her boyfriend. "I'm only going to say this once more. I'm ordering you to another bed, Dr. McKay. There is no reason for you and the Colonel to continue sharing now that your family have finally followed my orders and left." She snaps the word family in such a way that Rodney feels his anger wanting to increase.

"R..od..ney..." Sheppard's voice is muzzily with sleep, and it cuts through his anger immediately. 

"I'm here, John." He murmurs the words softly, trying to keep the moment between the two of them, feeling almost desperate to keep Keller from hearing anything. 

"Lay ba..ck down ... R..od..ney..." His words slur and shiver together in a tired whisper and Rodney is moving before he is even conscious of the fact. He carefully lays over on his side, eyes snapping closed as he tries to settle in. "Thanks, buddy." The words are cracked from jaws opened wide with a yawn, and Rodney cannot help how fondly he smiles at his best friend. 

"Get some more sleep, Sheppard." Despite how badly he wants to, he doesn't reach for Sheppard. There's a difference between being asked to lay back down and being allowed to hold him again.

"Rodney!" Sheppard is whining now, and the scientist is struggling not to outright smirk. He will not admit it if he doesn't have to, but he loves when Sheppard whines all petulantly like this because it practically -screams- **_pay attention to me_** and makes it seem as if all Sheppard wants is for Rodney to focus on him. It makes him feel warm and wanted in ways no one else ever has. Before he can answer, he feels a hand grabbing hold of his. "Too far away, buddy." His breath stutters and shudders when he feels Sheppard pulling his hand until his arm is wrapped back around the Colonel like it had been earlier. He feels a fluttering in his stomach combined with the quickening of his breath and he struggles to fight down each of these abnormal responses as he carefully hooks his arm around his best friend and draws his back against his chest. Never in a million years did he think he would be cradling John Sheppard in -any- way.

"Dr. McKay!" Keller's angry voice threatens to spark within and he forces himself to remain concentrated on what he **wants** to be concentrating on at the moment; Sheppard. He tightens his hold, turning his head so that the edge of his nose is tickled ever so gently by the downy hair on the nape of Sheppard's neck. 

"Go. Away. Sleeping." It's not Rodney that speaks this time, trying to make the doctor leave, but Sheppard's aggravated voice hissing in displeasure. "Whatever your problem .. go -away-, Keller, we're -sleeping-." When Rodney forces his eyes open, he's surprised to see John glaring over their shoulders at the woman that is still standing there, clutching her tablet. Honestly, for such an intelligent woman, she needs to buy a damn clue already! "Now." The Colonel somehow manages to inject a ton of authority even as his jaws crack with another yawn and Rodney really needs to take a few lessons from him. It seems his somewhat changed demeanor since arriving on Atlantis has allowed his minions to fall to the erroneous belief that he is now all bark and no bite. That simply won't do. "G'night, buddy. Sweet dreams." The feel of Sheppard's hand skimming across the back of his before pulling it closer against his stomach leaves Rodney feeling lightheaded and tired beyond belief.

"Sweet dreams, John." He murmurs the words against the nape of his best friend's neck before he drifts off to sleep.

* * *

John awakens with a start. His breathing is sharp and erratic, his skin slick with a thin sheen of sweat. He can feel a wall of heat along his back and down his legs. It takes him longer than he cares to admit to realize that someone is -holding- him. Now, this should certainly spur a sense of confusion, annoyance and terror in him. He has done a -lot- in his years to keep himself from getting close enough to anyone to have reason to wake up beside them. So then, why is that exactly what is happening? And -in- someone's arms, no less!? 

He exhales a trembled breath as softly as he can before he forces himself to glance down at the hand resting against his clothed stomach. It's taking far too much concentration to try and remember what has happened, -why- he is laying in this bed. When he does remember, he winces because this is the **second** time he's had to struggle with it. When he realizes he is lightly stroking the hand against his belly, he realizes that it's decidedly masculine.

Oh. Right. He asked Rodney to lay back down with him and then proceeded to -pull- his best friend against his back and secure said hand exactly where it is. Huh. That does not freak him out as much as he's pretty sure it should. In fact, he finds himself considering the action of snuggling back a little closer to the other man and trying to get some more sleep. Yes, that sounds like a decidedly wonderful plan. He's just closing his eyes and beginning to scoot back when he hears a throat clear. How can such a simple sound be so damn ominous!?

"Colonel Sheppard." Keller's voice is just this side of frosty. If he were not used to her usual bedside manner, he would say she was being professional and nothing more or less, but he knows better. This is the closest to cold he's ever heard and he's too damn tired for this BS. "Could you be so kind as to pry yourself away from my boyfriend?" Forget chilly. The room is now subzero temperatures and they are radiating from the good doctor. Though she looks a little like a wild imp intent on inflicting bodily harm at the moment. He wonders if quoting the Hippocratic Oath at her might stay some of her anger, but he doubts it. 

"Nope. Don't want to wake him if I don't have to." It's the truth, even if not the main reason he doesn't want to do any kind of prying at the moment. He's safe, secure, comfortable, and really just doesn't -want- to move, but none of those things are her business. Even if Rodney -is- her boyfriend, he's his best friend so she can just suck it. He watches as her eyes narrow and her lips compress. He's pretty sure he even sees a vein in her forehead, close to her hairline and he tries to feel bad about his answer. He really does. But he cannot conjure any apology or sympathy for her because the short and simple of it .. is that he doesn't like her. Not as Rodney's girlfriend. She's a good doctor, an okay person, but she's undeserving of the title of girlfriend as far as he's concerned. If she and Rodney broke up this instant, he's not ashamed to say that any animosity he has for her would dissolve at the same time. Them's the breaks, as the saying goes. "Is there something you need, Dr. Keller?" 

He watches her. The way she tenses, the way her hands work against the tablet she holds, the way her eyes dart between him, McKay, and everything else in the room. It's not often that a person puts him so on edge without being an actual threat, but she does it naturally. Again, he knows it's not her fault, but still. 

"That doesn't really seem to matter, does it, Colonel? Neither you or Rodney are willing to listen to a damn thing I say I need you to do." Her voice is only half modulated. Fluctuating with her emotions despite how hard she struggles to keep it together. He winces internally, digs deep to summon a little sympathy for her, but still can't.

"Come up with something medical, and we'll both listen. You know we will." He starts to shift, curling a little closer to body of his friend when the arm around him tightens momentarily before it goes lax again.

"Too. Much. Talking." Rodney's morning voice is .. well, it sends shivers up and down Sheppard's spine. It's deep, sleep rough and velvety. Each word a growl as Rodney carefully draws his arm off of Sheppard's body. He misses it instantly. "I'm up now. Happy?" Rodney rubs at his eyes, pushing himself into a sitting position.

"Nope." Sheppard immediately intones at the same time Keller huffs "Yes." Because of course she's happy that they are now awake and she thinks she's going to get her way.

"Why am I awake?" Rodney doesn't aim the question at Keller, but at him instead. He wrinkles his nose, offers up a playful pout, and juts his chin out in Keller's direction.

"Ask the good doctor, wasn't my idea. I was just getting ready to go back to sleep when you woke up." He stretches carefully before he manages to sit up, stretching his arms over his head. 

"What's going on, Dr. Keller?" Rodney asks through a jaw cracking yawn as he eyes her almost warily. Sheppard feels a little bad for pitting the two against each other but he can't help it. She interrupted their sleep, made Rodney let go, and is being a general pain in his ass at the moment.

"Ro -- Dr. McKay." She takes a steady, deep breath and releases it, before she forces herself back into a professional mannerism. "We've still been unable to determine what the function of the console or energy beam may have been. After a thorough examination, it would seem that you're both fine. We found elevated markers of protein and chemicals we couldn't identify, but they have since dissipated and you're both coming back clean. Woolsey has authorized you both to be released from the infirmary, but I want you back within 24 hours so that I can make sure you're okay. Colonel, you will be due back in 30 hours for the same." He quirks his brows, wondering why the time delay and he has to swallow down a snicker when he realizes she is intentionally trying to keep them from arriving at the same time. He finds it amusing, if not a bit .. odd. Not to mention futile. It's proven over the last five years that they are basically inseparable. He weathered the disaster that was Katie Brown at Rodney's side ... her little machinations aren't about to ruin their friendship.

"Alright, good. 24 hours and 30, we've got it." Rodney actually jumps off the bed, eager as ever to be rid of this place. Sheppard climbs off his own, wrinkling his nose momentarily before he walks around the beds to join his friend. Keller looks even more on edge once they are standing side by side. "So, Sheppard. Shower, dress, meet in the Mess Hall? I'm sure you're just as hungry as I am, and I'm also sure Maddy will be chomping at the bit to see us." They exchange fond smiles at the thought of the girl, before Sheppard finds himself nodding along.

"Sounds like a plan, Rodney." He steps around Keller, not in the least surprised to hear McKay at his back as per usual. It seems they've made a routine out of following each other, and he really wouldn't have it any other way. It should seem odd that one of his first priorities, no matter what the situation, is to seek out Rodney and know his position. Everything else goes from there.

"Rodney!" Keller's voice has jumped an octave, closer to a squeak than actual words and Sheppard winces at the sound of it. "You can wait to eat. We need to -talk- first." She snaps the words, crabby, though he can't really blame her. However, she has another think coming if she thinks Rodney can wait.

"Actually, he -can't- wait to eat, you should know that, doc. Don't want him getting sick." Sheppard can't help but throw in a bit of the sass he's known for on the word can't, emphasizing his point with his whole upper torso because there's no way in hell he's going to risk his best friend getting sick so that she can dress him down.

"I was not -talking- to you, Colonel! Call me crazy, but if I address my -boyfriend- I really do expect -him- to answer!" She is fuming at this point, and Sheppard is having to exercise far too much control to keep himself from stepping up, into her personal space even telling her off in some very, -very- colorful language. Words he wouldn't even use on the -Wraith-, actually.

"Enough!" Rodney snarls the words, reminding Sheppard of the time they were inside his head and Rodney had faced down the fear-eating entity. He still has nightmares about his friend flatlining, though he wouldn't ever admit to it. "I'm right here, -both- of you!" He takes a step back from Keller, dropping his gaze in a silent admittance of shame for speaking for the scientist when he had no right to. "Dr. Keller, you do not -order- me around, nor do you dictate my time. Sheppard's right. I need to eat, but more than that, I -want- to go get cleaned up, properly dressed, and head to the Mess with him. You want to talk? Fine. We will talk, at a time we -both- agree on, not one you -tell- me to be at. I'm sick and tired of this." Rodney glares at her momentarily, before he turns to Sheppard, and his look softens perceptibly. "Sheppard .. while you're right, she is, too. She was talking to me. Now, while I try not to have a problem with you taking charge off world, I -am- capable of speaking for myself. So. Mess Hall, about 30 minutes from now? I'll tell Jeannie and them that we're up and see if they will meet us?"

Sheppard shifts from foot to foot, trying to look properly chastised, though he doesn't really feel that way. A little, maybe, but not really, because he can't help himself. He will always take up for Rodney, even if that means reminding Rodney's girlfriend that he needs to eat, no matter what she says/orders. 

"Yeah, Rodney, I'll meet you there." He reaches out on instinct, places his hand on Rodney's shoulder for a second before he turns and completes his original exit, moving away from the Infirmary as fast as he can, because he really just doesn't want to put up with Keller anymore. Plus, he really wants to get changed out of the clothes he's been sleeping in for lord knows how long.

* * *

Rodney is feeling a little dizzy, though he hasn't bothered telling anyone. It's not really his MO to experience any kind of health issue and not let everyone in a two mile radius know about it, but he's been getting 'better' about some of those things. He knows that Keller would like to take credit for the change in him, but the truth is, that he's been changing since the moment they stepped through the Gate and into Atlantis. 

He will never be the 'better' person she seems to think he should be, but he is a better person than he used to be. There is a line between how much he is willing to change because in the end, he will -not- lose his own identity to please anyone. Not even her.

Rodney glances down to the hand holding his, smiling despite his painful thoughts. Maddy is currently walking beside him, her free hand clutching her camera. Now that she knows her Uncles are okay, she has returned to documenting as much of Atlantis as she can get away with. Rodney has personally already posed for several dozens photos. On the upside, his Niece is happy as can be. On the downside, they're a little late meeting Sheppard.

"Rodney!" Sheppard's voice is slightly high and off pitch, colored with a low level of jitteriness he has almost never heard his friend use. It immediately puts him on edge, though he's better at hiding it than he used to be. "You're late, Buddy. Was starting to worry that something had gone wrong." Rodney finds himself searching for the playfulness in the words, but is surprised to find that there is nothing but strained concern. It confuses him.

"Sorry, Sheppard. Maddy got side tracked using your gift and it took a little longer than we expected." Sheppard smiles, but it doesn't infiltrate the concern in his eyes and Rodney swallows down the sudden wellspring of worry bubbling up in his throat. If Sheppard is failing to fully smile at Madison, something is wrong. But he's not about to bring attention to that in front of his niece, because he doesn't want to embarrass his best friend or cause the child to worry. "Caleb and Jeannie are still asleep. They were more than happy to have us take Maddy-girl to lunch while they sleep in."

Sheppard has come to stand beside Rodney, rather than with Madison between them as he usually would. Another red flag, though Rodney has no clue what the flags are trying to say beyond the fact that Sheppard is most definitely acting ... odd. 

"Oh. Uhm. Right. I forgot you were going to see if your family wanted to come eat, too." Sheppard's eyes dart around the area for a moment and he shifts uncomfortably where he's standing. -His- family? That is just as odd as the rest of his behavior. Even Madison seems to understand how strange it is, because her features fall into a pout when Sheppard does not seem to count her among his family. Which is BS, because he's never once balked at being labeled Maddy's Uncle, by her or anyone else. So what the hell??

"-Our- family, John. Maddy doesn't call you Uncle for the fun of it, dolt. You -are- her Uncle, as far as she, and the rest of us, are concerned." He can't understand why Sheppard had trivialized that truth, even if he hadn't done it on purpose. When the older man flashes him a sad smile, he's so confused that he's practically itching with it. He doesn't like feeling so lost!

"Right. Of course." Sheppard turns and heads toward the entrance of the Mess Hall. "Lunch, then." The Colonel seems almost to be rushing, grabbing them a place in line while Maddy and Rodney exchange quirked brow looks and hurry after him. 

It takes about ten minutes for them to get through the line, Rodney helping Maddy load her tray as they move along. 

"Oh! There, Uncle Shep! I need to get their picture!" She waves her camera enthusiastically toward a table where Lorne, Teyla, and Ronon are enjoying their lunch. No doubt able to hear Madison's voice above the regular noise, Ronon's looks around and actually waves at the child. Caleb and Jeannie seemed to be the only ones on Atlantis that were surprised at how quickly Ronon had taken to the child. Often carrying her around the city on his shoulders or growling at anyone that got in her way. He had become her tall, protective shadow and Rodney really wasn't surprised at all. Hell, Ronon was often his own shadow off-world, if there seemed to be too high a chance that someone might try and hurt or steal him. They may snipe and glare at each other, but they are family none the less.

"Alright, Maddy-Girl." Sheppard turns and heads quickly in the direction of their friends, grabbing an extra chair and pulling it over next to the one he settles in. Rodney smiles despite himself, taking the offered chair. Not in the least bit surprised that when he sits, he and Sheppard are squished leg to leg, shoulder to shoulder. He feels as if he can breathe a little better the moment they are settled.

Madison waves her camera, grinning brightly.

"Ronon, Ronon! I want to take a picture!" Rodney chuckles as Lorne and Ronon immediately sit up straighter, though he's surprised that Ronon actually moves his tray out of the way. Teyla smiles and moves to lean into the other two. Madison squeals happily as she snaps four different pics of them before she reverently tucks her camera away. When she starts to try and climb into Sheppard's lap, she's quickly redirected to his own. He pulls her up and settles her tray in front of them, his tray next to hers. 

"Rodney." Sheppard snaps, eyes slightly narrowed. "You need to hurry up and start eating before you get sick, okay? Maddy-girl, why don't you let Ronon pull you up a seat and you can start eating too, okay?" Ronon stands immediately, pulling another chair up between him and Lorne, helping Madison off his lap and into her chair. He repositions her tray as well, though she's pouting a little bit.

"I'll be fine, Sheppard. There's nothing for you to be so worried about." After a moment of hesitation, he reaches out to place his hand on Sheppard's arm, feeling his friend relax under his touch.

"I know, I know. Just .. after what happened ..." Sheppard reaches out and nudges the tray, causing Rodney to laugh softly as he reaches out to pick up his fork and cut into the meat, taking a bite.

"Better, John?" He cannot keep the amusement from his voice, but it fades in the face of his friend's beaming smile and enthusiastic nod. Okay. If ever there was a time for words to be taken playfully, this should've been it.

"Yup!" A glance over shows that Lorne, Teyla, and even Ronon look perplexed at Sheppard's reaction. After a moment, Rodney shrugs his shoulders and quickly begins to eat. With every bite and sip of his tea that he takes, his friend seems to relax into his own meal more and more. Strange. But not the oddest of things by far, so he doesn't pay too much attention to it.

"So Madison." Ronon's gruff voice cuts through any possibility for conversation, drawing all attention toward the specialist. "How long are you here for, millen?" Rodney blinks, forcing himself to try and recall the meaning of the word. Oh, right! Ronon had said millen was the Pegasus equivalent of munchkin, and it makes Rodney want to snort every time he hears it. 

"Mommy says we have to leave tonight." Rodney's eyes widen, not having realized that he and Sheppard had been out for so long. His heart aches at the thought of Madison leaving so soon, having spent so little time with her. A glance at Sheppard shows that he looks a little sad at the prospect as well, but not as emotional as Rodney would've expected. 

"So soon, brat?" Rodney sighs the question, even as Ronon reaches out to squeeze her shoulder gently.

"It was an honor getting to know you, millen." Ronon sounds so earnest and truthful that Rodney really just wants to hug him for his words. Even more for the fact that he obviously -means- them and isn't just humoring the child.

"It was an honor to meet you, Specialist Dex." Madison intones with the same amount of earnest seriousness and Rodney wonders that his heart doesn't explode with the overabundance of feels he's experiencing right now. "And an honor to meet you, Major Lorne, lady Teyla." She looks at each adult in turn and oh wow! Lorne looks a little misty eyed, and Teyla even bows her head to Madison. He has the best friends ever!!

"Don't worry, Maddy-girl. I'm sure you'll get to visit again. Or we might get to come to Canada and see you." Sheppard reaches around Rodney to ruffle her hair, causing her to squeak and quickly try to smooth it back out. Rodney chuckles faintly, finishing off the last of his meal and drink before he pushes the tray away. Sheppard is on him in a second, one hand clutching his arm as he waves his other hand toward the tray. "Did you get enough? Do you want some more? I could run up and get it." 

Ooookkkayyyy ... what kind of pod person has his best friend become? The second he has that thought he nearly blanches, because even if this isn't the Pegasus Galaxy anymore, it's still Atlantis and who even -knows- what those asshole Ancients could've created that lab to do! He reaches up, clasps Sheppard's hand for a moment before letting go.

"No, it's okay, Colonel. I had plenty. But what about you? After all of your lecturing, you need to eat to." It's his turn to nudge Sheppard's tray, watching the Colonel wrinkle his nose at it and push it away.

"Usually, you would be right, but I don't know. Doesn't taste good." Sheppard pokes at the tray, wrinkling his nose a second time, and Rodney tries not to freak out. He does, however, reach out on instinct to carefully press the back of his wrist against Sheppard's forehead, checking for a fever. Instead of a lecture, eye-roll, or Sheppard jerking back from the action, he actually seems to press a little closer to the touch and Rodney isn't sure how he wants to react to the move. 

"Well, no fever, so I doubt it's a reaction to the food, or something from the infirmary. I swear, doctors make more sickness than they cure." He mutters, drawing his hand back. He goes completely still when Sheppard actually groans at the withdrawal of the hand. He ignores it, because, well, what the hell can he say or do about it?? "Is there anything that tasted okay?" After a moment of looking particularly pouty and disappointed, Sheppard points toward his empty pudding bowl and Rodney is up and out of his seat before anyone can say anything.

He heads for the line and when he gets up to the cook, he makes a request and the Cook rolls his eyes but nods and hands him a tray with a few bowls on it. He can feel the man's eyes on him all the way back to the table. He sets the tray in front of Sheppard, glaring over his shoulder at the Cook who looks utterly surprised and then chagrined. He grabs Sheppard's full tray and shoves it at Ronon, who accepts it with a grunt.

"Right, then. Here you are, John. Strawberry banana, pistachio, chocolate, and butterscotch. See if any of those settle better." He indicates each bowl of pudding and watches with fond amusement as Sheppard lights up and grabs a spoon. Only after the older man makes a blissed out sound, does Rodney relax and turn to look at the others. Madison is eating quietly, but Teyla, Ronon, and Lorne are all looking at Rodney like he's grown a second head or something. He huffs at them and then turns back to Sheppard. Who has leaned even closer, so that Rodney is practically holding him up as he eats.

"Thanks, Rodney. This is better than a turkey sandwich!" John practically croons, strawberry banana pudding held close as he runs his spoon through it. The entire table goes still as statues when Sheppard holds the spoon expectantly out to Rodney. Who just laughs and shakes his head, knocking his knee against the Colonel's.

"Glad it's so good, Colonel, and no thank you. It's all for you." Once again, Sheppard pouts but shovels the bite into his own mouth almost sadly. 

"Can I have some, Uncle Shep?" Madison croons from between Lorne and Ronon and Rodney turns toward her with a smile and a shake of his head.

"Sorry, brat, but no. Uncle John couldn't eat supper, which is why he's eating the pudding. It's settling on his stomach better. So no, he can't share." Teyla grabs her bowl of vanilla pudding and places it in front of the child. "What do we say, Maddy-girl?" He intones, grinning.

"Thank you, lady Teyla!" She beams at the Athosian before she dives into her treat, causing him and Sheppard to laugh. Even Ronon and Lorne make fond sounds and Rodney suddenly realizes that he had been telling Sheppard the truth on a higher level than he even realized. They really are a family. He quickly drops his gaze, feeling how misty his eyes have become. The sudden brush of hair against his ear tickles and it takes him only a few seconds to realize that .... **Sheppard has laid his head on his shoulder**!! What the ever loving fuck!? Sheppard had -never- done something like that before!

He discreetly looks around, and none of their friends seem the least bit surprised by the action, to the point they're not acknowledging that it's happened. He hesitates, tries to quell the heightened beating of his heart, but has to give up when he cannot get it under control. So, he tilts his head, just enough that his cheek presses against the top of Sheppard's head, and it causes another blissed out sound from his friend. 

The sound burrows deep into his core and warms him from the inside out.

"Hmmm." Sheppard makes a sleepy sound, and Rodney sighs inwardly. Despite how much they had both slept, he knows exactly how his friend feels. He's tired, worn out, and finds that he wants nothing more than to return to the large bed they had shared. Not that they can do that or anything.

"You through, Colonel?" He murmurs softly, making sure that he does't move too much as he talks, not wanting to accidentally dislodge his friend.

"Mhmm. It was really good. Thanks for getting it for me, Rodney." He manages to glance over, surprised to see that Sheppard has finished every bowl of the sweet treat.

"Maddy-girl, have you finished?" When he turns to look at her, he chokes back laughter to find that she's curled up with her head on Lorne's side, fast asleep. "I'll take that as a yes." He nuzzles his cheek against the crown of Sheppard's head without thinking about the action, before smiling. "Alright, I think we need to get Maddy down for a nap." Before Sheppard can say anything, he yawns deeply and Rodney actually chuckles. "Correction, I need to get you -both- down for a nap, it seems."

"I don't need a -nap-, Rodney." Sheppard actually -whines- and Rodney has never felt so fond of his best friend as he does in that moment. 

"Sure you don't, Colonel." Lorne points out from across the table, earning him a glare from his CO.

"John, your whining so as to rival even a cranky Torren." Teyla points out with that serene look to her that always rattles Rodney because he can never -read- her when she looks like that. Sheppard huffs and lifts his head, arms crossing in front of him. For one amusing moment, he actually expects his friend to stick his tongue out at her, but he manages to refrain.

"It is common knowledge that -no one- is as cranky as Torren, Teyla. My parents never had to walk me around, interrupting perfectly fun race car games, to get me to sleep." Rodney barks a surprised laugh at that memory, and blushes a little when Sheppard BEAMS at him. Apparently happy that Rodney remembers what he's referring to.

"Perfectly fun race car games I was going to win, by the way." He points out, smirking at Sheppard, who rolls his eyes and shakes his head.

"As if, Rodney." The two grin goofily at one another, before Rodney reluctantly turns and stands from the table.

"Ronon, would you be so kind as to bus our trays for us? I want to get Maddy settled as soon as possible."

"Okay." The taciturn man grunts out, already gathering things as Rodney reaches out to pull Madison to his chest, cradling her gently. Sheppard is up in the exact same moment, and Rodney nearly has a heart attack when he feels Sheppard's hand grabbing a hold of his bicep, practically latching onto him.

"Come on, Rodney. We owe her bedtime stories, remember?" Sheppard practically begins to drag him out of the mess hall, causing him to swallow a yelp and hold Madison a little closer.

* * *

If asked, Sheppard couldn't really explain his behavior, not even if his, Rodney, or Madison's lives depended on it. From the moment they left the infirmary, he has felt oddly on edge. As if something were missing. Once he reached the Mess Hall and realized that Rodney wasn't there, the feeling had increased. And then, the moment he saw his best friend walking toward him, the feeling disappeared altogether. It makes no sense!

Nor had his behavior during the meal. The fact that all of his lunch save the pudding had tasted terrible or smelled wrong wasn't even the strangest part of it all. When Rodney had been concentrating on Madison eating more than himself, Sheppard had been gripped with a sense of .. well, almost a sense of -panic-. And then, when he realized Rodney had finished, he had this overwhelming need to -provide- for his best friend. When Rodney had done so for him instead, he had felt sort of high on feelings of euphoria and contentment. It is confusing and strange and he really doesn't like either of those things.

Even now, he feels a little on edge and weird. They are stretched out on Maddy's bed, the girl curled up between them. She has her feet pressed against his hip and her head resting on Rodney's shoulder in the kind of position only a child could find comfortable. Rodney is propped up by several pillows, his hands a lattice work over his stomach as he stares at the ceiling.

Sheppard finds himself mimicking the position, save for the fact that his eyes aren't pointed up. He looks as if he's staring off, toward the opposite wall, but in reality, he's watching McKay closely from the edge of his vision.

"Alright, brat, what story do you want?" Madison wiggles at Rodney's question, glancing first at Sheppard, and then at her Uncle. John shifts uncomfortably for a moment. It doesn't matter who is scrutinizing him, it's never a sensation he has enjoyed. Being a Sheppard meant being judged his whole life, and it's not a feeling he ever got used to. It's why he struggles so hard to maintain an 'I could care less' attitude in life. If he repeats it to himself enough times, it might one day be true. 

"Tell me about how you and Uncle John first met!" The demand, because that's the only word that could describe it, shakes Sheppard up a little. The way in which she demands the story, the tone and subtext she puts into it .. it's the same way she would probably ask how her parents met and Sheppard isn't sure how he should feel. And he does mean -should- because he knows perfectly well how he -does- feel and he doesn't think it's the proper response. Because he -preens- at the question, lights up form the inside out as he begins to remember it.

"It's, uhm, not that interesting a story, Maddy." And the light immediately extinguishes. Not that interesting!? Well, it's good to know that -he's- the only one that realizes the profound effect that day had. He huffs softly, eyes darting away from his best friend. "I was working at a secret base and talking to Dr. Weir .. you, uh, you don't know her. She's the woman that originally led the Atlantis expedition. Anyway, I was talking to her when my friend Dr. Beckett came running in to inform us that someone had made a piece of alien technology light up. When I got out, into the room, your Uncle John was sitting in the Control Chair, looking somewhere stuck between worried and fascinated." 

John sucks in a breath and almost throws himself off the bed. So, apparently Rodney wasn't lying when he said that their first meeting wasn't that interesting, because he didn't even bother to -remember- it! Sheppard carefully climbs to his feet, his arms going around his stomach in a self hug as he -glares- down at his best friend.

"I was not -worried-, McKay and besides, I guess you're right. Our first meeting wasn't -interesting-, because that is -not- how it happened!" He is mortified to realize that he wants to do something childish. Like stomp his foot or kick a chair in frustration. However, he wasn't about to act that ridiculous in front of Madison.

"What? That is -exactly- how it happened, Sheppard! I distinctly remember! I wasn't sure if I wanted to hug you or smack you! The way you made the Control Chair work, the way you conjured exactly what I asked you! I was so excited and jealous I could barely think straight! So trust me, I know exactly how we first met!" Madison is watching with wide, amused eyes. Apparently, she's utterly entertained by their disagreement, and of course she is. She's a child with Rodney's brains and mischievous streak. This must be like an early birthday present for her!

"No. It isn't." Sheppard looks down at his feet, tracing the lines of his laces with his eyes as he struggles not to show just how deeply wounded he is feeling. "The first time I met you, Dr. McKay, you were dragging a marine around by the ear." He turns away from the bed, then, heading for the door. "Have a good nap, Maddy. There are a few things I need to do. I'll be sure to see you again before you leave." He hurries out of the room, making sure that Rodney doesn't have a chance to get up before he's gone.

He wasn't exactly lying about having things to do, he just wasn't admitting to what those things were. Curling up in his small, empty bed feeling sorry for himself wasn't exactly the kind of activity he wants to cop to, but it's exactly what he does once he's out of their rooms.

* * *

Rodney is pacing the gateroom floor, perfectly aware that things seem to have come full circle. Only this time, his family is leaving rather than arriving. Madison is the first to arrive, of course, running toward him full tilt. He easily scoops her up, settling her on his hip as he smiles. He cannot beam at her, because it hurts, knowing that she's leaving, but he manages a smile all the same.

"Hey, millen." Maddy actually giggles at his attempt at the Satedan word. "It's been great having you here, brat. I'm sorry we didn't get more time together." He leans forward to kiss her on the forehead, and she snuggles close to him for a moment.

"I'm sorry, Uncle Rodney. But I'll visit again." It's a child's solemn promise and he swears that he will not cry. No matter how much he wants to.

"Of course you'll visit again, Maddy-Girl." Sheppard appears out of nowhere, stepping around Jeannie and Caleb to get to the two of them. He loops an arm around Madison, so that they are pressed close together again. It has become a reoccurring theme that he rather likes. "Now, you have to do me a favor, since I'm your favorite Uncle and all." He leans forward, kissing her forehead the same way he himself had. "When your Mom gets your pictures developed, you have to have her make copies for us, okay?" Rodney blinks, surprised that he hadn't even -begun- to think of that. The tap of Sheppard's shoulder against his lets him know that the Colonel was aware, and as per usual, had covered for him.

"Yes, yes, of course. We will want copies, Maddy."

"Yes, Uncles." They both hug her close between them before he reluctantly sets her back on her feet. Caleb and Jeannie approach next, hugging them both awkwardly in turn.

"Maybe next time you won't get yourselves blown up in the middle of our visit .. Rodney." The name is foreign coming from her, but it's a sign of capitulation that he's grateful for.

"Here's hoping, Jeannie." His smile is wane, but she doesn't seem to mind. She turns toward Sheppard, staring at him for the longest moment.

"It was interesting seeing you again, Colonel." With that, the family moves into the open space of the Gateroom and are gone within moments. Their absence is sudden and keenly felt, but so is the arm threaded around his shoulders, keeping him standing.

"They'll be back, Rodney. Or we'll go visit them. Either way, we'll get to see them again." It no longer surprises him the way the Colonel includes himself in these things, and that should probably scare him. He has never had such familiarity with a friend before and he finds that it's almost ... addictive. 

"Yes, I know that, Colonel, but it doesn't change the fact that we missed so much time with them." And he still has to face his irate girlfriend, which probably isn't going to go very well. "I never should've dragged us down to that stupid lab." He reaches his hand up, rubs it down his face with a sigh, even as he feels Sheppard's free hand reaching to encircle his bicep again.

"Uhm, Rodney ... call me crazy, but I think you're remembering -that- wrong, too. -I'm- the one who dragged you down there, remember?" He sighs and closes his eyes, still upset that he apparently can't remember how he and Sheppard first met. But that is a memory problem for another time.

"Yes, yes, John, but I'm the one that found the lab, went on and on about it, and I'm the one that needed cheering up, which is the whole reason we went there in the first place. Thus, my fault." They stare each other down, friends divided yet united as they always are.

"Eh, how about we lay blame where it's due? It's all the Ancients' fault." They snicker together, sharing their simple humor before Rodney pulls away with a sigh.

"Right, then. I guess life goes on." He turns, shoulders hunched, and heads toward the transporter. He feels so much more .. alone ... with his family gone.


	2. Confirmation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, I am just loving this story so much!

* * *

"The hell!?" Sheppard huffs angrily, his hands wrapped tight in the waistband of his uniform pants. He's sitting on the edge of his bed, scowling down at his hands as he struggles to try and smooth the edge of his pants out. Where the material usually settles comfortably, they are now cutting into his stomach.

He carefully climbs to his feet and walks to his bathroom door. He angrily snaps his hand in front of the opening mechanism and walks in, muttering to himself. He's not usually the type to talk to himself, but his annoyance is getting the better of him! He stalks up to the full length mirror on the wall and strips his uniform shirt off. He tosses it onto the sink counter and turns in profile to the mirror. He peels the tight expanse of his waistband down, wincing when he sees the angry red line cut into his skin. He reaches out, finger tips brushing over the mark with a scowl because he can't understand why his pants are suddenly so tight.

"The hell!?" He growls the rhetorical question once more as he stares at himself, eyes narrowed to try and take in all of the details. The way his usually flat stomach is now slightly rounded around his belly button. Pooched out in an odd way that makes no sense. Especially given the fact that he hasn't been eating much the past few months. In fact, his diet has changed so much, that Rodney has been following him around making those concerned puppy dog eyes that are so damn adorable but a little stifling at the same time. It's touching and wonderful knowing that Rodney cares, but as with -anything- the brilliant scientist sets his mind to, he's like a dog with a bone. Once he has decided to concern himself, he cannot let that concern and worry go. Again, it's flattering but a bit repetitive and annoying at times as well.

He huffs and scowls at his reflection, the flat of his palm carefully moving across the curve of his stomach as he tries to puzzle out what the hell is going on. After a few moments of staring, he growls, bares his teeth and turns to snatch his shirt back up.

It takes him nearly fifteen minutes to find a pair of uniform pants that actually fit without cutting into his skin. By that point, he's battling down a wave of anxiousness that is hard to subdue, let alone understand. He has been .. well, on edge, for lack of a better description, any time he doesn't have eyes on Rodney. He hasn't actually told anyone this yet, of course, especially not the man in question. It would be ridiculous to approach Rodney and tell him of the situation without something scientific, some kind of -reason-, to back it all up. 

Navigating the halls of Atlantis is far too easy these days. It seems every time he turns around, he finds that more and more personnel have just ...... left. It hurts, physically and emotionally, to realize that so much of the Atlantis family have just .. gone. It means that they have given up, that they have decided that they will never return home and that's a thought that does not bare dwelling on. He stops at the entrance to the Mess Hall, his stomach gurgling faintly, making him wrinkle his nose and shiver a little bit. 

Upon scanning the tables, he has to smile when he sees his team settled together. Ronon is chowing down, Teyla hunkered over a cup of tea. And Rodney ... well, not in the least bit surprising, Rodney is glancing up every few moments, keen eyes searching for something. It does not take a scientist or even a genius to know exactly -what- Rodney is looking for. Even as he steps toward the line, Rodney's eyes land on him and they both seem to register a sense of relief at the exact same time. He nods at his friend before he heads into the line. 

Ten minutes later, he's heading toward the table, not that surprised to find that the seat next to Rodney is open. He settles into it, flinching internally in preparation for what he knows is coming.

"Seriously, Sheppard, that's -all- that you're eating? Breakfast is supposed to be the most important meal of the day!" Rodney's voice holds the all too familiar note of reprimand and reprove, but he can't bring himself to care. He's too tired and pissed off to care. He glances down at his tray, filled with a bowl of fruit, no extra sugar or whipped cream or anything, a toasted english muffin with a little butter, but nothing sweet, and a large glass of cold milk. After a moment, he heaves a sigh and even though he -really- doesn't want to, he knows that in the end, he will tell Rodney anyways, so might as well get it over with now.

"Yes, it's the most important meal, and I've got more than enough of what I need, Rodney. So back off." He glances down at his fork and picks it up to prod at the bowl of fruit with a sigh. "Besides ... I've apparently been eating more than enough, because my pants wouldn't fit this morning." Sheppard's not sure what he expects ... laughter, mocking .. at the very least, one of Rodney's little derisive snorts. Instead, once he manages to force himself to actually -look- at his best friend, all he can see is naked, raw -concern- and he very nearly reaches out to do something, though he's not sure what. Instead, he shovels a mouthful of fruit in and contemplates what to say next.

"John .." God, the scientist just -had- to go there, didn't he?? Just -had- to use his first name when he's trying his damnedest to behave! "I'm really starting to worry. I think you should schedule an appointment in the infirmary." He knows that it pains Rodney to say those words, just as much as it would pain him to do the same. Neither of them will -ever- like that damn place, and Sheppard definitely doesn't see the point of going there if he doesn't absolutely -have- to. 

"I, uh .. I don't think that's such a good idea, Rodney." He shifts uncomfortably in his seat, leaning back after a moment. "... Keller gets back today." He doesn't want to bring this up. Doesn't want to remind Rodney of the girlfriend that he is far better off without!! 

It had been nearly three months since the Millers had visited .. nearly three months since Keller and Rodney agreed they needed to talk, but had never gotten the chance. Keller had been requested by Stargate Command, and has been unreachable the entire time. Originally, she had assumed that they would spend a week or two apart, getting their minds straight, so she told Rodney that they could wait until she returned. 

He's not sure if he should be surprised that Rodney has in no way mentioned missing his girlfriend. The scientist mentioned her once a month, in some vague I hope she is okay way, but never dwelt on her. Secretly, Sheppard finds this to be a -very- good thing. It suggests to him that Rodney is more than ready to move on from her and he's more than ready to help in any way he can.

"... how on earth did I forget that?" Rodney -does- snort derisively this time, leaving Sheppard oddly confused as to if he had genuinely forgotten or not. He will not risk asking, because he hates to do anything that makes him seem lesser in Rodney's eyes.

"Anyway, I'd rather not go to the infirmary if I don't have to. After what happened last time .. well, I'm sure I'm alright, buddy." He's not entirely sure he believes himself, but he grins and leans over to knock his shoulder reassuringly with his best friends, trying to come across as confident as possible. He really doesn't want the man worrying over him anymore.

"You sound like the Carriers back on Sateda." Ronon points this bit of cryptic information out even as he's pushing himself to his feet, tray in hand. Before anyone can ask for clarification, the laconic man is gone. Sheppard suddenly feels sick to his stomach with apprehension. The word Carrier doesn't sound good or reassuring in the least.

"I swear to god he does that on purpose. He knows I'm going to have to track him down at some point today and make him explain this carrier business to me. I honestly think he enjoys having me running after him." Rodney whines as he begins to gather his stuff, Teyla actually laughing softly. 

"That is actually very true, Dr. McKay. Ronon would never admit it, but he rather enjoys your attention from time to time." Teyla stands as well, bowing her head to them both with light goodbyes before she exits as well. 

"Of course he does. Everyone likes my company, in small doses, at some point or another." Watching the scientist roll his eyes, Sheppard immediately averts his own. Staring petulantly at the glass of milk in his hands.

"Really? Could've sworn I got you in pretty large doses and I'm fine with that, buddy." He snaps before downing almost half of the milk in one go. It chills his throat but tastes better than anything else he has had lately. He sets the glass down and leans back in his seat, wanting to purr when he feels Rodney press against his side a bit.

"You're the exception to just about every rule out there, Colonel." Those words should not please him as greatly as they do, but whatever. He's beginning to get used to his body and mind reacting in ways he's not prepared for. He starts to say something, and he's sure it would've been cool, witty and perfectly perfect to say to Rodney, but when he realizes that his friend is standing up, he fights down a sudden wave of panic.

"What's up, buddy? Leaving already??" There is a faint tremor in his voice, but luckily, McKay doesn't seem overly aware of it. 

"Well, yes, I am. Some of us have places to be, Sheppard. If you weren't so late getting here, we could've eaten together." Rodney pats his pockets down for a second before he produces two protein bars; one blueberry and vanilla, the other chocolate chip, and Sheppard's mouth starts salivating at the sight of them. Yet another clue that something is obviously wrong. "Here. If nothing else, please eat these while you're working, Sheppard. If only for my peace of mind. I'll see you at lunch." The scientist pats him awkwardly on the shoulder before he turns and heads out, leaving Sheppard sitting alone. Staring morosely at his tray. 

His insides are actively churning at the prospect of Rodney walking out of the room without him and he cannot make heads or tails of the situation, the sensation. Sure, he's always spent what most would consider an exorbitant amount of time with the eccentric scientist, but as of late, any moment with Rodney out of his sight is almost painful and he cannot understand how or -why- this has happened.

He stabs another forkful of fruit, nearly gagging at the fact that it no longer tastes appealing. In fact, it has little taste at all, though it is sure to provide the sustenance he needs. It is not what he -wants-. He practically slams his fork onto the tray and stares silently at the protein bars for a moment. He has always hated the taste of these things. They were either too chalky and dry, or too chewy and wet. Either way, the consistency and taste of them have -always- left something to be desired. Until recently. In the last few weeks, he has found something irresistible and delicious about them.

Even now, despite the fact that he hasn't been able to make himself really eat the breakfast he had gotten, his fingers are already tracing the two wrappers. Anticipating the 'treat' that should be anything -but-. He can actually feel his mouth watering as he looks the two flavors over, weighing the merits of each in his mind. He grabs the chocolate chip and shoves it into his shirt pocket, using his teeth to rip open the blueberry vanilla. The first bite brings an actual sigh of pleasure from him and he's instantly rethinking a visit to the infirmary, though he still knows he won't go there.

"Everything alright, John?" Lorne's voice actually makes Sheppard jump in surprise, a piece of protein bar going down the wrong way, making him cough as his eyes water. 

"Yeah, yeah, everything's fine, Evan. What's up?" The fact that a leader of one of the Atlantis Reconnaissance Teams could feel so comfortable walking up and addressing him by his first name is still a trip, even after five years. Back around the time he earned his 'black mark,' he would have never been able to picture being laid back and friendly with soldiers of a lower rank while he was a damned COLONEL! 

"I, uhm .. I'm glad that every thing is okay, sir." The sudden -sir- in an otherwise friendly conversation immediately puts him on edge. He takes a huge bite of the protein bar, giving himself something to keep him occupied so that he doesn't tear into the other man for whatever he's about to say. Anything that stalls his temper long enough to allow rational thought is a good thing, most of the time. "There's something I wanted to tell you, John. Before the official news came through." Sheppard finishes chewing and downs the last of his milk before tossing the empty wrapper onto his nearly full tray. After a moment of hesitation, he crosses his arms in front of himself, eyes narrowed as he waits semi-patiently for the Major to spit it out. Eventually, Lorne takes a deep breath and seems to steel himself .. this -really- doesn't bode well! "I've asked to be transferred out, sir. I'm being moved to Stargate Command at the end of the week." 

That ... that fucking -hurts-. It feels like having his chest cut open, ribs spread and his heart ripped right out. Lorne hadn't been there since the beginning, but pretty damn close to it! And now, to be leaving. Especially to have -requested- a transfer. More and more of their family is disappearing. A stab of anxiety seizes his chest and he doesn't know what to do. This kind of panic is usually reserved for life-or-death situations. Or Rodney being mad at him. Which, given the scientists abilities and knowledge, could just about qualify as a life-or-death situation.

"Okay." The word is issued slow and slightly slurred. The only thing he can muster the strength or heart to say, really.

"Okay? That, uh .. that's it, John? Just an okay?" He can understand why that particular answer is a bit .. befuddling to the Major. After all, they are -friends-, so John should be able to come up with something far more involved and emotional. But then, they -are- friends, so Evan shouldn't be leaving in the first place.

Sheppard stands from the table, snapping his tray up almost viciously as he levels Lorne with a surprisingly cold, dismissive stare.

"Yes, Major Lorne, that's it. Just okay. What do you want me to say? Do you want me to give you my blessing to abandon the city, our home? Or maybe you want me to ask you to stay? As if. You requested the transfer, that's pretty much the end of it as far as I'm concerned. Enjoy your time at Stargate Command." He turns and practically prowls toward the trash line, shaking minutely with the pent up anger of trying to handle losing someone else. No, he's not dead like Elizabeth, MIA like Ford, or cloned like Carson, but he's still choosing to leave, John is still -losing- him. It feels ... it feels a little like Ford all over again, actually.

* * *

Despite his reputation for being acerbic and having a general dislike of people, Rodney has actually come to enjoy the presence of the other scientists on Atlantis. Though he refers to them as his minions, even barrels over them when he has an idea that needs to be aired, he respects them. And yes, that's something he keeps to himself. He has carefully built his reputation as a means to protect himself and is not yet ready to let the truth be known. 

Much like Sheppard, he has noticed the slow trickle of people leaving the city now that it's stuck on Earth .. and, much like his best friend, he has begun to take it as a personal slight. Every exodus is painful, offensive and unforgivable as far as Rodney is concerned. Too many people have given their lives in the name of Atlantis and to abandon the city .. he knows that he could not do that. Atlantis and the Pegasus Galaxy are -home- now and forever. He does not function, does not -fit- on Earth any more and quite frankly, he's tired of it.

"Rodney?" Radek's tired but warm voice catches him off guard. He is usually fully aware of Radek's position within the labs, especially these days, so he's surprised to be surprised. Where he has always respected the man and his abilities, despite the fact that he couldn't even remember his name in the beginning, he is personally fond of him now. Radek risked everything to help Sheppard save him when his puddle jumper went down, worked side by side and back to back with him to save Atlantis time and time again, and has generally proven himself to be one hell of a person. He is happy beyond belief that the Czech has remained in the city. He's not sure what he would do if he decided to leave like so many others have.

"Hmm?" He manages to cover his surprise with a laconic sound, looking away from the paperwork he has been pouring over for several hours. His neck aches, his stomach is a little unsettled, and he is far too tired for how little he has done today. He wants to blame the Colonel for that. If the man would go back to taking care of himself, would just go to the infirmary already, then he wouldn't be devoting so much of his time and energy on hounding and looking after him. 

"Everything is okay?" Radek's tone is genuinely concerned and Rodney finds himself turning around on his stool to look at the shorter scientist. 

"With me? Yes, it is, thank you." Before he can turn back around, Radek has moved closer, looking more concerned.

"What is wrong with Sheppard, then?" Okay. What the hell? Why would the Czech automatically assume that there was something wrong with the Colonel? He hadn't said anything to indicate that anything was wrong with -anyone-. He battles down a sudden wave of annoyance, frowning.

"Why would you assume that anything is wrong with anyone, let alone with the Colonel?" He sniffs as he questions, forcing himself to turn back around and grab the next stack of paperwork. He's getting sick and tired of having to write the same mission report half a dozen different times. Does the IOA -really- think the details are going to change that much from report to report? It's not like he's Ronon! He includes all pertinent information the -first- time. This smacks of busy work and he's ready to pull his hair out over it. The least these idiots could do .. is allow him and Sheppard to continue exploring the city, unlocking more of it's secrets. The fact that they have recently been forbidden to go anywhere but the areas already explored and cataloged has sapped some of Rodney's hope that they will ever get back home. 

He cannot see the look on Radek's face, but the shorter man is radiating a mixture of confusion, amusement, and irritation. Come to think of it, that's a combination that Radek often uses when in his presence.

"You are joking." The amount of exasperation in those three little words are enough to drown a man, but Rodney pays it no mind. Hasn't before, why start now? "There are three reasons that you are ever this mopey, McKay. Something has gone wrong in regards to you, something has gone wrong in regards to your niece, or heaven forbid, something has gone wrong in regards to Sheppard. You say you are okay. Were Madison not, all of Atlantis would have heard about it by now. This leaves only the Colonel for your cause. So. What is wrong with Sheppard?"

Okay. Something significant has been pointed out here, he knows this. And yet, he cannot pinpoint what it is! Only that his situation has suddenly and completely changed in some way and it would probably turn his world upside down if he knew exactly what it was. And yet, it remains just outside of his grasp. Taunting him!

"There are so many flaws in your so called logic that it would take all day to point them out." He mutters, pen almost stabbing at the piece of paper he's writing on, causing it to smudge and blur but he doesn't care. He highly doubts anyone will ever actually read it, anyway. 

"Rodney. What is wrong with John?" The man's voice has softened and Rodney feels overcome with the need to speak. To get this out in the open, since Sheppard refuses to listen. (He is sure part of that surge of emotion is because Radek used John's first name.)

"Right. Yes." He feels the pen falling from his lax fingers, hands clasping together in his lap as he stares down at them. Through them. "I .. I don't actually know if there's anything wrong, but .. oh!" He groans in frustration, jumping to his feet to begin pacing around the lab. It will do no real good, but at least it's something.

"Of course there's something wrong! I mean, just look at the man! He says that he's gaining weight, but he barely eats anything. He's taken to eating protein bars more often than actual food. How does one put on -weight- that way!? And then, of course! He doesn't look like he's sleeping very well, he looks tired and worn out all the time. Even his stupid -hair- looks somehow .. ill. But the asshat won't do anything about it! I've been asking him to go to the infirmary for weeks now and he brushes it off. He's driving me crazy!" He swivels on his heels and turns to face Radek. Who looks so very amused, like a man with a secret that is really important. "What? Why are you looking at me like that??" 

"So. You have legitimate reason to be concerned for Sheppard." Radek is bobbing his head as he speaks, and yet, there's a bit of an impish grin there as well. "But ask yourself something for me, Rodney ... -why- do you know all of this about him? How much must you pay attention to the Colonel that even the state of his -hair- registers, hmm? I see the way you have become. Anxious any time he is not within sight. Almost content the moment you lay eyes on him. I am not dismissing your worry for him, but maybe you are ... overly worried at this point in time. If there seems to be anything seriously wrong, he will get himself looked at." Again, there is something of the profound in this moment, but he's too damn tired to try and suss it out. Instead, he turns to glance at the paperwork, and then looks back at his friend. 

"You are one of the smartest people I've ever met, Radek. Secondly .. or well, maybe third, only to myself and Sheppard." Whoa! What the hell!? He had meant to say Carter, of course he had, but he didn't. As brilliant as Sam is, he finds himself far more accepting of Sheppard's brilliance than hers. He clears his throat, smiles almost weakly. "Listen very closely, because I will never repeat myself. Not about this." He crosses the short distance between them, awkwardly placing a hand on the other man's shoulder and squeezing. "We never would've survived the Pegasus Galaxy without you, Radek. -I- definitely wouldn't have. As brave as Sheppard was to come after me, he never could've pulled it off without you. You deserved so much better than a lot of the BS you got over the years." He withdraws his hand slowly, gaze dropping. He cannot believe he got that mushy and truthful, but he finds himself worried. So many others have left, and he's sure it's his fault in some way. He cannot stand the thought of Radek being another one to walk away.

Radeks eyes have gone impossibly wide behind his glasses, mouth hanging open in a look of astonishment that should, frankly, be insulting. However, he knows himself and his foibles, knows that the other scientist has every reason in he world to be shocked by his words. He himself is!

"I .. did not think I would live to see the day, Rodney. Thank you." Before he can protest, the Czech has pulled him into a hug which he returns awkwardly, but sincerely.

"You will never mention this again." He frees himself as soon as he can, brushing off carefully before he turns and looks around the empty lab. "I think I am going to call it a day. There is nothing but this stupid busy work, and I'm tired of it. If I write anymore, my fingers will begin to bleed. So. I will see you later. And thank you .. for listening to me." He smiles vaguely before he all but runs from the room, trying to escape the heaviness of what the situation has become. He promises himself that he will -not- obsess over what Radek said in regards to the kind of attention he pays Sheppard.

* * *

"Again, John!" Teyla has barely begun to break a sweat, her words not harsh, but still commanding. The Athosian Bantos rods crash against Sheppard's, sending him stumbling backward. Yet again. "If I did not know any better, Colonel, I would say you are getting -worse- at this." Sheppard huffs indignantly, openly wincing when he hears laughter from the corner.

"He's definitely getting worse at this." Ronon adds in as he stares down at the knife he's sharpening. Sheppard wants to smack him for commenting despite the fact that he's not even -watching-.

"Can it, Chewie. Besides, how would you know? You're not even -watching-." Sheppard grunts when one of the Bantos snaps him across the knuckles, causing him to drop his rod with a groan. "Damn it, Teyla, that hurt!" He hisses and barely manages to counter a swing that would've connected with his shoulder. 

"Your pride or your hand, Sheppard?" He turns in the direction of the other man, a witty, scathing remark ready on the tip of his tongue when the Bantos connect with his knees and send him falling forward. He catches himself moments before his nose would have broken open on the floor. 

"John. I think it unwise to continue practice today. Whatever weighs on your mind is interfering with your focus." He remains kneeling, struggling to catch his breath as he tries to understand what is going on. He's winded, dizzy, lightheaded ... none of which he has ever really experienced while practicing with his friend before. 

"There's nothing -weighing- on me, Teyla." By some miracle he doesn't sound as petulant as he feels.

"She's right, Sheppard. Something's -obviously- going on with you." If he could catch his breath, or maybe even see straight, he would totally tell Ronon off right about now. "And McKay."

"Leave Rodney out of this!" He manages to find the breath to practically snarl those words defensively, wincing when he realizes that that probably just confirms whatever wild, implausible theory the Satedan has going on right now.

"See? Even the mention of him gets you twisted. There's also the fact that you're on edge if he's not in sight. Something's up." He sucks in a breath, willing his legs to -work- damn it! When he tries to push himself up to a standing position, he doubles over in pain instead. "Sheppard!" Ronon is there in an instant, lifting him to his feet as if he were a ragdoll.

"That is it, John. Ronon and I are taking you to medical." Teyla has stowed her Bantos and managed to open the door before Sheppard is even aware that she's moved.

"You, uh .. you aren't gonna get an argument from me, Teyla. Not this time." He reluctantly leans into Ronon, letting the stronger man take his weight as he struggles to see straight. Every thing is blurred and foggy around the edges. Tears have painted it all in a filmy surrealness that he doesn't like one bit. "I .. I think .. I'm gonna .." He feels a thump somewhere deep in his head and then darkness is rushing against the edge of his vision, swallowing him whole.

* * *

Lunch is tasteless to say the least. Meatloaf with all the sides and it may as well be cardboard. Rodney tosses his fork to the side of his plate and leans back in his seat. It's a sad day when there's no work to be done and even food is no comfort to him. He knows that he would rather be somewhere else than sitting alone in the Mess Hall, staring morosely at his tray. In truth, there is a -single- place he would rather be .. doing anything anywhere with Sheppard. He glances toward the entrance on habit, knowing that he's not likely to see his best friend standing there, but having to look anyways. At this point, it's some kind of strange, instinctive thing to do. But of course, Sheppard hasn't been attending meals like he should, so he's not anywhere to be seen.

He can feel the pit of anxiety doubling in his stomach, eating away at him because John isn't -here-, where he's supposed to be. Thing is, though, it's not just that he isn't eating lunch, but that he's anywhere -but- in Rodney's presence. He feels ... almost possessive, as if John should be within sight at all times and he hates the feeling. If he had to, he would equate it to a jealous boyfriend and honestly, how stupid and ridiculous could that be?? They are in no way an item, even if they do have a rather indepth, intense relationship, it is not a romantic one. So, he has been doing every thing in his power to shake this odd feeling, to banish it back to whatever crazy place it came from, because it's not his right or his responsibility to feel this way about his best friend. 

He grabs up his fork and pokes at his meatloaf, shuddering a little at the congealed mess before he finally, fully gives up. He sets his fork aside and grabs his jello instead. The scent of strawberry banana makes him smile because it reminds him of Sheppard. His friend had taken to that flavor in the few things he will actually eat these days. Specifically, pudding. Rodney had gone so far as to bribe the cook staff into saving some of it, so that Sheppard could come and get it whenever he wanted. Given everyone's like of the Colonel, it wasn't exactly hard to do. Now, if he can just find a way to convince the barmy idiot to do so!

He's halfway through the jello before he even registers the taste of it. It's surprisingly fresh for something made from powder. He finishes the last couple bites and leans back in his seat again. He tips his head back, features cast toward the ceiling. How could anyone voluntarily leave such a beautiful, magnificent, awesome place!? There will never be forgiveness for those that left, no matter how much he may have liked them or looked up to them. The fact that Lorne asked to transfer was just the latest blow to Rodney's poor heart and what little hope he has managed to cling to. They will never return home.

"McKay!" Ronon's desperate shout cuts through his melancholy thoughts, causing him to wince as he reaches up to stab the pad of his finger against his earwig. 

"I'd love to answer you, Ronon, but I'm pretty sure you burst my eardrum! What do you want?" 

"Sheppard." He had started to relax back into his seat when that single word is uttered. He's up, on his feet and halfway to the door before Ronon has a chance to elaborate. "He's in the infirmary. Hurry it up, McKay." He's to the transporter, jabbing the display screen, before Ronon tells him to hurry. As if he needs telling! All he had needed to hear was Sheppard, and he was in the highest gear possible for moving his ass. Every one should know by now, he hustles best in two situations; Atlantis is in trouble, or Sheppard is. He extends the same courtesy to his team, but double times it for the first two. 

He practically spills out of the transporter, nearly tripping over his own feet as he rushes into the room. 

"Where the hell is he!?" He's heaving for breath, feeling as if he has run an emotional marathon in the short time it took to get here. 

"Calm down, Rodney. John is here." Teyla seems to materialize out of nowhere, placing a calm, maternal hand on his arm to guide him deeper into the medical facility. "Dr. Keller is reluctant to run tests until he regains consciousness." The mention of Keller leaves a bad taste in his mouth and he finds himself immediately yanking his arm out from under Teyla's hold. 

"Oh, I'll just bet she's waiting." The words are an unkind snarl, his hands tightening into fists at his sides as he barrels through the infirmary, following the glimpse he has of her hovering near a bed. "What the hell is going on here, Dr. Keller? Why aren't you -doing- something!?" Even through the haze of his concern for his best friend and the strange set of instincts that are tearing through him, he can see that Keller doesn't exactly look her best. In fact, she looks worn around the edges. Frayed and haggard. Older. She looks as if she has survived through hell and back and he feels for her. He does. However, at the moment, his instincts are more concerned with the state his friend is in. 

"Hello to you too, Rodney. I've missed you. It's so great to be back on Atlantis." She deadpans the words, her features never changing from a bland expression that actually hurts worse than the scientist would've thought possible. 

"Even I know that entire speech was sarcastic. Now answer my damn question." He is gritting his teeth as well as his fists now. Feels the sudden presence of a strong hand on his shoulder and knows that Ronon is there. Knows that his friend/teammate is backing him up rather than holding him back. It is enough to anchor him to the moment, to remind him that no matter how he feels toward Keller and the strange limbo state of their currently undefined relationship, John's state is not her fault ... as long as she does her job.

"Fine, Dr. McKay." The woman manages to make her voice both civil and mean all at once, and Rodney withers a little under her steady gaze. Until he feels the hand on his shoulder tighten, bolstering him. "I ran a basic scan on him and found nothing wrong. I want to wait until he wakes up so that I can question him and narrow down the possibilities. Though, from what Ronon and Teyla tell me .. well, I'm inclined to believe he brought this on himself." Those words could not be further from what she should say at this moment. He feels his hand unfurl, knows that he is close to losing the last shreds of his temper all over her. Probably with a slap he would hate himself for delivering once he calmed down. This time, the hand of his friend -is- restraining. Fingers dig surprisingly gentle into his shoulder and his temper is sated immediately. He leans back, away from the object of his ire.

"For a doctor, that's a bad thing to say, Keller. For a person, that's a -terrible- thing to say." He grounds the words out, turning toward the bed where Sheppard lays. His features are completely slack, unlined, unnaturally still. He has never seen the Colonel look so small, vulnerable and frail. It's one of the scariest sights he has ever seen, and he has seen a man commit suicide. Has seen Wraith Queens and Iratus Bugs. But this .. this is the sight that will likely give him the worst nightmares to date. Because Sheppard looks dead when he is so immobile. 

"Rodney, I --"

"No. Just shut up. And you should probably walk away, too." He steps closer to the bed, feels Ronon shadowing him so that the hand never falls. Carefully, he reaches down. Finds Sheppard's hand against the blanket of the bed and wraps his around it protectively. God, he would do anything for this man. Has -already- done so much for him, and she is talking as if he deserves whatever has happened. He truly wants to throttle her.

"Damn it, Rodney, this is my infirmary, you can't order me around like I'm one of your stupid scientists! We still need to talk! You can't keep putting this --" 

"Shut. Up." Each word is clear, distinct, and tinged with a don't mess with me tone that has her mouth snapping closed instantly. So much for not being able to order her. He carefully squeezes his best friend's hand before he lets go. He turns, shrugs Ronon's hold off and steps around the bed so that he can get right up, into her face. "Please listen, because I am only going to say this once. I will even do you the courtesy of not screaming it at you, no matter how badly I want to. There is -nothing- to discuss. You made Madison cry by insulting her, if you meant to or not. You were an ass to me and Sheppard, made dicey comments about my family and tried to force me and Sheppard apart for no reason. I don't care what reason you -think- you did it for, there was -no reason to do so-." He leans closer, eyes narrowed, mouth peeled back in a soundless snarl for a moment. The kind of facial expression he usually reserves for enemies, though it is only now occurring to him that they might be just that in some way. "The truth is, that you've been gone for several months without any word, Dr. Keller. Which suggests that you knew whatever we had, it evaporated. Or maybe you thought time would heal or something just as cliche. Bottom line .. we are through." He finally forces himself to take a step back, arms crossing over his chest as he stares her down. "All of that being said, you will -not- be the one on Sheppard's case. I want another doctor in here to take over. I don't trust you to do what is right for the Colonel." 

"You .. I ... Sheppard .. I can't .." He glares at her, waiting for her to have her little melt down and achieve coherence again. Not that he's willing to wait that long. Patience has never been his strong suit, even less when his friend is involved. "Okay. We will discuss our relationship later, but right now, we -will- address what makes you think you have the -right- to keep me from this case! I am the head of the medical department, Dr. McKay. You don't have any say in how I treat a patient, or who takes what case!" There's a vein throbbing in her forehead and he wishes that he could be better at this. That he could somehow -help- her .. or make the inevitable truth easier for her to swallow, but he just can't. He's too worried right now. 

"Again, you are -wrong-. In fact, were I not worried about my friend, I'd find your ignorance amusing, I'm sure. However, as John is currently passed out in a hospital bed, I am anything -but- amused, Dr. Keller! For the -last- time, I am the only one capable of making decisions for Colonel Sheppard when he is incapacitated. You've been told this before and chose to ignore it. Not anymore. Dr. Davis!" He snaps the words out, turning in time to see a short, older man come walking around the corner. The man was not the best with bedside manner, was almost as acerbic as Rodney himself, but apart from Carson, he is the doctor the scientist most trusts. "On behalf of Colonel Sheppard, I'm having Dr. Keller removed from his case. Will you be so kind as to take over? Dr. Keller is not to be within 100 feet of the Colonel while he's in this infirmary." He turns away from the older man to eye his ex-girlfriend. "In fact, given the way you seem to view Atlantis, I think it would be wise on your part to leave the city. Of all the people that chose to move on, I wish you had been one of them. You should've stayed at Stargate Command." He is not trying to be cruel, though it probably seems like it. He's just stating the facts as he currently sees them, still unable to pull most verbal punches. Even for his ex-girlfriend.

"As you wish, Dr. McKay. Dr. Keller. The Colonel's file." The older man holds a hand out, waiting semi-patiently. When Keller huffs and slaps the file into his hand, he levels her with his most unimpressed glare. "I tried to tell those in charge that you were too young and immature to be named department head, but they didn't listen to me. Or any of the others, for that matter. I think Dr. McKay is right. It would be better for everyone involved if you left the city." Dr. Davis turns toward Sheppard, glancing between his patient and the file for a moment, frowning. 

"Whatever." Dr. Keller turns and stomps from the room with all of the grace of a two year old preparing to throw a tantrum, and is summarily forgotten the moment she is out of sight. Teyla, Ronon, and Rodney all turn their attention toward Dr. Davis and the unconscious Colonel.

"I am loathed to admit it, but I think Keller was right as far as waiting to run further tests until he's awake. Her notations are a little lacking, but I get the gist of it." Dr. Davis jots something down and then turns to look at Rodney. "Usually, I would encourage that everyone clear out and let the patient sleep, but I know you lot. You have a tendency to stick by each other. An admirable trait. I'll have some chairs brought in." Rodney reaches out before he realizes he is doing so, claps a hand on the man's shoulder and squeezes.

"Thank you, Dr. Davis." After a moment of hesitation, Rodney carefully sits on the side of Sheppard's bed, facing the sleeping Colonel. He knows it's probably creepy and all kinds of wrong, but he wants to be close to his friend. Needs to be within touching distance of the other man. 

"We will sit with you, Rodney." Teyla's soft, reassuring voice warms him. The sudden appearance of a hand on his shoulder once more grounds him.

"We're here for you both, brother." Ronon's words are surprisingly comforting. He relaxes on the edge of the bed, not hesitating to take Sheppard's hand this time.

* * *

Sheppard's return to consciousness is slow and strange. It begins with an assault of sound far too loud and yet, indistinct. The sounds are foreign and for a moment, he finds himself skirting a state of fear because he feels vulnerable and exposed. His eyes are dry and his lids heavy. He cannot command himself to see. Added to the strange sounds, it is enough to force him to fight down an almost all consuming state of panic. 

".. just stop, Teyla. There's nothing you can say that'll help." Out of all of the foreign sounds, Ronon's voice suddenly floats to the top and Sheppard has never been so happy to hear Chewie before. "If he gets sick .. he gets sick. Can't force feed him. I've considered it." Wait .. what?? Force feed who!? 

"I am quite aware how stubborn he can be, Ronon. That does not keep me from worrying. Does he think the Colonel will be pleased when he wakes up and finds out how he has let himself act? One of our family is down .. I will not see another join him." Teyla sounds as exasperated as one would expect, but also just this side of scared. That is not a tone he is used to hearing from her. It is so shocking, in fact, that he finds he just really, -really- wants to give her a hug, though everyone on Atlantis knows that he is -not- a hugger by nature. He'd just about jump through the gate to a random address rather than voluntarily hug someone.

"Sheppard'll blame himself. McKay will get mad at him for blaming himself. They'll argue, both will be wrong and right, and we'll be stuck in the middle. Like always." Wow. Sheppard isn't used to hearing Ronon talk so much. He wonders if these two have conversations like this a lot when he and Rodney aren't around. And then it hits him. They're talking about Rodney not taking care of himself. 

Damn right Ronon is right. He blames himself. If he wasn't in what he now knows is a bed in infirmary, Rodney would be taking care of himself. He wouldn't be acting stubborn and stupid to stay by Sheppard's side. He groans faintly at the thought of something being wrong with his best friend. 

"Sheppard." Ronon's voice has hardened and sounds more authoritative then it did when he was speaking with Teyla, less at ease and laid back. Sheppard isn't sure if he should be offended or not. 

"What the hell happened?" His voice is a soft whine, his eyes finally managing to pop open. Yup, it's the dreaded infirmary, of course. 

"You fainted." Ronon sounds pleased as -punch- to say that, and Sheppard groans even louder.

"Yeah, can we -not- call it that? Rodney's right .. there has to be a more manly name for it." Ronon's chuckle is rough and wild as usual, and it goes a long way to help calm him down. 

"You fainted, Sheppard. Just own it." Ronon's grinning like a madman and Sheppard feels like he can breathe normally now. He even feels good enough to reach out and raise his bed a bit so that he can sit up. Ronon is sitting in a chair to his right, Teyla is in a chair at the foot of the bed. When he glances to his left, he cannot stop the smile that appears. Rodney's jacket and tablet are taking up a third chair. As upset as he is with his friend, he's also touched that his fool scientist has been so close through whatever's going on here. 

"Yeah yeah, whatever." He pops off goodnaturedly, before letting his eyes close again. He wants to ask .. he really does. Where is Rodney, is he finally off taking care of himself? When will he be back?? He barely manages to bite his bottom lip to keep the questions at bay. Things have been weird enough around Rodney without him sounding like an obsessed madman. "How long have I been down?" That is the question he has been dreading. If he's been down a while, he will not know what to think. He has no reason to be in the infirmary when they aren't on active duty or allowed to go through the gate. There hasn't been any danger and yet, he's been in this damn place twice in three months. Why does trouble seem to hunt him down?

On the bright side, however, at least Rodney wasn't in here with him, this time. He'd rather the scientist sitting at his side than stuck in a bed as well.

"You have been down for a little over a day and a half, you royal jackass!" Rodney's angry voice draws his eyes open in a flash and splits him down the middle as far as emotions go. He feels insanely relieved and happy to know that Rodney's close, but he also feels utterly confused, worried and somehow even -afraid- that his best friend is angry with him. "You fainted! Because you've been acting like a moron, which is actually the -last- thing I've come to expect from you. So!" Rodney has made it through the door, yanked his tablet up, and collapsed into his seat. The scientist is glaring at him, holding nothing back, and Sheppard is surprised to find himself scooting down in the bed. Wilting under that gaze. "What do you have to say for yourself, John Sheppard?!" 

"Hey!" He whines the word, wincing internally at just how high pitched and pathetic the whine is. "This is what we call a pot-kettle situation, buddy! Because apparently, Ronon has considered force-feeding you, Rodney! So, how about -you- tell -me- something .. how advanced are your symptoms at the moment!?" He is confused to feel as if he has so quickly launched from almost cowering to overwhelming anger. When he sees Rodney flinch and sink down into his chair a little, he feels like some kind of monster for snapping, but he isn't about to apologize. Because he's worried! 

"I, uhm .. we aren't talking about me right now, Sheppard. We're talking about you." That just serves to piss the Colonel off even more!

"Rodney!" He snarls his name, already beginning to move toward the edge of the bed, having every intention of getting right up, into his friend's face over this. 

"You will stay right where you are, John, or I will have Ronon hold you down!" Teyla's voice is hard, unyielding and Sheppard knows better than to try and stand up to her. He forces himself to lay back down, his glare never leaving Rodney, however. "The doctor said that Rodney is still in the early stages, and that if he does not stop acting like a child, he will be -ordered- to bed with an IV. So far, he is experiencing fatigue, shaking, anxiety, and sweating. Though, the anxiety has been present longer than the other symptoms." Rodney has turned his angry gaze on Teyla, openly glowering at her for answering something he did not want answered. "Do not bother with such looks at me, Dr. McKay. Sheppard has every right to know." 

"He actually doesn't, Teyla. And that will be the last time you speak out of turn. My business is -none- of yours!" The entire room goes quiet. Even Ronon looks utterly shook up by Rodney's scathing outburst. Teyla looks openly wounded for several moments before she manages to pull her poker face back on. 

"I will choose to believe that is the irritability of your condition, McKay." Sheppard looks between his friends .. well, his family, really, and sighs softly. He had enough of this BS growing up, thanks! The way his Mom and Dad fought .. the way he and his Dad fought .. the way his Mom and brother fought ... he shudders at the memories, shoving them down as far as he can. He clears his throat, drawing attention toward himself, smiling weakly.

"So. I'm guessing me and McKay both need to eat. Ronon, would you go and get us a couple of trays?"

"Of course. Come on." He's already over to Teyla's chair, a hand clasped on her arm to help her to her feet and lead her out of the infirmary. Sheppard waits until they are gone, waits a little more, and then turns his tired eyes on his best friend. Who has hunched over his tablet, furiously tapping away at the screen. Probably as a means to avoid him. As if that has -ever- worked. No, Sheppard's greatest learned skill since coming to Atlantis is ... well, all things Rodney, really. Keeping him out of trouble, saving him when he does get in trouble, manipulating him to make him work faster, eat properly, sleep when he should, etc. He can also out wait and out stubborn the scientist, if need be. 

"Rodney. Don't make me shout your first name in here, because I will. Then every one will know what it is." As threats go, it's not his best, but it is a tried and true method that he knows will work. Rodney pretty much hates his first name and goes from calm to nuclear in .23 seconds when Sheppard uses it. 

"What do you want from me, John!?" The scientist snaps, but the heat he had directed at Teyla is completely missing now. If anything, he just sounds tired. Another symptom and John is doing everything in his ability not to launch himself off the bed at his friend to make sure that he's okay. He's terrified that would involve things like poking and prodding, hugging, and patting him down. All things that would, without a doubt, show that he is 100% mentally compromised at the moment.

Despite knowing that he currently wants to do things that make him seem mad as the hatter, he cannot manage to curb them all. Because he has scooted over to the far edge of the bed and is currently patting the created empty space.

"For starters, I want you to put your damn tablet down and pay me some attention, Dr. McKay. Which means carrying your cantankerous ass over here and sitting." The words are commanding, mocking, and were some stranger to hear them, they would probably assume that he and Rodney don't like each other. Or at least think that Sheppard has some kind of brutal authority over the other man. But in the end, it's just how the two talk to one another.

"I'm still not military, Colonel. You can't -order- me to do anything." The scientist sounds tetchy, petulant, and so very, very tired. It's that last one that hooks it's claws into Sheppard's heart and tugs unmercifully. It's the only reason he resorts to what he does.

"Rodney .." He switches from formal to the usual address of his best friend. "Would you please come over here?" He sheds the command and is now pleading, even if the tone doesn't quite seem that way. They both know the truth. Apparently, all Rodney needed was the change in tone because he's already standing and moving forward. "Thanks, buddy."

Rodney stops and it takes a moment for Sheppard to realize that he's heel-toeing his shoes off so that he can properly stretch out next to him, shoulder to shoulder. He hadn't been expecting his friend to take the more intimate approach, but he's ever so happy that he did. Because there is something he hasn't been able to admit to himself, but also hasn't been able to ignore. He has slept for crap over the last three months. Because those moments they spent in this infirmary, wrapped around each other in different ways .. that is the best sleep he has gotten in five years. And now that he has experienced it, the lack of it has made trying to sleep even worse. He's sure that probably factors in to why he fainted, too.

"How are you feeling?" There is nothing subtle, vague, or mild about the open concern in Rodney's voice, and Sheppard really just wants to melt into it. Wants to wrap that concern around him as a permanent reminder that Rodney McKay cares about him in some way.

"Honestly? Tired, a little sick to my stomach. I feel like I've been raked over the coals or something, buddy." McKay makes a soft sort of clicking sound that is meant to be sympathetic, a fact most don't know because they've never taken the time to understand him. Their loss, as far as the Colonel is concerned. Definitely his gain, as it means there are very few people he has to share the scientist with. Mostly just their team .. oh, right, and the -girlfriend-. The less he has to think about her, the better for everyone. (Seriously, Lorne and his -petition-!) "So .. what did Dr. Keller have to say about it all?" By some miracle, he manages to keep his voice level through that question. Manages not to let a quiver or strain show through when he says her name.

"Very little, not surprisingly. She was still operating under the assumption that I have no right to medical knowledge or decisions pertaining to you." Sheppard's lips peel back in a snarl. It is -not- a good trait in a doctor, this disability toward -learning- things once the information has been presented.

"You are the only person in this damn city with the right to both of those! She's been -told- this!" He's seething, heaving angry breaths, hands tightening in fists against his blankets. Because this is a step too far. She'd been told already, that she had no right to try and withhold information.

"That's exactly what I told her, right before I told her that Dr. Davis has been put in charge of your treatment. Oh! And, because apparently she was not smart enough to figure this out, I had to explain to her -why- she and I are no longer together. She didn't really seem to grasp that any better than the fact that we are listed for each other." Shepprd's hands go lax instantly, his mouth hanging open in a way that he is sure looks befuddled and ridiculous, but he -so- can't be bothered to care.

"Let me get this straight .. you broke up with Dr. Keller -and- made sure she didn't have medical access to me??" Upon his friend's confused nod, Sheppard finds himself having to look away. Because he's seized by the desire to do something wacky and basically -insane-! He wants to reach out and kiss his friend. Surely, it would be nothing more than an over exaggerated peck on the cheek. (Because he has always been so 'good' at lying to himself.) Instead, he clears his throat and decides to play this a different way. "Do me a favor, McKay? Can you just .. close your eyes for a moment?" The scientist gives him a quizzical look, but doesn't hesitate to close his eyes tightly. Because there will always be trust between the two of them. That trust may have been a little rocky in the beginning, may have waned a bit for both of them at different times, but it was hard fought and has remained strong for several years now.

Once McKay's eyes are closed, Sheppard does something of a different kind of insanity. He pumps his fist a few times in the air, celebrating what he is considering two beautiful victories! McKay is no longer dating someone wrong for him in every way and that someone doesn't have access to him. Yay!

"Did .. did you -really- just fist pump, Sheppard!?" He nearly chokes on thin air, turning to look at his friend. Not in the least bit surprised that Rodney's eyes are still closed, since he hasn't said to open them again. Sometimes his scientist can be too literal.

"What? No, of course not! You can open your eyes now, Rodney." They open immediately, and he is warmed to see the sparkle of mischief there. He has learned to gauge so many situations and possibilities by Rodney's eyes. That mischief means that everything is going to be okay. That there is -hope- and -happiness- in their future.

"You did! You totally -did-! You just fist pumped like a -teenager-, Sheppard!" The other man looks about two seconds from actually jumping on the bed, and ohh! That would be fun! Focus, Sheppard! He shakes his head minutely to clear it, pouting and giving what he has been told is his 'cute puppy face' where he furrows his brows but also makes his eyes big. Because that almost always works on Rodney.

"I did no such thing, buddy, and you have no proof." Except this time, apparently. Because Rodney goes from being playful to serious almost instantly. His closest hand begins to flex, to furl and unfurl, as if he's struggling to do or not do something. (He wonders if Rodney wants to hold his hand. That thought is far more appealing than it should be.) 

"John .. you have to know that I would do that, yes? That I would never sit around and let someone close to you that I thought didn't have your best interests at heart?" It takes him a few seconds to realize what Rodney means and he feels .. a little gutted. Because while it's great that Keller won't be treating him, that is -not- what that childish little display was for. Of course it wasn't.

"That's not what that ... of course I know that, Rodney. Of course. You're the one I most trust, or you wouldn't have the ultimate say in what happens to me if I can't speak for myself." He shifts uncomfortably for a second, his eyes drooping, gaze dropping down so that he is staring at the clenched fist of Rodney's hand. Maybe he could just reach out .. could take his best friend's hand under the pretext of trying to unfurl it. Or, does he even -need- a pretext? Sure, most friends don't just hold hands for no reason, but since when do -either- of them fall into the category of most anything? They are so very abnormal in the best of ways. The interesting ways. The ways that make them the very best of friends. 

"Okay. I just .. I wanted to make sure." He doesn't reach out. Doesn't cross that small barrier between them. Instead, he finally looks away from Rodney, staring off into space as that sense of bone-deep weariness begins to settle in again. "You're getting tired. You haven't been sleeping any better than you've been eating, have you, Colonel?" He wants to refute this truth .. wants to be able to tell his friend that he's been doing just fine, but there's no reason to start lying now. He may stretch the truth, dodge a subject, or just flat out refuse to answer, but he does every thing in his power not to outright lie to his friend. Of course, jesting and kidding don't count, but for the major things, if he chooses to answer, he tries to be truthful. 

"Not really, no. I keep trying, I just .. I can't seem to get ..... comfortable enough to sleep worth anything." He nearly does it. Nearly blurts out the fact that he -misses him- too much to sleep properly. He quickly turns his head away, glancing toward the doors, silently wondering where the hell Ronon and Teyla are with their food. Anything to get him out of the torture of this awkwardness.

"I know what you mean. I, uhm .. haven't been sleeping too well, either. Like .. I'm right back to the first year of the expedition levels of non-sleep." Sheppard finds himself nearly choking on thin air again.

"What the -hell-, McKay!? Why am I -just now- finding out about this!?" He's screeching, his limbs shuddering with the exertion of holding the full weight of his emotions back. Because he remembers the first year of the expedition. The way Rodney ran himself into the ground even -before- the Wraith threatened to destroy the whole city. To think of his friend in such a state now, when there is no real threat to face, guts him. Even though he knows it's dangerous, even though he knows that his emotions are riding some strange current of rollercoaster at the moment, he allows himself to turn a little, so that he's just barely leaning into his friend's personal space. Staring down at him.

Rodney looks .. guilty, surprised, hopeful, but not ... uncomfortable. The one thing he -had- expected from breaching the scientists personal space.

"Because there's no reason for me to discuss my sleep patterns with you, Sheppard! You sure as hell haven't said a damn thing to me as to why you aren't eating, let alone that you weren't sleeping either. What was it you said earlier? Ah. Yes. 'This is what we call a pot-kettle situation, buddy' So, until you are ready to divulge a few home truths, Colonel, I suggest you stow the attitude." Just as quick as his ire raised, it shrinks to nothing. Especially when Rodney begins to move. Shifts toward the edge of the bed, prepared to leave and Sheppard just can -not- handle that, okay?!

He's put on weight for no discernible reason, he's eating and sleeping for crap, he's so very lonely despite daily interactions with his best friend and his team/family ... the last thing he thinks he can stomach at the moment, is Rodney running away from him in a strop. (In truth, the strop he can handle. Has, many times before. It's the thought of Rodney -running- from him that has him in a terrible state.) He reaches out before he can talk himself out of the movement, grabbing Rodney by the bicep and nearly groaning at how strong the scientist feels under his hand. 

"I'm sorry, buddy, you're right. Just .. I'm sorry. Don't leave." He forces himself to swallow the word -PLEASE- because that way lay madness, for now. Maybe one day, when he has a better handle on himself, better understands himself, he can allow the use of that word more often. (Many words, actually.) But for now, he must do his best to hold himself together.

"I .." The feeling of Rodney deflating under his hand is shocking, surreal, and all kinds of gross. He does not like the thought of physically feeling his friend wilting into himself. He nearly jerks his hand back, but knows that Rodney would get the wrong idea from that and again, he'd run away in a strop. So he waits, shuddering inside, as Rodney carefully stretches back out. Lines their two bodies up until they are pressed firmly against each other again. By that moment, Sheppard has drawn his hand back, reclaimed some small part of his sanity. "We can talk about this later, Sheppard. Right now, I'm just tired and .. not really in the mood for all of this. I'm more concerned why you fainted, why you were in pain. After we figure that out .. then we can talk." Sheppard tries so very hard not to point out that he told Keller the same thing, and it took three months for it to happen. He himself is too damn tired to want to talk, anyway. No, instead, he feels another bout of momentary insanity taking hold, because he's considering doing something for which he has no actual excuse. At least last time he could blame it on being half out of it after getting hit with a wave of Ancient energy. 

"Yeah, I get it, buddy. Things are too .. well, just too much right now. I'm tired, too." He licks his lips quickly, a sure sign that he's nervous as all hell. At least he's managed not to do the eyebrow thing that usually accompanies licking his lips. "So .. I have an idea. It might sound a little crazy .. might be a bit .. odd .. but just .. hear me out, okay?" When Rodney gives him a little bit of a suspicious nod, he considers backtracking and saying something else. But in for a penny, in for a pound. Or some other 'profound' cliche. "Why don't we just sleep, Rodney? We both slept really well in here last time, so why don't we try again? Food and the team will be here when we wake up. What do you say?" He subtly shifts his head, so that he cannot see the way Rodney reacts. Some part of him feeling a little vulnerable and cowardly, not wanting to face the pain of possible rejection.

"Uh .." The sound is soft, strange. It almost sounds like a skipped beat rather than an actual syllable. After a moment without it being followed by anything .. he huffs and turns. Rodney looks .. broken. That's the only word for it. His eyes have gone distant, his mouth is hanging slack. After another few moments, Sheppard finds himself fighting down a wave of panic.

"Rodney!" He hisses the name, hands snapping down onto his shoulders, clinging as he tries to decide if it would be safe to shake him back to awareness.

"Sorry. Right. Uhm ... I'm just exhausted enough to think this is a good idea." Wait .. _**what the what**_!? That is -not- the response he was expecting. The one he was -hoping- for, yes, but not expecting. He licks his lips again, shifting uncomfortably. Even though -he's- the one that asked, he suddenly wants to roll over and boot his best friend from the bed. It's a moronic thought, a self-preservation instinct that he has had most of his life. This instinct to shut down and block out. One of the reasons he and Nancy never could've worked. Another indication that he rushed into marriage without a clue, because that instinct should not come into play with the right person, at the right time.

"Are, uh .. are you sure?" He hates himself a little bit for trying to give Rodney a way out. He hopes he doesn't take it, despite that momentary lapse. He really does want Rodney to curl up with him so that they can both get some sleep. If he's truthful with himself, which he tries really hard -never- to be, he knows that he also wants Rodney within reach, for now until forever would be preferable. He cannot imagine a day where he cannot see his friend. The few times it has happened .. well, they were not good days.

"Yes, John, I am sure. Now shut up before I have time to actually start thinking." His mouth immediately snaps closed, lips compressed tight despite the joking manner of the words. "Okay. I only have one question, and if you laugh, jeer, or make fun in anyway, I'm out of here before your next breath, Sheppard." He gives a quick, silent nod, still keeping his mouth closed tight. "Right ... I never thought I'd have reason to ask this again ..... big spoon or little spoon?" His mind refuses to process the actual question at first, because he's still stuck on the word -again-. That suggests that McKay has had to ask the question -at least- once before, and since he cannot think of a single woman that would need to be asked that, it has his mind going into overdrive. Because it would suggest that Rodney has had reason to ask a man (or men) that question.

Suddenly, Sheppard cannot breathe correctly, let alone try and answer the question. He vaguely hopes, somewhere in the back of his mind where thought is still possible, that McKay doesn't take his silence the wrong way, but he's being forced to perform a hard reboot of his cognitive faculties! He is having to mentally restructure everything he has ever thought about McKay, preparing to see it through this new light, if he wants to or not. Because this has meaning .. possibility .. this means he must reroute his thought pattern to include things he has been denying hardcore because he assumed that there was less than an absolute zero chance of them -ever- happening. 

"Right." The word is a squeak from a throat reduced to gritty gravel and parched earth. "Uhm .." His mind has finally slipped back onto it's new, altered path and all he can think about ... is how -good- and -right- it felt, having Rodney wrapped around him. How he had woken up and basically demanded that Rodney put his arm back where it -belonged-. He swallows thickly, licks his dry lips and carefully turns so that his back is to his best friend. He waits patiently, and when Rodney doesn't immediately move, he swallows heavily again. "Too far away, buddy." He mirrors the words he had spoken last time and releases a pent breath when Rodney's hand appears on his stomach. Gently, almost as if afraid Sheppard will run or break, Rodney pulls him back until they are cuddled together as they had been last time. 

Sheppard does not go stiff, unsteady, or begin to panic as he feared he might. He instantly relaxes. Breathes easier as his eyes begin to droop closed. 

"Sweet dreams, Rodney." He barely has time to slur the words out before he's headed into a deep, peaceful sleep.

* * *

Poor Rodney didn't fall asleep right away. He had just enough time to -PANIC- about the fact that he's wrapped around Sheppard -yet again- and doesn't seem to have an actual problem with it! Because of course, the complete -absence- of panic would be what makes him panic. After about half an hour of trying to talk himself down off the metaphorical ledge, he allowed himself to relax into Sheppard's back and within minutes of leaning into his friend, he was sound asleep.

That lasted for all of three hours before he cries out in his sleep. He is vaguely aware of the sound that comes from him, of Sheppard jerking awake in his arms and turning to face him.

"Rodney!?" The Colonel's voice is tight with concern, but Rodney cannot manage to react. Instead, he calls out again, shuddering in his sleep. "Rodney!? Damn it, wake up, buddy!" He feels hands grabbing at his shoulders and shaking him desperately. He whimpers, eyes finally snapping open. Sheppard's handsome features (Rodney is not -even- going to dwell on thinking about calling him handsome right now) are blurred and shiny. It takes him almost a minute to realize that he is seeing Sheppard like that because tears are sluggishly working down his cheeks. 

"Sh-Sheppard." He slurs the name weakly, feeling the hands carefully working him into a sitting position. "I didn't mean .. to wake you." He must bite back a whimper of pain as he's brought to rest against the pillows now propping them both. Sheppard's hands have moved from his shoulders. One is .. oh God, one is cupped against his cheek. It takes him too long to understand that Sheppard is checking his temperature. 

"Seriously? You think I care that you -woke me up-, Rodney? Don't be stupid." Sheppard huffs and grunts, finally pulling the hand away from his cheek and he feels like he should apologize again. Because he knows that his friends hand is now covered in tears and sweat. All that's missing is blood, really. "Would rather be up and able to take care of you, then asleep while you're going through something. You should know that by now. Your problems are mine, buddy." Sheppard smiles and even when it's viewed through a thin film of saltwater, it's beautiful beyond reason. How is that even fair!? Does the Colonel even realize how -blessed- he is?! Because Rodney is really starting to feel jealous, here! 

"I really don't deserve you, John." The words are so soft, he's not even convinced he's said them out loud until he feels Sheppard take his hand, clinging to it. 

"Oh really? And here I thought -I- was the lucky one. I somehow snagged the smartest man in -two- galaxies for a best friend. How the hell did I manage that?" Rodney can feel his cheeks heating up, his eyes drooping closed as his fatigue digs in a little deeper. 

"By being one hell of a person, John. You're the bravest, kindest, most badass person I've ever known. Not to mention one of the smartest." Rodney laughs suddenly, the sound a little sluggish, but there. "Did you know I even told Radek that? Said that he was the third smartest person I knew, second only to me and you." The hand around his tightens briefly before returning to normal pressure, but he cannot make his eyes open further.

"I'm flattered you think I could in -any- way compare to Radek, Rodney. But I think you're biased." 

"No, no. I've actually thought this through, Sheppard. See, Radek is smart, no denying it. He's almost as smart as me, but so are you. You have a high IQ, qualified for -Mensa- and ALSO have the military prowess to back it all up. You're so much more well rounded than me or Radek, which is why you score higher than he does. While I am biased in just about -everything- involving you, you know better than that. I would never give you intelligent props if you didn't deserve it." The hand around his suddenly disappears, prompting him to try and open his eyes.

Sheppard is once again outlined in a filmy haze, but Rodney can still see the brilliant smile he's wearing.

"I am beyond flattered, Rodney. Really. I --"

"Sorry to cut you off, Sheppard, but Rodney needs an IV and there are a few tests I need to perform on you." Dr. Davis appears somewhere at the end of the bed, and Rodney scoots closer to Sheppard on instinct. Taking up a protective, almost possessive position, though he's not entirely sure -why-.

"Of course, doc. Rodney definitely needs an IV, and once he's all set, you can start poking and prodding me." There's a playful lilt to the voice of his friend, but Rodney knows better. He can hear the little notes of untethered concern underneath it all and it catches like barbed wire on his tired heart. Somehow, someway, he managed to befriend John Sheppard and yet, it is the -Colonel- that feels lucky for reasons that will never even begin to make sense to the genius. 

"I suppose suggesting the doctor look at you first would be pointless, yes?" Despite the question, Rodney has already lifted his shirt sleeve and is bearing the crook of his arm to the doctor, because he knows the answer like the correct sequence to shut down the power in Atlantis.

"You suppose right, buddy. You are top priority right now, McKay. Deal with it." Sheppard actually grins as he says this, and all Rodney can conjure is an exhausted rolling of his eyes.

"Hence my arm bared for the vampire, Colonel." He doesn't try to inject any playfulness into his voice, because it's shaking from exhaustion and sickness and it would be pointless to try and play this off now. So instead, he closes his eyes and rests back against the mound of pillows. For some unexplainable reason, he's not the least bit surprised when Sheppard takes his free hand and links their fingers as naturally as breathing. (Or in the case of his best friend, as natural as those elfin ears and perfect hair. Lovable bastard!)

"Come on, Rodney. Didn't we have this conversation enough with Carson? Don't antagonize the man with the pointy objects, okay?" The scientist is both amused and ashamed to find that he is seized by the desire to stick his tongue out at Sheppard. It is a near miss. Instead, he sighs and settles further onto the bed.

"Yes, yes, of course. I meant absolutely nothing by that vampire remark, Davis." He tries to aim the words toward his elbow, but he's too damn tired to project or turn his head too much.

"Eh, that's alright, Rodney. Though I will have my retribution if you call me a VooDoo or HooDoo Doctor .. got it?" At the weary nod, Davis gently pulls his hand away from Rodney's elbow. "There, all done. You should begin to feel the effects in a little bit. More than likely, you'll end up asleep in a few minutes and will sleep through the process. Don't fight it, man." Another weary nod is all he is capable of, though this time, his eyes forcefully climb open when he feels Sheppard's hand tightening on his. Anchoring him as he always does.

"Just sleep, McKay. I'll be here when you wake up." He tries to smile, but the tingling in his lips, another symptom, makes it almost impossible to know if he pulls it off or not.

"You damn well better be, Colonel." He leans over, knocks his shoulder fondly against the other mans and then returns to a state of stillness.

"Sleep well, buddy. Alright, doc, where do you want me?" He is aware of Dr. Davis chuckling, of Sheppard exiting the bed reluctantly, and especially aware ... of Sheppard -not- letting his hand go until he absolutely -has- to. The loss of those fingers between his is profound, painful, and too much for his pain soaked mind to bare. Because in the very next breath, he's out cold.

* * *

Sheppard is nervous beyond reason. It was hard enough leaving Rodney behind, double so with the knowledge that he now has to face medical tests. If he had his way, he'd simply grab Rodney and escort him back to his room, where they could curl up on Rodney's bed and get some more sleep. God, that sounds like freakin' -heaven- right now. And not just because medical tests are the bane of his existence or anything, but because he knows that he's going to sleep terribly again once he and Rodney have to separate. Because he -knows- that they will. They can't just .. take up residence in each others rooms for the soul purpose of sleeping better. Even if it would solve so many damn problems! 

The moment Dr. Davis lead him out of the main room, that sense of anxiety and concern settled in the pit of his stomach. He actually considers telling the medical man about it, asking if it could be a symptom of something bigger, because this is just getting really ridiculous! Every time Rodney is out of his sight, he feels as if he's on the verge of a panic attack and that doesn't make a lick of sense! Like, none of the sense, man, because Rodney has been out of his sight -plenty- of times over the past five years and the -only- time Sheppard physically couldn't -breathe- was when Rodney was disappearing right in front of him because of that stupid Second Childhood bullshit. Okay, yeah, and when Kolya said that Elizabeth was dead and that McKay was next, after having -knifed- the scientist, he may have had a little .. hiccup .. with his ability to breathe. But whatever, that was two times ... -three- times. Seeing Rodney with wrapped hands and finding out that he saved Carter -and- Keller's lives like a badass had made him the least little bit lightheaded. 

But that's it! Oh wait, there was the time Rodney -volunteered- to go with Kolya to chase after a ZPM. Yeah, the moment McKay volunteered, his world turned into a blackened tunnel vision and he thought he might actually pass out. But, yeah, that's it. (Todd. Todd. Volunteering to let Todd feed on him to save Jeannie. God, just the -thought- of McKay basically asking for his permission to -die- is a special kind of hell he will never fully recover from.)

Okay. That's not it. Not by a -long- shot, but whatever. He has never felt -this- compelled to worry for no apparent reason simply because Rodney isn't visible. It is not -normal- for him to be so bothered when there is no danger of Rodney being kidnapped, killed, or injured. At first, he assumed that the ramped up levels of concern for his best friend was a direct result to them getting hit with a random energy wave while exploring a lab, but it has since gone past that possibility. If it were just that, the fact that Rodney has been -fine- for three months would've whittled that worry down to absolute zero by now, but it hasn't. In fact, he is a little worried that it has only amped up more in the last few months rather than dissipated as it should have. 

"Sheppard. I need you to try and -relax-, okay? You're sending the readings all over the place and that won't do you a damn bit of good. So just .. take a deep breath, Colonel." He wants to rage at the doctor. Wants to call him every name under the sun but even he knows how irrational that would be. So, he does as instructed. He takes a deep, calming breath, closes his eyes, and manages to clear his mind for a few minutes. Enough for the doctor to draw blood, run another scan, and perform a few tests that Sheppard doesn't know enough about to pay attention to. 

Before he knows it, an hour and a half has passed. That is far longer than he had planned on being away from his friend and the pit in his gut yawns wider, twists deeper. Morphs into a gaping chasm that has him feeling restless.

"Thank you for being patient, Colonel. I know you've never really been big on the whole medical experience. Unfortunately ... I think I need to run a few more tests. Sorry. Could, uh .. could you do me a favor? I need you to lay back and lift your shirt up. I want to check your stomach." Okay, what the _what_?! His first thought, not surprising, is cancer. After all of the radiation he's been exposed to since coming to Atlantis, on top of every other unknown Ancient BS they may have breathed in, ingested, absorbed, etc ... he forces himself to take a few calming breaths and then lays back. He unbuttons his uniform shirt and then lifts his undershirt, leaving his stomach exposed. 

The sense of panic that wells up within him is overwhelming, overpowering, and pretty much insane. The moment his stomach is exposed, it feels as if every breath of air leaves his lungs. His vision becomes spotted, and he actually starts to **-whimper-**! Not exactly a sound he is known for or anything. His hands immediately fly to his stomach. Strong, trembling fingers splay out across the little swell there, and his chest feels like it's on fire.

It seems to take forever for him to realize that he's panting for breath. In fact, he's heaving so hard that it is starting to make his stomach ache, making the skin around his ribs feel like it's on fire. What the fuck is going on here!? 

"Sheppard!" The voice of the doctor is muffled yet present, but he doesn't have the lung capacity to actually answer to the calling of his name. "John! Damn it, I need you to -breathe-, son!" Easier said than done, doc! He really wishes he could scream at the man, but he can't. Not just from lack of breath, but apparently because what little breath he -can- manage on each inhale is being used to openly sob as he continues to spiral down into panic. "John!! You're having a panic attack, son. Here, grab onto me." A hand is thrust out and he manages to wrench a palm away from his stomach and reach blindly for the offered comfort.

A hand wraps tightly around his wrist and in the next moment, his palm is pressed flat and tight against Davis' chest. He can -feel- the man's heartbeat. It feels unnaturally calm compared to the wild rampage his own organ is currently undergoing. He draws all of his attention and focus on to the steady rhythm, using it to bind his own heartbeat. 

"That's it, kiddo. Just slow your breathing. Steady, in and out. Follow my heartbeat, John. Match your breath to mine, kiddo." He doesn't understand, doesn't know what about the words do it, but being called son, kiddo, even just called JOHN in the midst of all of this .. it makes him cry -harder-. He wonders if this is what an emotional breakdown feels like. Despite everything he's been through, he doesn't really have anything to compare it to. But given how hard this all hurts mentally, emotionally, he believes that is exactly what he's experiencing at the moment.

"Good. That's good, John. Nice and calm now, son." His tears have finally ceased, his breathing a little labored but at least he's no longer seeing black void spots on the edge of his vision. "Have you ever had something like this happen before, Colonel?" He's seized by a desire to -beg- the doctor to revert to one of the others .. son, kiddo, John. Anything but Colonel or Sheppard, but he can't. No right. He has no right to ask that of the man. 

"N-no. Never had a panic attack before, doc." Now, he had come close to -thinking- he was going to have a panic attack on many Rodney-related occasions, but that's different than actually -having- one, so he doesn't mention it. Instead, he continues to concentrate on keeping calm.

"Unusual, but not unheard of. I just wish I knew what set you off." Sheppard has a sinking, strung out suspicion of what caused it, just not -why- it happened. If that makes any sense. "Okay. Lets try this again, shall we? Lay back down for me." He hesitates for a moment, but complies. Carefully lays himself down and makes sure that both shirts are out of the way of his stomach. And one again, the moment that his belly is exposed, he feels that same razor-sharp edge of panic starting up. 

"It .. it's my stomach. The thought of anyone getting near me .. I can't -breathe- doc. Something .. something is -really- wrong. I can't ... I -can't- ..." Oh god, he's panting for breath again. The thought of going through what happened a moment ago .. it is reinforcing the anxiety and he knows that he's going to freak out again if this continues. "JUST STOP GETTING CLOSE!" He shrieks the words as an unmistakable order and is a little surprised when Davis immediately takes a step back, both hands raised to show that he poses no threat. The second he is back, out of his personal bubble, Sheppard can breathe normal again. What the hell!?

"Okay. It's okay, kiddo. I have a different idea, alright?" Davis turns and moves toward the full body scanner Ancient tech and Sheppard is still breathing normal, so maybe this will be okay. Maybe. "Now. I need you to walk over here and lay down. You can leave your shirt where it is, no need to expose your stomach." He finds himself hesitating, but he doesn't feel as if his next breath might be his last, so that's good. He carefully transfers from one flat surface to the other, fighting down a shudder once he's prone. "Now, you've been through one of these before, so it's nothing to worry about, Colonel. Just relax, it'll only take a moment." He watches, wide-eyed and uneasy, as Davis begins to adjust something on the machine. He feels sick to his stomach .. strung up, strung out, ready to run from the infirmary screaming and he still doesn't understand -why-. This is a foreign feeling taking root inside of him, a plague of confusion spreading beneath his skin that he's not emotionally equipped to handle and he doesn't have the first clue who to turn to.

Rodney will always be his first choice, for just about everything, but he knows his best friend well enough to know hat this isn't the kind of thing he can help with. Because Rodney is the only person more emotionally stunted than himself. Hell! Even -Ronon- is better at such things. And yet, he'd not go to Chewie about it, either. because, where the Satedan is definitely better at this, he still struggles with communication and he'd rather not put either of them through that.

Teyla would be the obvious choice, but the thought of trying to open up to her about things leaves a bad taste in his mind. It makes his skin crawl with embarrassment and he just .. he can't do it. Which means he will likely remain confused and uneasy for some time now.

"You're doing good, Colonel. I'm almost done." Huh. His thoughts so thoroughly distracted him, that he hadn't even realized the scan had begun. He has never been so thankful for being broody before. He allows his eyes to drift closed, allows his breathing to steady into an even flow that grounds him in the moment. He never wants to experience a panic attack again. The thought of losing control is bad enough, but to experience it in such a technicolor way is .. well, it's just not something he's ready to face again. "Alright, Colonel, all done. Go ahead and sit up while I look this over." He hesitates for a moment before he manages to push himself to a sitting position. The movement immediately sparks a churning gurgle in his stomach. 

Without warning, he darts off the table and toward the nearest trashcan. He barely has enough time to grip the sides of the bin before he feels the sudden flood of bile in his mouth. It feels as if it's pouring from every surface, filling the cavity of his tongue a few moments before bile, water, and food come rushing up his gullet. It burns, blocks the passage of air through his mouth and nose and he is once again forced to fight down a wave of panic.

"John!" Davis appears at his side, a hand rubbing awkward but soothing circles on his back. The other is gripping his bicep, helping hold him steady as he expels the meager contents of his stomach. "Well, only on Atlantis would something like this make perfect sense. I've, uh .. I've got some interesting news for you, son." The hands continue to support and coddle him, and Sheppard pretty much wants to sob his thanks as his stomach finally begins to ease up. After a few moments, he finds himself guided back to the bed he had been sitting on when he panicked. Feels a cold cup of water being guided into his hands and he drinks it down in one long, desperate pull. Probably not the smartest of moves, but he's not exactly thinking clearly at the moment.

"So. Normally, I would probably find a way to be a bit .. better at a reveal like this, but normally I would be talking to a woman that new that this was a possibility. Instead, I'm having to talk to the very -make- military leader of Atlantis. How is this my life?" Davis huffs and settles on a stool directly in front of him, which doesn't exactly bode well for what's about to be said. "So, I'm just going to come right out and say it, Colonel. The scan confirms that you're pregnant." 

One minute ..... two minutes ....... three minutes pass in absolute silence. Neither of them seem willing to speak first. Of course, John's reason is probably much different than the doctors.

"Is it April?" Sheppard manages to make himself heard, turning his glazed gaze toward the doctor again.

"What?"

"Is it -April-, doc?" He emphasizes the word even though he knows that it's not. At this point, he's not even grasping at straws, he's just struggling to try and make sense out of the utterly senseless.

"What?? Oh." As realization dawns on the old mans face, Sheppard looks away quickly. He cannot stand to see the pity and sadness displayed there. "No, John, it's not April. This isn't a hoax, prank, joke, or Keller trying to get back at you." Is it creepy that he could just about kiss the older man for making sure to include Keller in all of this? Because as paranoid and off kilter as he's currently feeling, he could very easily include that bitch in all of this. "The short and simple of it .. is that you're pregnant. Are you going to tell the other Father?" And just like that, his ability to breathe is compromised again. 

The doctor means it. He. Is. Pregnant. That is an earth-shattering truth that has just reached out and sucker punched his entire state of being. It has ripped a hole in the thing he has called life and restructured it in an instant. And that's -before- the man reminds him that he's not alone in all of this. If he's pregnant, there has to be a reason, a cause, and another parent .. right? 

It is painfully obvious, of course, who it has to be. -When- it has to have happened. Rodney. Energy Wave. Three months ago. Every little truth that had seemed inconsequential until now carefully slots together to show the bigger picture and Sheppard is screwed. So. Very. Screwed.

"No. Not yet. And you have to promise me, Dr. Davis. This stays between us, doctor-patient confidentiality and all of that. I don't want anyone but you and me knowing."

"John. He has a right to know. And Stargate Command are going to have to be informed sooner or later." He begins to protest. Of course he does. The thought of Rodney knowing, let alone SGC, is enough to make him feel sick. "Don't start with me, Colonel. I'm not going to jump the gun. Not gonna go blabbing your business, because I -do- believe in my work and the oaths I've taken. But sooner or later, others -will- have to know. For now, I'm going to draw up a few lists, gather some pertinent information for you. For starters, you'll have to take some supplements, and I'll give you a list of foods that should be easy on your stomach. You're going to need all the strength you can muster, which means eating better and keeping as much of it down as you can. No more training with Teyla and Ronon. The pregnancy is going to be high risk, given the fact that it should be impossible in the first place." Davis suddenly frowns, glances away from him for a moment and it makes John's stomach gurgle with unease. "I should .. I guess I should ask. Do you want to keep it? I don't really believe in abortion, but sometimes it's necessary, and this .. this is a time where I could help if I had to. Do you want to see this through?"

Sheppard isn't sure what his face looks like in that moment, but he could just about guess. It had not occurred to him that he should terminate the life growing in him. Because he remembers. He -remembers- what he had been thinking when that terminal activated. How -desperately- he wanted to be able to have a -family- with his best friend, to have a baby boy or girl, or several of each, that would be the perfect mix of the two of them. His hands fly to his stomach, palms flat against the extended expanse. His lips have peeled back into a threatening, silent snarl.

"No one is touching my child, Davis. I'll end anyone that tries." It's a threat, no ifs, ands, or buts about it. A straight out, straight up -threat- and there is no room to believe it would not be carried out in a split second if someone tried to end the pregnancy.

"Good. It doesn't sit right, the thought of ending a life. I'll have the information and meds to you by the end of the day, Colonel." John pushes himself weakly off the bed, his hands still splayed protectively across his stomach as he moves.

"Thanks, doc. Now, if you'll excuse me." He flashes a tired smile and turns, heading right out of the infirmary and toward his own room. Forgetting that he had promised Rodney he'd be there when his best friend woke up.

The moment he enters his room, he locks the door so that even Rodney wouldn't able to get in and curls up on his bed. He lays on his side, body curved so that his stomach is braced and protected, his hands resting there. He is horrified to find that he wants to -coo- at his stomach. Wants to baby talk to the precious little life growing within.

"It's going to be okay, little one. No matter what, I'm here for you. The world will be beautiful and ugly, kind and unfair .. but you'll always have me, baby." He knows that he's smiling. Grinning like a goofy fool and it probably won't stop any time soon. As utterly terrified as he is to be going into such highly uncharted territory .. he's also excited beyond measure. Because no matter what happens .. he's going to have a family. He tucks himself a little tighter, tightens his palms a little further over his belly and presses his cheek into his pillow. 

He's going to be a Daddy. How fucking COOL is that!?


	3. Gestation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So many emotions ahead.

Time marches on, obviously. It doesn't stand still so that the first man in known history can gestate a living being inside of him. Though Sheppard sorely wishes it -would- stop for just a bit. Just long enough for him to get a handle on what's going to be happening in half a year's time. God. He's going to be a -Dad-!! He has been keeping this news to himself, holding the information close to the belt and alternating between scared out of his mind and damn near euphoric! Doc Davis says that this is a natural reaction to the thought of pending parenthood, so he hasn't been freaking out too much with the back-and-forth emotions. 

He finds himself staring at his reflection in the mirror again. He is shirtless, his palms pressed firmly to his swelling stomach. His fingers are splayed in a cupping gesture that leaves him feeling aching and empty. Several times, he has caught himself daydreaming. Envisioning himself stretched out in bed on his back, shirt rucked up to reveal his stomach. And in every single one of those daydreams, Rodney was stretched out next to him. Pressing kisses to the developing swell. Reading and lecturing to it. Sometimes, he'd have his cheek pressed to Sheppard's navel, napping away blissfully. Other times, he'd just be rubbing his stomach, cooing and crowing to the baby. 

Every single one of those daydreams hurts worse than when Todd fed on him. Than when Wraith Queens invaded his mind and forced him to kneel. Hurts worse than when he thought Kolya killed Elizabeth. Hell, it hurts worse than when he thought Rodney was going to die because of that Ascension machine, Rodney's Second Childhood, his own Iratus Conversion, and Rodney being captured by the rogue Asgard Tribe all wrapped up into one. 

Basically .. it's a lot of emotional pain he just isn't equipped to handle. However, every time he thinks he may be teetering on the precipice of a breakdown, he reminds himself that while he may not have Rodney .. he sure as hell has this precious little life developing inside of him. He honestly thought he'd never live to see the day he would gush over a coming child, but that is exactly how he is reacting.

He glances at his stomach one last time before he exits his bathroom, making a b-line for his bed and the few remaining clothes that still fit him. He has subtly been expanding the waistband of his uniform pants, but soon, he's going to have to do something because he has officially run out of space. Maybe Doc Davis would run to the mainland and get him some replacements or something? He doesn't want to officially requisition any because SGC could ask questions he just isn't ready to answer yet. He forlornly fingers the fabric of his uniform pants before he pulls them on with a sigh.

"Don't worry, little one, Daddy'll figure this all out. You might not have a .. a Papa or a Father ... but you'll always have me." And if SGC or anyone else thought to -change- that ... well, he'll gate out of here so quick no one will know he's gone until it's too late. He has given up a -lot- in his military career, but this is one thing he will -never- give up. He pats his stomach affectionately before he turns and heads out of his quarters. First stop, the infirmary and hopefully some good news!

* * *

Sheppard finds himself humming gently as he exits the transporter and heads into the infirmary. Life is not completely on the mend, given the fact that Atlantis hasn't returned home yet, but life is -definitely- looking better. Though he finds himself struggling not to reach toward his stomach in his happiness. It would be too odd for the Military Leader of Atlantis to walk around holding his belly.

"Doc?" He calls out, forcing himself to stop humming and calm a little. "Here for my check up!" He turns and heads toward the little alcove he usually settles in for Davis to look him over.

"Check up? What on Earth do you need a check up for, Colonel?" Rodney's voice is a little snide and a whole lotta hurt. When he woke up in the infirmary and Sheppard wasn't there ... well, he had been less than thrilled, as one might imagine. In fact, he has been steadily avoiding Sheppard unless Teyla or Ronon were present. A fact that has been tearing Sheppard up, because he cannot remember a time when Rodney wasn't always there. Even when they were mad at each other through the years, they have always been right in each others back pockets. This is unnatural and annoying. Not to mention a little heart breaking given Sheppard's current medical situation.

"Now, that's not really any of your business, is it, McKay?" Not really what the Colonel -wants- to say, but what comes out all the same. Because as much as he cares for the other man, any time Rodney's ire is up at him, he cannot help but respond in kind. It's like a reflex or something. 

"Really? Is that how it is now, Colonel? Fine." There's a sense of finality in the words that cuts Sheppard to the quick. It slices right through the instinctual reaction to be an ass and reminds him that he really likes this man. Reminds him that Rodney is his best friend, no matter what. His hands instinctively move toward his stomach, but he manages to stop the action. Manages to tangle his fingers in the hem of his shirt, looking down at his feet.

"I don't know, McKay, -is it-? Because last time I checked, buddy ... -you- are the one that has been avoiding -me-!" He had meant to hold his tongue, he -really- had .. but he just can't! Rodney is acting as if Sheppard has done something wrong, when it was Rodney that seemed to bail on their friendship. Of course, he can't just go off and tell him -why- he wasn't there but still. They're best friends, Rodney should cut him some slack!

"Really? Because last time I checked, you -lied- to me, Sheppard!" Rodney's features have flushed with anger, his hands furled into tight fists pressed against his hips. Sheppard wonders momentarily if he will be sporting bruises and he is worried about that. But, he pushes that aside, trying to hold on to his anger. "You weren't there! What was so fucking important that I didn't see you for almost -24 hours- after you promised to be there when I woke up?!?" What was so important!? 

Yeah, okay, Sheppard feels almost as if he has been yanked out of his body and is somehow watching the scene from somewhere above. That is the only excuse he has for not censuring what comes out of his mouth next.

"I'm so fucking -sorry- I wasn't there when you woke up, Rodney! Excuse me for needing to recover from having a massive panic attack right before I found out I was **-PREGNANT-**!" He snarls those words so loud that he will be surprised if the majority of Atlantis didn't hear his screamed confession. "And yeah, I wasn't there for one MOMENT, but -you've- been absent for weeks now! So just fuck off, Dr. McKay." His voice has become hard, scathing, and cold. He knows what he's doing, hates himself even -as- he is doing it, but he can't stop. McKay hit a nerve and he feels as if he's bleeding out from the emotional wound. It is a last ditch effort to hurt McKay as deeply as he has been hurt. 

A few months after McKay and Keller hooked up, Rodney had confessed to John that he hated when Keller did this. When she got so angry, that she would strategically switch from using his name to calling him Dr. McKay. Verbally distancing herself from their relationship, or at least, that's what Rodney said it felt like to him.

So of course, John would have to be the kind of emotional assassin that would use that information against the one he cares about. He watches, still roiling and seething with anger, as Rodney begins to shut down. As the light leaves those beautiful blue eyes and that perfect mouth begins to turn down at the corners. It's not until he goes to take his next breath that he realizes what he has done. He has shattered a part of his best friend at a moment of heightened emotion. He has also let the proverbial cat out of the bag by shouting his biggest secret loud enough for the entire Infirmary to hear. A bunch of random people now know what only Rodney should've known. 

His breathing has begun to regulate, begun to slow, but he is no less angry or panicked. Rodney tricked him into revealing something he was not yet ready to. 

"Oh." A single, soft sound escapes the scientist, and if John didn't know him any better, he would be able to assume it's a simple sound. But no. Rodney makes very few sounds randomly or by chance. This oh is his Sherlock moment sound. " **Oh.** " Because of course. With how quickly Davis figured it out, Rodney would be quicker. He's the smartest man in two galaxies for a reason.

"Rodney. Just .. just stop. This .. it isn't anything for you to worry about, okay?" He sighs, feeling instantly defeated and tired. Honestly, he'd rather go a few rounds with a Wraith Queen, Ronon, and Teyla. Simultaneously. It would hurt less than this, anyway. Because he knows that he no longer has any hope. All of his daydreams are now forfeit, because Rodney knows and there's no way in hell that he will want to be a part of this. Not really. He knows his friend will feel obligated. That he will do everything in his power to -help- but John doesn't need it. Because that will only hurt worse. If Rodney won't be in this because he -wants- to .. then John cannot have him near.

This realization shatters something deep inside of him because never -once- did he stop to consider that doing this might lose him his best friend. He shakes himself steadily, his hands flying down to cup the swell of his stomach. There is no longer a reason to keep that instinct contained, after all. When he manages to look up, he winces at the blank expression on Rodney's face. He cannot really remember a time when his friend was this hard to read. 

"Are you even -joking- right now?! Because that is about the -only- explanation I can find for the lunacy coming out of your mouth at the moment, John! God, even if the child you're carrying wasn't -mine-, this would be something for me to worry about! Or what .. is this just another John Sheppard double standard? Like the one where it's wrong for me to go with the psychopathic Genii to save the people I love, but perfectly fine for you to 'so long, Rodney' me before flying a nuke into a fucking HIVE SHIP!?" He flinches and withers under the words, because Rodney is right. Of course the asshole is right! Sheppard knows that he has a double standard, okay? A pretty specific one that states it's perfectly fine for him to sacrifice his life in the line of duty, but like hell is anyone he loves going to do the same! So yes, he is aware of this shortcoming, but he cannot change it. Rather him than .. well, just about anyone, really. "Your problems are mine, buddy." Rodney's voice is acidic and nasty as he imitates John, parroting back the words the Colonel had spoken to him when he was sick. "Guess that only applies to you, when you want it to." 

"Rodney, I --" 

"No! You will SHUT UP! You will shut up and let me have my say, Colonel." The scientist takes a deep breath, his fists finally unfurling so that he can straighten the hem of his uniform shirt before he turns and ushers Sheppard the rest of the way into the alcove. Not that it really matters, since the damage has already been done. He's sure even the IOA know the situation by now. Won't facing them down be fun?

"Right, then." He watches his best friend take a deep breath. Watches the scientist brace himself in the same way he prepares to face down a difficult life-or-death moment in Atlantis. Or the way he prepares to face down a Wraith. And ain't that a cheery thought? John and their child rank at the same level as a damn Wraith!! "It would be safe to assume that this is the result of the console that activated shortly after our family left." Sheppard starts at those words. His hands push tighter against his belly, his eyes widen in surprise. He had thought that with Rodney avoiding him, any 'claim' he had to Maddy-girl or Jeannie and Caleb were forfeit. Rodney must read this thought in his sometimes too open features, because the scientist softens as he moves closer to the Colonel. "John. Are you -ever- going to believe me when I say this? They are -your- family, too. Maddy loves you as her Uncle. Jeannie loves you as her brother, and even Caleb seems to consider you a brother-type as well." Sheppard shivers, the words lodging in his heart to repair some of the pain and discomfort this conversation has already brought. 

"I .. I dunno, Rodney. Family .. it's never really been -good- for me, you know?" Well, no, of -course- Rodney doesn't know. How could he? He has never told him anything about his home life, growing up, or anything. He doesn't know that Sheppard has a sibling, let alone that he has an -ex wife-. Huh. It seems it might be time that they sat down and he actually opens up for a change. Lord knows Rodney has shared enough about his life through the years. "Or, well, I guess you don't, huh buddy? I guess I never really talk about much, do I?" How this conversation has gone from the two of them practically screaming each other down to Sheppard admitting he should -talk- more is beyond the Colonel. And yet, not as surprising as it might be to most people. There's just something about Rodney that makes every conversation, every experience unique. 

"Well .. no, I mean, you really don't. We never even talked after your Dad passed. Ronon .. he, uh .. he told me a little. He would've told me a lot more, but I asked him not to." That doesn't really surprise him, either. There are a -lot- of things Rodney pries into, but he also knows when to stop pushing with Sheppard. Most of the time, at least. (Chaya. It will -always- come back to Chaya in some way, he's sure. That is the closest their friendship came to imploding, and he thinks that is one of the reasons that entire debacle will always stick with him. Even Doranda wasn't as big a threat as Chaya had been.) "But it's okay, Sheppard. Honestly ... I've never wanted to push you too hard on that kind of thing. I mean, hell, it's no secret that I feel lucky that you're my friend at all. Even after -five years- I have people asking me what .. never mind." The scientist shuts down so quick that Sheppard wonders about whiplash for all of three seconds before he feels himself getting angry on Rodney's behalf. Again. That seems to happen a -lot- where his best friend is concerned.

"Oh hell no, Rodney. That is a thought you -definitely- need to finish. What kinda bullshit are they saying?" He wishes that he could blame this irrational need to hurt someone on Rodney's behalf on the hormones of pregnancy, but that would be the biggest damn lie! He has -always- felt this odd protectiveness of the scientist, ever since they walked into Atlantis together. Having those steps light up under their feet felt like the creation of an instant bond that he can't explain to save his life. All he knows, is that the bond has continued to grow and he's pretty sure it will never -stop- growing as long as they know each other. At least, he hopes so. But, anytime someone has done or said something to Rodney that threatened the man's mood, Sheppard has wanted to jump right in and knock heads around. But, he knows better. (Usually, at least.) 

"Does it really matter, John? The end of that sentence should be so damn obvious, after all. Every one still wonders what Ancient device I used to enslave you, or what piece of blackmail I could possibly have on you to -force- you to be my friend because there is no reality in which someone like you would ever debase themselves so as to be considered my -friend-. That's the kind of crap people have been saying about me since they were old enough to formulate sentences. I'm used to it by now, Colonel!" That seething anger has returned to the face of the Canadian and Sheppard would give up so much to erase that pain forever.

"Oh Rodney ... buddy .. you clearly aren't." And yeah, it's a little mean to point this out, but the man -really- needs to face up to some of his demons or they'll just continue to eat him alive and that can't be allowed. It just can't. This next bit, the Colonel will -forever- blame on hormones. He reaches out, grabs Rodney by the shoulder even as a hand slips back to cup the nape of his neck. He draws the shorter man into him, guides his forehead to rest on his shoulder as he practically clings to his best friend. Clutching him close in an embrace that is skirting the edge of revealing too much. But, Rodney is oblivious enough about such things that Sheppard doesn't bother to try and curb the gesture. 

"They're all morons, a fact you -used- to know." He chuckles against the side of Rodney's head, shivering when his lips ghost across his hairline at his temple. If he tilted his head, just a little tiny bit, he could place a proper kiss there. And probably ruin the best friendship he's ever had. "They can say whatever they want, because they really don't matter. You are my best friend, Rodney McKay. Not because of blackmail, necessity, force, or a lack of options." He takes a deep breath ... draws in as much air as he can in hopes of somehow steeling himself for what he's about to say. One of these days, he will stop being surprised when things take a weird turn when he wings it. This whole flying by the seat of his pants thing is really getting harder the older he gets, no matter -what- the situation. 

"You are my best friend because you are -you-. You're braver than even you give yourself credit for. You stand up to impossible odds and pull through every time. You look Wraith and Genni in the eye and -dare- them to try and out smart you and they -never can-. You introduced yourself to Ronon while you were hanging upside down and you delivered Teyla's baby in the middle of hell." This gets a bit of a sheepish chuckle from Rodney, causing them to lightly knock their heads together and it's simply beautiful. It validates the moment as being clumsy and perfect ... real. He closes his eyes tightly, digs his fingers a little deeper into the nape of Rodney's neck. "You're more loving than you give yourself credit for too, buddy. Maddy is the luckiest little girl in two galaxies because I don't think an Uncle can love a niece as much as you love that little girl. Your sister has been .. well, rude, demeaning and downright bitchy, but you've never loved her any less, even when she really doesn't deserve it." He bites at his bottom lip, struggling to keep from saying too much.

"Basically ... you're my best friend because you're fucking -awesome-, Rodney McKay, and -nothing- will ever change that. Nothing .. nothing will ever change how I feel about you either, buddy." God, that sounds too much like I LOVE YOU shouted at the top of his lungs and he kinda wants to weep because he knows. Those words go right over Rodney's head and that is probably a blessing in disguise despite the fact that it feels as if his heart has been forcefully removed from his chest. The lines of friendship have already blurred with the added complication of John's current state. He cannot afford to lose the frame of the picture of reality. Because the truth is that they are friends about to have a kid, and nothing more is waiting to blossom. He truly believes that.

"Sheppard .... John." The way Rodney sighs his name is addictive, okay? It's all breathy and soft. It sounds like a hundred different words expressing a thousand different emotions in four little letters. He really wants to slap himself for being so sentimental and flowery. Something else he would -love- to blame on the hormones, but he knows better. We are seldom the facade we present to others, but instead, a million little nuances that create the tapestry of our being. We can hide any given thing at any given moment. He is far more than the laid back, laconic flyboy Atlantis knows him as. Oddly, Rodney seems to be one of the only people to -get- that. "I don't .. I don't really know what to say." Not something Rodney is apt to admit very often. John feels a strange sense of accomplishment for having rendered Rodney McKay speechless. 

"It's okay, McKay. You don't always have to have an answer." God, he'd give just about anything to help his friend understand that. He doesn't always have to have an answer, it won't lessen him in Sheppard's eyes. At all. 

"I, uhm .. I guess I don't. But, I do have something to say, John." The Colonel shivers again, vaguely wonders if he will ever be able to get his reaction to Rodney saying his name under control. He closes his eyes tighter, tilting his head until his temple is resting ever so gently against his best friend's. "You are -not- in this alone, John Sheppard. You will -always- have me, Ronon, and Teyla. I'm pretty sure even Woolsey would lend a helping hand." This thought causes them both to chuckle, heads knocking together once again as they cling to each other. Sometime during Sheppard's confession of love played as a friendship declaration, Rodney has allowed his arms to wind around Sheppard's waist. Has pulled his best friend all the closer as they speak. "All of that said .. I .. I cannot presume to tell you anything, Sheppard. Can't .. dictate what your options are, but given the fact that you're still pregnant after all of this time, then I assume you plan on keeping it. At least .. God, I -hope- you plan on keeping it." Not ... not what Sheppard was expecting, in the least. Because Rodney's voice is full of -hope- and desire. As if .... well, as if he -wants- this child as much as Sheppard does. But the Colonel will not allow himself to hold out hope just yet. Rodney is far too complicated for him to take this all at face value right away. Any number of variables could change in the next few minutes, up to and including John saying something stupid and ruining every thing.

"Wait, are .. are you saying what I -think- you're saying, Rodney? I, uh .. I might need you to dumb this down for the ignorant flyboy, okay?" He doesn't bother to pull back enough to look at his friend, not expecting the scientist to get -angry- at the silly joke. But he does. John can feel it radiating off of him even as he tenses in the midst of their odd little embrace. And yet, Rodney doesn't end it. In fact, his hands are suddenly clamped on Sheppard's hips, gripping tightly. Holding him in place. 

"Don't. Just .. just -don't-, Sheppard!" He can hear the anger in his voice, the way it restricts his words to clipped compressions. "We've already -had- this conversation, John. You are far superior in intelligence, and even as a -joke-, you shouldn't say that." The hands tighten a little more and John finds himself responding .. strangely. He has to swallow down a moan at the feel of those hands grasping his hips so hard. It feels ... God, it feels almost as if Rodney's hands are branding him. Taking some sort of possession of him, and he finds that he'd be perfectly fine with that. 

"I'm sorry, buddy, it was a really bad joke. Just .. this is a weird situation, you know?" He tips his head a little more, knocks against Rodney in hopes of calming his friend. It works. Rodney's forehead returns to a comfortable place on his shoulder, their temples connected gently as they hold on to each other. 

"Yeah, it's weird. But .. John ... I can't even -begin- to explain it all, but ... there is -no one- I would rather have a child with, okay? I hope that's not too creepy or awkward or weird, or any of the other things I'm often accused of being. But .. it's the truth, Colonel. You are the single greatest person I've ever known. You're smart, caring, selfless .. -you- are the standard by which I judge everyone else. I probably shouldn't say that either, but it's also true. I measure people against you, because you're the best example of humanity I have ever seen. The best argument for our people -remaining- human, rather than striving to be like the Ancients. Our child is going to be a marvel, and I'm not sure either galaxy will be ready, but too damn bad." 

And .. now he's blushing. He can feel the heated flush of his cheeks and he wants to blame Rodney, because that little speech pretty much sucker punched him right in the feels and surprisingly .. it's an experience he wouldn't mind repeating. When he feels Rodney begin to pull away, he nearly panics. 

"Not yet!" He yelps, fingers digging into Rodney's neck, struggling to keep him there.

"What? Sheppard, what's wrong?!" He groans at the note of panic in his friend's voice and he quickly turns his head, moves so that it is now -his- forehead on Rodney's shoulder.

"It.. I .. it's nothing -wrong-, just .. oh man. I'll probably die of embarrassment because I'm -blushing-, Rodney! You made me -blush-!" For some reason, he expects his friend to get how truly mortifying this is. Which is why he so foolishly lets up on the pressure keeping Rodney pressed against him. Rodney immediately pulls away, frees one hand from Sheppard's hip so that he can .. oh holy hell .. so that he can -cup Sheppard's cheek- and raise his face. He feels himself flushing even deeper and he half wants to hide. And half wants to nuzzle the hand pressed against his cheek. Could -that- be blamed on hormones? He doesn't want to take the risk.

He does, however, melt a little inside when he sees the soft, amused expression on Rodney's face. How anyone can look at this extraordinary man and -not- see something special, worth loving, he will never understand. Some people truly are just morons.

"There's nothing wrong with blushing, Sheppard. It looks good on you." Oh. Good. GOD! His heart is -not- built to handle things like this, okay?? Rodney looking at him almost **_tenderly_** is the kind of thing that just doesn't happen. He has to be reading it wrong. As he contemplates this, he tilts his head. Presses his cheek ever so gently into Rodney's palm and feels how warm, weighted, and -real- it is. This isn't a dream. Not some nightmare showing him everything he wants only to turn around and take it all away again. And yet .. that doesn't mean he actually -gets- what he wants, either.

"Ahh, Sheppard. There you are. I'm guessing by the rather flustered state of my staff, and the shouting heard in the halls, that Rodney has been made aware of your condition. As has half of Atlantis." Sheppard wants to snarl. Wants to bare his teeth and rip into Doc Davis. His sudden appearance prompts Rodney to pull back. To break the embrace and it leaves Sheppard feeling untethered. Alone. Cold. Aching to know how far this may have gone, had the man not stepped in.

"Yes, Dr. Davis, I am aware of Sheppard's condition. I assume he is here for a check up?" Rodney glances between both men, watches as they nod in near unison. "Good. Lets get to it then." Sheppard smiles. Or maybe he's grinning. Either way, he can't contain his happiness because no matter what else is going on, Rodney is -happy- that they are going to have a child. Together. It may not be all that Sheppard wants, but it's definitely more than he thought he'd get. 

"Alright, kiddos. This way." Dr. Davis turns and walks toward the bed in the alcove, waiting for Sheppard to climb up, onto it. "Alright. We'll start with the usual for now." The doctor powers through the usual tests and procedures, grinning from time to time. He is saving the best for last, of course. 

"Everything is looking good so far, Sheppard. There's a little stress, but that's to be expected with everything that a pregnancy entails. Now, for the best part. Dr. McKay. Have a seat." Davis lightly pats a stool he has settled next to the scanner, so that Rodney is close to John. "Now usually, we would use a sonogram for this part, but John .. well, he doesn't really react very well to that. Every time we've attempted to use the sonogram .. John immediately became anxious and over protective. He has had a few panic attacks and came close to throwing a rather impressive right hook when I got too close." John groans loudly, hands flying up to press his palms against his cheeks. If he never has to hear about this again, it will be too soon. And yet, he's pretty sure Davis will even tell the kid this story once it's old enough.

"I'm so sorry, John. I should've been there for that." Again, not at all what the Colonel was expecting. He reaches out blindly, claps his hand on Rodney's shoulder and gives it a gentle squeeze.

"Forget about it, McKay." There's little use dwelling on the past, is there? He slides the hand back down, positions his arms at his sides so that he's belly up to the scanner. He has yet to really process the full extent of what's happening in his body. After all, there's knowing, and then there's seeing.

"Right, then. Let me just adjust this .. and then hook this into the monitor ... and I gotta say, Rodney .. the work you and your minions have done to integrate Atlantis' technology with our own is just amazing." Rodney spares the doctor a smile, but otherwise doesn't comment. More than likely, John assumes, his nerves aren't allowing him to process too much at the moment. He really does know the feeling. He forces himself to open his eyes, to try and -see- what is going to happen. He's been through these scans multiple times now, but he feels a little scared, unnerved, and really excited about it this time.

"And .. here we go." It takes him far too long to understand the soft, subtle sound he's hearing. In fact, he doesn't fully understand until he hears Rodney gasp.

"My god, that's .. that's it's -heartbeat-." The scientist sounds utterly in awe, and more than a little overwhelmingly in love and John can understand -that-, too. He's been in love with this child since he knew it existed and -nothing- will ever change that. He's glad, ecstatic in fact, to know that Rodney seems to feel the same way. 

He is not, however, expecting the hand that suddenly lands on his clothed stomach. The gentle press of a wide, warm palm that causes him to shiver. 

"That's our tot, John." Never would he have pegged Rodney as the type to use a word like tot, and it leaves him feeling dizzy and giddy with warm, fuzzy feelings. Of course, the hand that is gently massaging his stomach might have a little to do with it, too.

"Yup. That's your progeny, Dr. McKay. And ... here is a visual." Davis walks over to them, holding a photo. Rodney takes it with a shaking hand, moving so that his hip is propped close to Shepard's shoulder as he holds the photo down so that they can both see it. 

"Oh ... wow." Rodney whispers, voice hoarse with emotions as he looks. Sheppard sucks in a deep breath, his eyes wide and unblinking.

"Cool." His signature phrase when something is too much for words but so very good, pops out before he can really try and think of something better to say. "Just so very cool." He sighs, his hand lifting so that his finger tip can gently trace the image of their developing child. Rodney's other hand has returned to his stomach, the touch feather soft and shocking in the best and worst ways.

"Yes. Exactly. So very cool. Our little tot, John." The Colonel's eyes snap away from the photo, watching his best friend study it, instead. He keeps saying -ours- and that word is destroying the already blurred lines of their weird friendship. Because his hormone adled brain is -insisting- this means that there's a chance! That they could be parents to this child and from there, any number of things could spring. He forces himself to shy away from that consideration. The last thing he needs right now is further complication. 

"Yeah. Yeah it is, buddy." He tries to smile, but it feels too shocked and weary. He forces himself to look up again. To watch the naked adoration on Rodney's open features. It is not unusual for the scientist to give his every mood away. He wears his expressions open and honest, cannot hold back an opinion to save his life most times. While that can be troublesome when dealing with someone like the insane Kolya, it makes interacting with the man a little easier.

"The embryo is developing well. No anomalies that I can detect yet. How are the supplements helping the morning sickness and your appetite?" At the mention of those, Rodney's hand tightens on his stomach, and a glance in his friend's direction shows him that the scientist is putting it all together in his mind. Of course he is. It will never cease to amaze him the way the man's mind works.

"They've been helping a lot. I'm still sick on occasion, but nowhere near as bad as before. The smell of a lot of my favorites still make me feel sick to my stomach, but I'm able to eat more than I originally could. Thanks for that, Doc." Davis smiles and nods, adding a few notations to John's chart before he puts it down.

"Good. I need to ask your permission for something, John. If the IOA asks for your records .. can I give it to them? Either way, they will find a way to get their hands on them, once they hear about this." Both he and Rodney wince at that. The scientist migrates his hand from his stomach to his shoulder and squeezes gently.

"Sheppard has rights. The IOA cannot demand his medical files, no matter what they might say." Rodney's voice has dropped into an acidic, icy octave and he sorta wants to grin. Because he knows his friend would stand up for him. Would demand that he be treated right after everything he has done for Atlantis. (And generally just because they are best friends.) "That being said, we should be prepared for when they call us before them. Because they will." Sheppard shivers minutely, still blown away by the we and ours being bandied about so casually. 

"We, us, Rodney? I'm the only one they will probably have an issue with. I --" The hand is back to his stomach, fingers caressing feather soft, leaving every nerve ending feeling as if it's on fire.

"No, John. -We-. I stand by what I said, Colonel. Even if this wasn't my child too, I would be here for you. All of your friends would, you -know- that." John relaxes a little where he's laying. His hand seems to act independently of himself, the traitorous thing moving to lay over Rodney's. To push the palm closer to his developing belly as his eyes drift closed.

"Alright, buddy. In this together." It takes far more than he thought it would to agree to that, despite it being what he wants. Or maybe it's -because- he wants it? He isn't sure.

"Is that everything, Dev?" Sheppard blinks in surprise at the word Dev, confused for a moment. Dr. Davis looks surprised for all of three seconds before he openly beams at the scientist.

"Yeah, that's everything, Rodney. You two can go ahead and get going, talk things over. I'll have your next round of meds delivered to your room, Colonel." Davis turns then and walks off, file in hand. Rodney reaches out to help Sheppard sit up.

"Dev?" At the question, Rodney looks confused, but then nods slowly.

"Yes. Dev. Short for Devon." Huh. For once, Rodney knows someones first name and he doesn't! There's a first for everything, right? He carefully slides down from the scanner, smiling vaguely at his best friend.

"Come on, Rodney. Lets get this talk over with. Hopefully with copious amounts of pudding." Rodney chuckles at that, shaking his head.

"And just how are you going to justify your pudding addiction once you're capable of eating real food again?" Sheppard snorts with laughter. 

"I'm not even gonna bother. Just gonna keep eating it whenever I want to." It's Rodney's turn to snort, shaking his head in amusement.

"Of course you are, Sheppard. Come on." The two exit the infirmary together.

* * *

Half an hour later, they are in John's room. Rodney still finds it odd being in here, despite the fact that they are friends and have spent copious amounts of time in each others spaces. (Especially since they seem to enter John's room more than his own. Not something he has ever really thought to question before.) Still, Rodney has always viewed John's rooms as something almost .. mythical? No, that's not the right word, though sacred might be. And that is a scary thought. He tries so hard not to consider anything sacred.

"Thank you for going to the Mess for us, buddy. Just .. too many people in there right now, and given how fast gossip travels on Atlantis .. even with how many people have left .. I don't think I could've stood the staring." John's words are sheepish but tired, and Rodney chooses to keep his mouth shut. Manages to make a conscious decision not to tell John that he had fielded several questions about the truth of the rumors. He had even come close to punching a marine for being a bit too intrusive. Sure, he's about 87% sure the assbutt would've beaten him into a bloody pulp, but he would've been damn satisfied to get that punch in. However, he knew that Sheppard was waiting for him, so he had simply scolded the moron and finished his business.

"No need to thank me, Colonel. I didn't mind." And they both know that it has nothing to do with Sheppard's current situation. Even when the man wasn't pregnant, Rodney was quicker to do something for him than just about anyone else. (Another one of the sore points between him and Keller. She had been far too upset that Rodney would do things for Sheppard that he wouldn't do for her.) "I picked up several different things for you." Rodney walks to the bed, where his friend is perched on the side, and settles the little tray next to him. "I got you two bacon sandwiches, some carrot sticks, and I got strawberry banana and pistachio puddings." Rodney fights down a blush when Sheppard practically beams at him. Every time Sheppard gives him that look, no matter what the situation, he feels warm and giddy. However, when Sheppard reaches straight for the pudding, he actually rolls his eyes and grabs the bowls away. "Real food first, John. You're worse than Maddy, sometimes." Sheppard pouts, but grabs one of the sandwiches instead.

"I am nowhere near as bad as that, Rodney. I don't act like a kid." When Rodney quirks his brow, Sheppard seems to reconsider his position. "Much." A little better. After a moment, he puts the bowls back on the tray and turns to settle in the desk chair. Despite the fact that he really wants to perch on the bed, too. And not just because he kinda wants to be close to Sheppard's belly. He always wants to be close to his friend. When he glances up, for a moment, he's sure that Sheppard looks disappointed, but in the next second, the man is busy eating.

"No, not at all, flyboy." He injects as much teasing exasperation into the words as he can. He shifts uncomfortably in the chair, biting the inside of his cheek as he contemplates how to broach the subject of what needs to be said. "Sheppard .." He feels as if he cannot breathe. This .. is a conversation he hadn't even been willing to have with Keller when she was his -girlfriend-, but now, he is having to talk to his best friend about it.

"Rodney. Please." The unusual plea causes his head to snap up, concerned gaze landing on the sad features of the other man. "I thought we were way past the whole Sheppard-McKay bit? In fact, I've mostly been calling you Rodney since the beginning. It took you -years- to call me John. Could you please .. I mean, if it makes you uncomfortable in front of others, Sheppard is fine. But not Colonel, unless it has to be official. When it's just us, though, please call me John." He's not used to Sheppard saying please this much.

"John ..." He murmurs the word and watches with silent fascination as John seems to shiver and go a little distant-eyed at the usage of his first name. Despite that the Colonel -just- asked him to say it, he seems effected by the use of it. Huh. How odd.

"Thanks, buddy." Rodney actually laughs at the word buddy, his nose wrinkling with amusement, though he keeps his thoughts to himself for now. Instead, he leans back in the chair.

"This is ... not going to be an easy conversation, I'm sure. So, I'm just going to be blunt. The IOA will probably have a few things to say about all of this, but whatever they say, we're in this together, John. No matter what." The Colonel smiles around a mouthful of sandwich, nodding his understanding as he eats. "Now, this next bit .. isn't something I suggest lightly." He bites at the inside of his cheek, winces when the faint tang of blood hits his tongue. "I think we should find a suite of rooms together. So that I can help as you get further along, and once the tot is born, we'll both be there." He feels odd offering this when he couldn't even have this conversation with Jennifer without causing a nuclear fight between them. Offering to room with John .. it just feels right in comparison to the thought of moving in with her. 

He knows that this isn't natural, okay? He knows that a man his age shouldn't be trying to ... to ... hold on to some vestige of youth by choosing his buddy over his girlfriend. That he should be thinking long term relationship goals and all of that rot, but he just can't, okay? His one long term life goal is Atlantis .. and Sheppard IS Atlantis. There is no future without some consideration of his best friend, there never could be. Keller simply couldn't understand that. 

"That's a good idea, Rodney." He had honestly expected more of a fight from his friend. Or maybe just some kind of ... teasing? Some jab about how he wasn't sure he could survive Rodney around -that- much. So, his complete agreement throws the scientist for a bit of a loop. It also causes a warmth to settle deep in his gut, which is unnerving.

"Good. Good. Of course it is. It's my idea." He forces himself to return to script, which means that he touts his genius as he usually would. After a moment, he clears his throat, leans further back in the chair so that he can stare at the ceiling. "Radek and I recently found a few open spots that have larger rooms. We can start looking there." He snaps his jaw shut, for once well aware that he is on the edge of a rambling jag, and also aware that it won't really help anything right now.

"Still looking for a nice set with a balcony?" It's a throwback to such an -old- conversation that it surprises a bark of laughter from the scientist. He finally sits up straight and levels his gaze on his best friend again. 

"Actually, yes, though we'll have to baby proof it." At John's confused look, Rodney smiles faintly. The few times when Sheppard is truly confused, he looks so damn ruffled and adorable. "John, you have the highest expression of the ATA Gene we've ever seen, and even if I had to use gene therapy to manipulate the activation of mine, it ups the chances even further that our child will have a high expression of ATA, too. Which means that I will have to re-work the security on whatever rooms we choose, to ensure the tot doesn't accidentally activate anything." He somewhat regrets his words when John's hands fly to his stomach in a protective, cupping gesture. "It's alright, John. We will have plenty of time to prepare, I assure you." Some part of him wants to reach out, wants to try and sooth and comfort his friend, but he honestly doesn't know -how-. He's never been good at that sort of thing, even worse when dealing with someone who doesn't know -how- to be comforted.

"I .. I never thought of that ..." The worried expression slowly melts away to a look of mischievous pride. "Oh man, this kid is going to -own- Atlantis, Rodney! I mean, like -own- it! There won't be a citizen that won't fawn over it, or a piece of tech that won't light up for it." He watches with a sense of almost overwhelming awe and fondness as Sheppard reaches down to gently caress at his clothed stomach. He wraps one arm around it, while his other hand splays across the growing expanse. Rodney wants to be able to do the same thing! 

God, he is seized by an overwhelming need and desire to walk over, push Sheppard onto his back, ruck up his shirt, and rub his cheek all over his forming belly. He's at least 72% sure that would result in his best friend hitting him in a hormone driven fit, so he refrains. Barely.

"Atlantis? Puh-lease." He snorts softly, suddenly shoving his hands under the edges of his thighs as he continues to struggle with the desire to reach out and touch. "With your ATA, my brilliance, and hopefully, your overwhelming charm, that kid is going to have every citizen of Atlantis falling at it's feet. From there, it will own -Pegasus-." And damn if that thought doesn't fill him with so much paternal pride! The thought of being a father was never something he had desired, never something he had considered in any way more than the faintest, fleeting hint of some half obscured duty he had no intention of fulfilling. And now? God, now, he wants to confiscate the Atlantis Com System and SHOUT IT FROM THE DEPTHS OF HIS SOUL! He's gonna be a Dad!!!!

"Once it is old enough to interact with Maddy, I'm pretty sure the Sheppard-McKay dynasty will span two entire galaxies. Even if she is technically a Miller." He adds the second in as an after thought, grinning an impish grin. He is so deep in his whimsical fancies of his child and his niece being the best of friends, that he almost misses Sheppard's look.

His mouth, shiny and full, has fallen open in slack-jawed amazement. His usually controlled features are an open well spring of emotions ranging from awe to surprise to sheer WANT, though Rodney cannot understand what exactly it is that the Colonel seems to want. His cheeks are high with the warm, apple blossom flush of a blush, and his eyes are so soft that Rodney almost fears he will drown in them. Who knew that eyes could try so hard to rob him of coherent thought!?

"Oh. Wow .. is it wrong that I hope we're having a baby girl?" John's voice has gentled into the kind of semi-drugged softness of happiness and it causes Rodney's heart to lurch. This is -not- the type of voice he is used to hearing John use .. and he's about 98.09% sure he would give up his future Nobel Prize to be given the right and the means to make John sound like that all the damn time. "Because just -picture- it, buddy. We would have two perfect, beautiful little Princess' to spoil! Baby Girl on Atlantis, and Maddy-Girl every time we went to Earth." 

And yeah ... yeah, that is -totally- a thing that Rodney can get behind! His eyes slip to half mast, his gaze going distant as he is sucker punched with a domestic vision that leaves him aching. His family, settled around the dining room table at Jeannie's. Maddy-girl settled on his lap, surrounded in a sea of half opened presents. A beautiful, Atlantean tiara on her head. John, sitting close enough that they are pressed against each others side, their baby girl clutched in the Colonel's arms. Instead of a tiara, fairy princess wings that gleam like the spires of Atlantis nestled against her sides. 

It hurts so much he forgets to breathe for a moment.

"Rodney? You okay there, buddy?" Sheppard's voice spills over, cross sections the pain and ache in his heart and allows him to momentarily push past it. After all, this moment is -not- about him. It's about John and the tot.

"Yes. I'm fine. Just .. I'm fine Sh -- John." He catches himself before he utters the name he is so familiar with, managing to switch to the name he enjoys so much. It just forms so well, tastes so right on his tongue. So much so, that he finds himself sketching his tongue against his inner cheek. Rolling and flexing the muscle as he imagines all the different ways he could form that single name.

"... thank you." Rodney jumps in surprise at the sincerity in the voice of the other man. It takes him a moment to understand what he's being thanked for, and once he does, he raises his left shoulder in a vague shrug before he juts his chin out in the direction of the tray.

"Eat, John." He smiles vaguely when the Colonel smiles sheepishly and returns to his food. Meanwhile, Rodney forces himself to push his fantasies to the side. As much as he wants all of that domesticity, he doesn't have the right to force Sheppard into all of that. He knows that he will probably be little more than .. well, the equivalent of an Uncle or Step-dad to the tot, and he cannot be upset about that. It's closer than he ever thought he would come to having children, after all. And he meant every word of what he said. He will be here for John and their child in every way he can.

He has a single moment to praise whatever deity may or may not exist that they are grounded from gate activity while on Earth. The thought of John going through the gate breaks him out in a mild sweat and sends his insides hurtling into utter chaos.

"I, uhm .. I want to tell Teyla and Ronon as soon as we can. It's not something they need to hear about through the gossip mill." That is definitely something he can agree with. They are their family, their team. They deserve to know it from the source rather than the blithering idiots that will make it their business when it really, -really- isn't.

"Are you almost through?" He nods toward the tray, watching Sheppard blink in surprise and then nod back. Rodney reaches up to tap his earwig. "Ronon? Teyla? Could you please come to Sheppard's quarters as soon as you get a moment?"

"Of course, Rodney. On my way." Teyla's serene chords make the scientist feel a little on edge, though he's not entirely sure why. Her zen usually calms him a little.

"Sure." Ronon's single word answer is comforting. He leans back in the chair, his eyes slipping closed.

"Thank you, Rodney. For .. well, all of this." Sheppard sounds so earnest and thankful that it causes the scientist to shift uncomfortably in the seat. "I'm glad .. -really- glad, that you want to keep the .. tot. I was afraid you might not want anything to do with us." Those words ... the meaning behind them, cut deep. Puncture his awkwardly beating heart and leave behind a gaping wound. He knows that everyone kids that he isn't good with children, despite the fact that they seem to like him. Anyone who has -ever- seen him interact with Maddy knows better than to suggest he is anything but perfect with his niece. So, it hurts that Sheppard could possibly think that Rodney would apparently not only wash his hands of their coming child, but of their deep-seated friendship as well. He huffs a cold, silent breath, shivers at the faint tickle of his bangs across his high forehead. 

"I --" He is saved from saying something that would probably invoke a hormonal, emotional state from his pregnant best friend, by the chiming of John's door.

"Come in!" John calls, lifting his free hand to wave almost frantically at Rodney. It takes the scientist a moment to realize that he wants him to vacate the seat, which makes sense. It will free up the chair for Teyla, preventing her or Ronon from taking the bed. He leaps up and crosses the room quickly, collapsing next to John's tray. The Colonel immediately looks radiant with gratitude, before he shovels a large spoon of pudding into his mouth and groans in pleasure. Something twitches deep inside of Rodney and he has to fight the instinct to throw himself off the bed and back into the seat he has just vacated.

"John." Teyla's voice is warm and calm, though they have known her long enough to hear the note of concern in it. As predicted, she crosses to the chair and settles in it. Ronon moves to the desk next to her, cocking his hip against it with his arms crossed in front of himself. If Rodney were to concentrate real hard, he could -almost- pretend they were just hanging out. A normal day back in Pegasus. But no. There is nothing normal about what's happening here. Least of all the fact that they are so very far from Pegasus.

"What's going on?" Ronon glances between the two men on the bed and the look makes Rodney feel .. uncomfortable. As if Ronon has read something that is not there, could not possibly be there. He turns his head to regard Sheppard, and is surprised to see the Colonel holding a spoon of pudding out to him. Again. Last time, he had declined, and he had every intention of doing so again. However, he remembers the look of disappointment his friend had sported last time. So, he leans forward, taking the taste of strawberry banana pudding and hmmming softly in delight. 

"Hmm, tastes pretty good. Remind me to make you some homemade stuff soon." Sheppard actually lights up at the prospect, the end of his spoon sticking from his mouth even as he nods enthusiastically. When Ronon pointedly clears his throat, Sheppard curls closer to Rodney. Turns those soft, pleading eyes on him, and the scientist sighs. But nods his agreement. Though he'd never elect himself to handle a delicate situation involving people, he is prepared to do anything Sheppard needs him to do. So, he carefully rests his shoulder against Sheppard's, regarding his friends quietly for a moment.

"So, we called you here for a reason. I don't think Sheppard really wanted anyone to know yet, but I'm pretty damn sure most of Atlantis will know by now, and this is really something you should've heard from us first." He is rambling. One of his worst bad habits, but one he will probably never be able to curb. The sudden feel of Sheppard's hand on his shoulder soothes his nerves. Allows him to relax a little bit more. After all, this is their team, their family. He smiles faintly at his friend, before he turns toward Ronon and Teyla. Both of which are sporting amused, curious looks. Right, then. "We discovered what that machine that we encountered a few months back did. Apparently .. Sheppard is now pregnant with our child." He hadn't meant to blurt it out quite that bluntly. 

"Yes, we know. Though, we had hoped you would tell us sooner." Teyla sighs, and Rodney and Sheppard both make half choked sounds.

"What do you mean, you -knew-!?" Sheppard sounds angry and personally offended, and honestly, Rodney can't blame him in the least. With everything that has been happening, with how overwhelmed the Colonel had seemed, neither of them had thought to stop and -explain- what was happening!?! 

"Told you. Like the Carriers on Sateda." Despite how often Ronon has annoyed him, he has never really wanted to physically assault the larger man. Until now. He really just wants to break his jaw or something.

"You see, that's not exactly true, is it, Chewie?" Sheppard's voice has become sharp edged. Slipped into the dangerous 'Colonel' voice the team usually only hear in the most dire of circumstances. "You didn't actually tell us a damn thing! You said something about a Carrier, then walked off and never mentioned it again. So no, you -didn't- tell either of us." Rodney winces, but says nothing. He cannot begrudge the Colonel his anger, because he feels the same. Ronon had withheld information from them, if he meant to or not. At any other moment, Rodney wouldn't begrudge the behemoth his laconic nature, but in something this serious!? He is hard pressed not to try and deal the man physical damage. In fact, the only thing keeping him from doing so, is the knowledge that it would hurt him far more than the other man.

"John, surely Ronon can be forgiven? How was he to know that you did not understand what a Carrier is?" Teyla tries to be the voice of reason, of course she does. That seems to be her job in this odd little team/family. However, it's Rodney's turn to be pissed. To refuse to let this slide.

"That's just it, Teyla. You both know that we have almost -nothing- that Pegasus has. Hence the fact that everything about your galaxy took us by surprise. Ronon knows damn well that we usually have no clue what he's talking about when he mentions things from Sateda. Same with you and Athos. Only difference being that you usually -ask- if we are familiar or not. He just said something then walked off and never brought it up again. Fat lot of help that was." He knows that he's basically a few seconds from frothing at the mouth in his anger, but he cannot find something to quash the feeling. When he registers a hand on his shoulder, his anger vanishes instantly. He leans back, into the touch, curious at the fact that Sheppard can calm him so instantly, but trying not to concentrate on it.

"... I'm sorry, Rodney. John." Both men jerk in surprise at the unusual apology from Ronon. The two exchange curious glances before they nod in the direction of their teammates.

"It's, uh .. it's okay, Chewie. Just .. this is a lot for us to take in. Here on Earth, a man has never been pregnant before, not that we know of. Neither of us really knew this was possible, let alone aware that it could happen to us." Boy, is that one hell of an -understatement-! Despite everything that Rodney knows has happened to SG-1, despite everything that he has seen since finding Atlantis, this entire situation still took him by surprise. Huh. That actually upsets him more than he would've thought possible. It is, after all, his job to try and be prepared for every way in which things can go wrong, but he had never once stopped to consider this a possibility. 

"You keeping it?" Ronon's tone suggests the same level of 'could care less' that all of his speech entails, but the scientist knows better. He has known the man for several years now, considers him a friend, even family. So he can hear the concern buried deep in his words. He knows that if they answer 'wrong,' any number of things could happen. 

"Damn right we're keeping it!" Rodney speaks before Sheppard can, his words vehement and earnest. He can feel heat climbing up his throat and settling in his cheeks when he realizes that he answered for them both. When he shoots an apologetic smile at Sheppard, he is taken aback to see a look of raw happiness on the Colonels face. And he nearly shivers when the hand moves from his shoulder to the small of his back. It is warm, heavy, and dangerous. It causes a sense of confusion he cannot afford at the moment.

"Rodney's right, Ronon. We're going to do everything in our power to keep it. If anyone tries to do anything .. well, I have a feeling that, between the two of us, we'll make damn sure that doesn't happen."

"Four of us, Sheppard." Ronon points that out matter-of-factly, and Rodney is pretty sure that he would have gotten up and hugged the behemoth if such a movement wouldn't have taken John's hand from his back. 

"Ronon is correct, John. The four of us will ensure the safety of your child. After all, will we not be .. aunt and uncle?" Those words impact Rodney deeper than he expected, even if the offer had been made to John and not him. He feels Sheppard leaning into his side, the movement sudden and almost desperate. He turns toward his friend, nearly gasping when he sees the fact that Sheppard's shoulders are trembling. It takes only a moment for him to wrap his arms around his best friend and draw him against his chest. Because John Sheppard, Mr. Stoic Himself, is crying. 

"Th-thanks, guys." The Colonel manages the watery, quaking words even as he leans into Rodney's embrace, settling against the man as if he plans to stay there for some time. Oddly, Rodney finds that, despite how awkward he always is when someone hugs him, or seeks comfort ... he's actually rather pleased that Sheppard wishes to stay in his arms.

"Of course, John." Teyla smiles serenely, nonplussed by the affection happening between the two men. Ronon, likewise, is grinning in that knowing way of his.

"If you need anything, ask. Both of you." Ronon's words end in the word brother, even if he doesn't speak it, and Rodney is filled with simple, deep affection for the large man. Since their first meeting, when he was hanging upside down and Ronon bared his teeth like fangs, he has felt oddly comfortable with the man. They didn't hang out, didn't talk all that much, but neither did either of them doubt the friendship and sense of family between them.

"Will do, Ronon." Rodney flashes a tired smile, sighing softly when he glances down and sees that Sheppard only managed to finish about half of the tray. "Sheppard .. think you can eat a little more?" He doesn't want to push or dictate, doesn't want to cause his friend any discomfort, but he can't help worrying. Again, even if John -wasn't- pregnant, he'd be worried about his best friend. 

"Uhm .. not really, no. Feeling a little queasy, buddy." Rodney bites the inside of his cheek momentarily, before he resigns himself to letting it go. This time. 

"Alright." He is seized by the desire to do something foolish. Like lean over and press a kiss to his friend's forehead, or run a hand down John's back in hopes of soothing and thanking him all at once. "Thanks for trying." He feels the unmistakable pressure of John squeezing him, before settling more fully against him. Both actions fill him with warmth and contentment.

"Ronon and I will leave you to rest, John. I know how tiring the simplest of things can be." Of course she does. She has faced pregnancy once before, after all. "And please promise me .. that if, at any moment, you need to speak on it, you will come to me. Both of you." 

"Of course." They echo each other perfectly, and Rodney quickly looks away when he feels himself blushing, because he doesn't understand -why- he has done so.

"Here. Lemme." Ronon's shadow suddenly falls over them, and on instinct, Rodney tightens his grip on Sheppard even as Ronon grabs the half-empty tray from the bed.

"Thanks, Chewie." Sheppard yawns between the two words, and Rodney fights down a sudden wave of .. panic? ... discomfort? .. mild fear? .. he's really not sure what it is, but it is negative and he doesn't like it. Whatever it is, it is in response to the thought that he will have to leave. After all, Sheppard definitely needs his sleep.

"We will see you soon." Teyla appears by the bed. She leans forward to press her forehead to John's, and then surprises Rodney by doing the same to him. He smiles tiredly at her, before watching both of them leave the room. It should feel awkward, the fact that he is left alone with his best friend, who is pregnant with his child, and currently curled against him. But it isn't. Not in the least. In fact, he realizes that he could very easily remain right here, tucked up, just like this, for so very, -very- long.

But that would not be appropriate, would it? Besides, his presence is bound to get on John's nerves sooner or later, it usually does. (Not true, but he thinks to be so. After all, John always complains after a certain amount of time passes, though he doesn't realize that it is just his friend teasing him.) So, reluctantly, he begins to carefully separate himself from his friend. He starts to lean over enough to straighten Sheppard, and then begins to pull his arms from around him.

"Roooddnneeyyy.. " Sheppard sighs his name in that all too familiar drawl of his, and for some unexplained reason, Rodney's stomach drops out a little bit. "Where ya goin? I was comfortable." 

"Well, you are also tired, John. I assumed you wanted to sleep."

"Rodney .. I was -comfortable-." John's words have now become a whine, and Rodney snorts gently even as he begins to scoot to the very edge of the bed. "I .. will you ..." He understands the struggle, of course he does. They both tend to struggle to speak about feelings and such things. Anything with substance or meaning, is far too easy to screw up, thus far too hard to talk about. And yet, that being said, it is actually easier to talk to John than anyone else. Including Radek. 

"John .." He sighs the name and yet, finds that he can go no further. He has never really sought out another for comfort, especially not in a laying together, way. He has never been the type to hold and cuddle, preferring to sleep stretched out and unburdened. Not something that any girlfriend had ever been particularly okay with. "Yeah .. yeah, I, uh .. I will." He slips from the edge of the bed, watching John from beneath the veil of his lashes. He is surprised to see the flash of wide-eyed surprise and happiness cross the other man's features.

In this instant, it is far too easy to see why so many people throw themselves at Sheppard. When he is lit up from the inside out, practically glowing with happiness, he is the most beautiful thing Rodney has ever seen. And that includes Samantha Carter, his ideal for over a decade.

"Thanks, buddy." Sheppard's jaws crack with a wide yawn between the words, and Rodney finds himself struggling not to be -charmed- by it.

"No reason to thank me, John." He flashes a bit of a smile, hesitates for a moment, struggling to try and -think-. What should he do? Oddly, he is not considering himself or his own needs, but instead, trying to think about what Sheppard needs. He moves forward hastily, managing to claim his knees beside the bed without bitching nine ways to Sunday about the hardness of the floor or the damage to himself. Instead, he reaches for John's combat boots. He removes them quickly, with surprising gentleness and typical efficiency. He tucks the boots under the edge of the bed, glancing up once the task is through to see Sheppard's wide, surprised eyes. It is only once he sees that expression that he realizes he has done something .. weird. Well, weird for him. He flashes a sheepish smile and shrugs one shoulder, because he has no explanation for any of this. He is simply winging it and following some instinct he assumed he never possessed.

He stands and turns, walking toward Sheppard's drawers. He locates a pair of sleep pants and John's panda shirt, smiling with some vague sense of fondness at the thing, before he turns and holds them out to his friend.

"No reason for you to sleep in something uncomfortable, John." 

"... yeah, of course." John seems torn for a moment, but Rodney cannot even -begin- to try and understand -why-. They have entered a realm for which he has no understanding or any real experience. But, John takes the clothes and walks to the bathroom, leaving Rodney feeling vaguely vulnerable at being in this place for this reason. After a moment of hesitation, he kicks his own shoes off and climbs up, onto the bed. He feels awkward and unsure, still confused as to why Sheppard wanted him to stay, but also not about to deny the Colonel anything. 

So, he takes a deep breath and grabs the pillow, sliding it against the headboard to prop his back. He stretches tiredly, eyes fluttering closed for a few moments.

"Comfy?" John's voice is tired and on the verge of yet another yawn, Rodney's eyes snapping open at the question. Sheppard looks utterly adorable, standing at the side of the bed in the same outfit he had worn during their time on the pier in Rodney's Second Childhood, minus the plaid. His hair is disheveled, probably from changing, and he is the closest to unsure Rodney has seen him in quite some time. In fact, the scientist almost expects Sheppard to start scuffing his foot across the ground or something equally as adorable and uncharacteristic. He's pretty sure the sight of such an action would make him do something completely unforgivable, like hug the Colonel. 

"Mhmm." He gives a tired, but sweet smile to his friend, contemplating shoving his hands under his arse to further ensure that he doesn't reach out for the other man. However, no sooner has he thought of doing so, than the bed dips as Sheppard literally scrambles up, onto it. Who knew such a big, imposing man could move and act like such an adorable, innocent being?? The moment Sheppard nears, Rodney finds his arms opening of their own accord. Sheppard makes this odd sort of .. chirping? ... sound of happiness before he stretches out on his side next to the scientist. For once, Rodney finds that he doesn't overthink this. He isn't trying to catalog every possible scenario so that he is fully prepared when all of this goes wrong. He wraps his arms around Sheppard, light and loose, while still making sure his best friend knows that he's here for him. Tucks the Colonel gently into his side and nearly stops breathing when Sheppard lays his cheek against his chest. Right above the rapid beat of his galloping heart. 

"Me, too." Sheppard slurs the words with the kind of tired voice that sounds two seconds from being drunk and Rodney cannot begin to believe that the Colonel is allowing himself to be this vulnerable with him. He would not go so far as to state that he has sat around and daydreamed about this level of acceptance from his best friend, but he has thought upon it a time or two. It is just as satisfying and awesome as he knew it would be. 

"Sweet dreams, John." He whispers the words as softly as he is able, because he feels the fact that Sheppard has become a solid, sleeping mass against him. It occurs to him that he should be a little terrified that this feels natural, comfortable, and -right-, but he isn't. For once, he's just -happy-.

* * *

What should've been a fairly simple operation, scout the newly cleared rooms to find a suite big enough for the two of them, and their coming child, has proven anything but. For starters, it was nearly three days before they were able to begin looking. Even then, though, they found themselves hindered.

It seems that every twenty minutes or so, John found himself seized by malady. Most of it isn't too bad, a dizzy spell here, a rumbling stomach there. But when he had to stop for nearly thirty minutes to carefully eat through three different powerbars to keep from throwing up, he knew that he had made an error. He should've let Rodney search. He trusts his friend to find a good place for them and the tot, so there was no reason for him to risk coming here.

"You alright, Sheppard?" Ronon's voice breaks into the thoughts of the Colonel. John nearly drops the half eaten powerbar he's clutching, internally cursing for being taken so unawares.

"Yeah, I'm alright, Big Guy. Just needed to eat something." He grimaces even as he nods toward the wrapper in his hand, and Ronon plops easily next to him on the ground outside of one of the rooms they've been looking at. 

"Makes sense. The Carriers were always snacking through the day. They were given special stores and everything. Here." He reaches into one of his pockets and pulls out a ziploc bag. He hands it over to Sheppard with a grin. "These are the closest to the fruits from Sateda that the Carriers ate, that I could get on earth. I asked Doc Davis about it, and he said they were good for your condition." He grunts in the direction of the bag, and Sheppard takes it. He lays the half eaten powerbar on his thigh and yanks the bag open. He immediately groans in happiness at the sweet, fruity smells. At a glance, he sees several large bing cherries, pear slices, apricot chunks, and mango slices. He can feel his mouth literally start to water, and that's not a sensation he has often felt. "Davis said these all help in real ways for the tot, too. Enjoy."

In lieu of answering, he reaches into the bag and pulls out a stemless cherry. It smells sweet and slightly tart and he groans even as he pops it into his mouth and chews slowly. The taste is so fresh and wonderful, that he grabs a random handful of the fruit and shovels it in, blissed out for the moment.

"That's a good look on you, Sheppard." Ronon's words snap him out of his fresh food gasam, causing him to look questioningly in his direction. "Content. Never seen you look this happy." Sheppard shifts uncomfortably on the floor. These are the kinds of conversations he's never liked having. But then, these are the kinds of feelings and situations he's rarely been likely to encounter, either, so he has had no reason to build up a tolerance for it.

"Honestly .. never thought I'd -be- this happy. 'Specially 'bout havin' a kid." He stares down at the bag of mixed fruit, can feel the dopey grin playing on his face and he could care less. He's not usually the type to wear the truth of his emotions for everyone to see, but if ever there was a reason to do so ... having Rodney's kid seems right up there at the top of the list. "I just .. never saw myself as the dad type, you know? My parents weren't exactly the best ... hell, my entire family was dysfunctional from the word -go- and I was always scared that if I ever had kids, I'd just make the same shit mistakes, you know?" 

"Pretty sure every man and woman feels the same way with their first kid, Sheppard." Ronon juts his chin out in the direction of the rooms. "Even Teyla." Sheppard darts an almost paranoid glance toward the doorway before looking back at his friend.

"Yeah, well, don't let -her- hear you say that. Those Batos Rods are a pain." They share a light laugh, even as Sheppard shovels the last of the fruit into his mouth with a content sigh. "Totally gonna have Rodney make up a bunch of bags of this." He leans his head back against the wall, his eyes snapping closed.

"I'll tell him. Sure he'll have a dozen bags by the end of the day." Sheppard snorts, but bobs his head in agreement. Since finding out, Rodney has been doing everything in his power to help out, and Sheppard would be lying if he said he didn't feel a bit spoiled. Who knew that Rodney McKay would be capable of -spoiling- a fella? Though, the second he has the thought, he's upset at himself for it. Because of -course- Rodney's capable of such. He is doting and sweet to his family, and John is now a part of that. Even if it's not in the capacity he truly wants. "I'm glad that you're happy and all. Just a little sorry that it's with McKay. Who in their right mind would want -him- for a parent-partner? And the kid will be battling arrogance and ego every step --" 

Everything happens in a flash of emotion. Anger boiling into wrath, pain on behalf of his best friend, and a sort of .. instinctual -hatred- for anyone talking about Rodney in such a fashion. Before Ronon can finish speaking, Sheppard has pulled the behemoths precious gun and aimed it at him.

"I swear, if you finish that thought, I'm stunning you and leaving you here, Chewie." The words are a bestial growl, his hand shaking ever so slightly as his hormones and emotions rage inside of him. His reaction surprises him. Or, well not the reaction -itself-, so much as the -intensity- of it. He has often reacted a little strongly when people imply the wrong thing about his best friend, but he's never really pulled a gun on someone for such a thing. He carefully eases his finger away from the trigger, forces himself to take several slow breaths to calm down. Even as he is focusing on his breathing, his hand falls to rest gently on the growing swell of his stomach. "I don't give a damn what anyone thinks of Rodney, Chewie. He's my best friend, the greatest guy I've ever known. And I wouldn't be like this if I didn't want him as a .. uh, what'd you call it? Parent-partner? Yeah. I'm pretty sure the machine wouldn't have worked if I didn't want kids with him." He forces himself to lower the blaster, handing it sheepishly back to his friend. Who yanks it away with bared teeth, but no real reaction beyond that. "I, uh .. I was actually -thinking- about how badly I wanted to have kids with him. He had said that he'd never have them, and that ... damn it, that just seemed -wrong- on every level! Watching him with Madison .. it's pretty damn obvious he'd make a wonderful Dad, and I kept picturing these little rugrats running around with both of our features and our shared sass, his brains and my laid back nature .. and next thing I knew, the panel activated." He lets his other hand fall, so that both palms are framing the growing life inside of him. "I was surprised, of course, when I found out I was pregnant, but I've never been anything but happy about it. Me and Rodney .. we're gonna be damn good parents, and this kid is gonna rock." He hiccups with emotional laughter, jerks in surprise when he feels a big, warm hand spread across the baby bump. When he looks up, Ronon is smiling. It's softer, warmer than he has ever seen the behemoth display.

"Glad to finally hear you say it, John." Ronon's voice is tender and emotional in a way that he has never heard from the other man and it makes him feel skittish and yet, grounded at the same time. Makes no sense, but true all the same. "Now, if you'll just admit the rest. Then you and your family can really be happy." Sheppard feels confused and uncertain. What else is there to admit?? He -just- said that he wanted a family, so what else could there be to say? Ronon's hand squeezes his bump when the clearing of a throat catches them both off guard.

"Look here, you example of unevolved humanity, if you don't remove your paw, I will find a way to amputate it." Rodney's voice is curt, the explicit threat in no way open for interpretation. Where Ronon would usually smirk and disregard such, he actually yanks his hand back quickly. Holds both palms up in the universal ' don't want no trouble,' gesture even as he backs away from Sheppard just a bit. The Colonel isn't sure which surprises him more ... the fact that Ronon seems to heed the threat and back away as if he thinks Rodney would actually go through with it, or the fact that he himself is completely sure that Rodney -would- go through with it. (In fact, hearing Rodney threaten Ronon like that is a little hot, and wow his hormones must be in one hell of a weird, pregnant surge for him to think that.) "How're you feeling, John?" Rodney's voice has softened to a gentle curiosity, and Sheppard cannot help but smile sleepily up at his best friend. Despite having just pulled a gun on Ronon, he is feeling warm and content through and through. 

"Tired, but at least my stomach finally settled. Chewie made me this bag of fruit that really hit the spot." The Colonel flashes a smile to Ronon, causing him to miss the flash of jealousy across Rodney's features. "He said Doc Davis approved all the ingredients, and he'll tell you what's in it. Luckily, no citrus fruit." Rodney nods in Ronon's direction before he carefully grabs Sheppard's hands and hauls him to his feet.

"Thank you, Ronon. Write me a list, I'll have plenty made up. Sheppard, I think this suite is perfect. It has three bedrooms, two of which have balcony access, two bathrooms, a small kitchenette, and a large sitting room. There's also a transporter around the corner and plenty of your marines and my minions have agreed to help us move when we're ready. Woolsey has even agreed to give us leave to do some shopping." Sheppard cannot help but squeeze the hands that help him stand. There's something surprisingly intimate in the simple touch and it sends his heart to racing even as he snickers at the rambling of his friend. Rodney is just so damn -adorable- when he rants, raves, and/or rambles. The -only- thing more adorable, is when he's flustered. 

Sheppard subtly shakes his head, trying to clear his mind of the rather enticing image of a blushing, fumbling Rodney. The last thing he needs in present company, is to let his mind wander in such a way.

"Alright, Rodney. I trust your judgement. So, this is our new place. I --"

"Colonel Sheppard? I need to see you and Dr. McKay in my office, please." Woolsey's voice cuts Sheppard off mid-sentence, causing the military man to suck in a silent, but trembled breath. 

"On our way." The two friends share a nervous glance before trudging toward the transporter.

* * *

Rodney is not freaking out. This is not a mantra. Not something he is repeating in his thoughts to keep himself calm. For once, despite the situation, the scientist is -not- freaking. Isn't envisioning every scenario in which things can go wrong. Whatever Richard wants, it's going to be okay ... because there is -nothing- else it can be. NO ONE is going to take John or their tot away. If they try, he will make the Stargate Program and the IOA look fondly on the days of the Ori in comparison to the hell he will rain down on them. They will -not- interfere with his family.

He glances at Sheppard from the corner of his eye and winces. His best friend is a bundle of raw, shaking nerves and it awakens something base ... something -primal- in the scientist. He's shocked to realize that he's prepared to claw and rend something to shreds with his bare hands to protect John and their child. Whatever it takes.

"Rodney." The Colonel's voice wavers and cracks with a deep vulnerability that immediately sets the scientist on edge. "I, uh ... I never thought I'd -ever- say this, but .. uh ... I'm kinda scared here, buddy." Sheppard has been scared before. He's a seasoned veteran, not to mention a survivor of Pegasus Galaxy and all that that entails. So of -course- Rodney has seen his best friend scared. He's just never heard him -admit- it. In fact, Sheppard would usually go well out of his way to make sure that he was -very- vocal about just how -not- scared he is. (Secretly, Rodney finds it funny. Or, at least, as funny as he can in possible life or death situations.)

Hearing Sheppard admit it, somehow makes it real. Sheppard's fear is now an intangible, inescapable truth. This leads to Rodney feeling an overwhelming need to pummel something into submission to help Sheppard feel safe and secure again. (And that has very little to do with his best friend being pregnant. After all, he has always felt so very protective of the Colonel, if he were capable of admitting it or not. Usually not.)

"Sheppard ....... John ..." On a whim, he reaches out to lay a tentative hand on the Colonel's shoulder and is shocked when his friend pushes up, into the hold. Seeking the touch. "There's nothing to be scared of. He's calling us in to inform us that the IOA have finally gotten off their asses and want to see us. And there's nothing to worry about when it comes to those asinine bureaucratic jackholes, either. There is -nothing- they can do ... or I will enact every contingency plan I've ever carefully, -skillfully- hidden in SGC, Atlantis, Area 51, and every other government base I've been exiled to. If push comes to shove, I'll push back so hard that the fallout will be felt all the way in Pegasus!" The threat is delivered with more of a snarl than he intended, but meant all the same. 

The thought of his family being taken .... he would stop anyone and -everyone- pay if they tried such a thing. 

He glances at his best friend and finds himself confused by the unreadable expression he finds there. (He has never seen want and desire on Sheppard's face when it's aimed at him, thus he cannot parse the expressions yet.)

"Jesus, Rodney .. that is some serious mad scientist/supervillain talk, buddy." The Colonel reaches up and tentatively places his hand on top of Rodney's, applying a steady pressure that manages to calm him a bit. "That being said .. do it. If they so much as -blink- wrong, **do it**. -NO ONE- is is taking our kid, Rodney. No. One." They step closer to each other then, united in love for their unborn child. 

"Don't worry, John. No one is taking our kid or -you- away from me." By some miracle, he manages not to wince when he realizes he my have given too much away with those words, but he will not take them back. They are a cemented truth that his friend needs to know. He sees that odd, unreadable expression flash across his face once more before Sheppard slaps on is determined soldier facade. While Rodney is usually comforted by the Soldier Boy Mode, he suddenly, vehemently wishes that his friend would never have need to wear that expression again. (However, he knows better than to -ever- suggest Sheppard give up the military because his Colonel would no sooner stop being a flyboy that Rodney himself would stop being a scientist. And yet .... and yet, even as he has this thought he is surprised to find that he can think of one reason he -would- give up his occupation. He'd give up science, the possibility for a Nobel Prize ... he'd even give up -Atlantis- .... for his child. -THEIR- child. And yet, he wouldn't think to ask John to do the same.)

"Lets go, Colonel." They take a moment to part before heading into the gateroom, and ultimately, Woolsey's office.

Imagine their surprise to find the IOA crowded in the small office along with Carter, O'Neil, Jackson, Ronon, Teyla, Doc Davis .... and Keller. That last one takes them both by surprise, immediately putting them on edge. Rodney tenses vaguely when he feels John's fingers thread heavily in the edge of his sleeve.

"Colonel Sheppard. Doctor McKay ... I know that this is not quite what you expected, but please, have a seat." When Woolsey motions toward two chairs, Rodney shocks himself by carefully stepping between the chairs and those gathered. Only after John has chosen a seat and settled does he move to seat himself on the edge of the other one ... ready to spring into action if needs be.

"Well, I think -that- answers a few of our questions." O'Neil's deadpan tone is met with a cacophony of disparate opinions before Keller stomps her foot and draws all attention to herself.

"Damn it, Rodney! Would you -please- just tell everyone that the rumours aren't true so we can get the hell out of here?! I have more important things to do than sit here and listen to some erroneous gossip about the Colonel being -pregnant-! I mean, come -on-! As if Sheppard would -EVER- have kids with you. Let alone you having kids with someone like the Colonel. _**Especially**_ when you wouldn't even have kids with -me-." 

"Hey! What the **-hell-** is THAT supposed to mean!?" Sheppard snarls rabidly and Rodney really wants to slap the vindictive bitch. 

"Yeah, what John says!" His emotions are running so high, he forgets to stick to Sheppard or Colonel when indicating his friend. He quickly furls his fingers into white knuckled fists, shoving them against his hips so that he doesn't lash out.

"It hardly needs clarification." Keller is now sneering, looking between the two of them. "Fine. Sheppard, you're a slag and everyone knows it. Chaya .. Teer ... the woman on the volcano planet, the Princess or whatever she was on the planet with the Tower. Oh! And Larrin, or whatever her name is. The space pirate woman. I mean, who in their right -mind- would want to raise a child with some intergalactic -man whore-?? That would be one screwed up kid. And Rodney! An emotional cripple and egomaniac? God help the kid if it's even an -iota- smarter than him because he'll spend the kid's entire life running him down while doing everything possible to prove that he's smarter than his own kid. No doubt scarring the poor thing for life, making it as socially inept as he is. One or the other of you, the kid might survive, but a slut and an insecure arrogant jackass? You may as well label it a psychopathic sociopath at birth! But none of that really matters, because there is -ZERO- chance these stupid rumours are true." By the time Keller has finished speaking her bit, the room is completely silent. For all of one minute before all hell breaks loose. The IOA, Woolsey included, gasp in surprise at the toxic vitriol the normally sweet woman has spewed all over two men who have spent the last five years giving of themselves to fight a war to keep Earth and their home safe. 

Dr. Jackson currently has a restraining hand on O'Neil and Ronon. Both of which look pissed. However, when Sheppard breaks down into a hormonal fit of jagged sobbing, they switch from pissed to homicidal and Jackson begins holding them back in earnest. 

Meanwhile, Rodney has physically pulled Sheppard into his lap and is cradling him as close as possible as he tries to calm and reassure him. The state that the Colonel is in spurs Carter and Teyla into action. They move to stand between their distraught friends and the viper-tongued bitch that hurt them. 

"You will leave Atlantis right this moment, Doctor Keller, or I will physically remove you. And I can make no promises to be gentle in such a situation. In fact, I can assure you the exact opposite to be true. Your petty, despicable behavior has hurt two of my family, whom I deeply treasure. I would very much cherish an opportunity to return the favor, as I believe the saying goes." Teyla doesn't raise her voice .. but then, she doesn't have to. Keller is perfectly aware of just how capable and dangerous the Athosian is, and has no doubt that she would follow through with her threats.

"In fact, Keller, I believe -everyone- in this room would be more comfortable if you leave SGC altogether. Teyla. Ronon. Please escort Dr. Keller to a spare room until we're done here. Have two guards put on the door. Oh! And -please- try to get her there in one undamaged piece." O'Neil's usual deadpan has become an explicit, no arguments allowed command. 

"Yeah ... we'll try our best." Ronon growls the reply as Teyla grabs Keller by the arm and hauls her none too gently from the room.

"Gentlemen, I apologize for Dr. Keller's outburst. But, unfortunately, there are still questions in need of answers and things to be discussed." A tall, slim member of the IOA tries to restore order, but no one seems to be listening or paying any attention to him. Instead, everyone seems to be patiently waiting to take their cue from Sheppard and McKay, who are still somewhat huddled together. 

"John. It's okay. I -swear- it's okay! She's just .. just a vindictive bitch spouting every toxic, horrid thing she could think up to warp and tarnish what we have. I wouldn't have kids with her, but I am -overjoyed- to be starting a family with -you-, John." Rodney's words teeter somewhere between hysterical and hard-edged. He's two seconds from following Ronon and Teyla to take revenge on his ex-girlfriend. But he won't abandon John like that .. especially not when the Colonel is sitting in his lap, wrapped so desperately around him. Though the feel of Sheppard's tears streaming down the crook of his neck is unnerving, he is touched that he is being allowed to hold his best friend, to comfort him.

"W-ho .. e-even says ... t-t-things like t-that...!?" Sheppard whimpers, trembling, struggling to get his words out through the soft, hitching little emotional sobs. Rodney carefully rubs one hand down his back, while the other cards tenderly through his hair. Not for the first time, he wishes he were a little bit better at this whole comforting thing, but it's never been his strong suit. He can only hope that he will be sufficient at it when their child is born.

"A horrible, terrible, heartless person, John. -None- of it is true, I -swear-, John! Anyone would be lucky to have a kid with you, and you're gonna be a damn good Dad, baby, I know it." If anyone, John and Rodney included, realize he called Sheppard baby, they're kind enough not to comment.

"Thanks, buddy." Sheppard murmurs shyly, his lips dragging softly against the crook of his neck. "There, uh .. there's no one I'd rather have as a parent-partner than -you-, Rodney McKay. This will be the most beautiful, smart, sassy, wonderful kid -ever-!" Rodney squeezes Sheppard affectionately before carefully placing him back onto his seat. 

"So, for starters. Whoever thought it a good idea to invite Dr. Keller is a moron that should -definitely- be removed from the gene pool. Thankfully for them, however, I have more important things to attend to than ferret them out and then sterilize them." Rodney out right snarls these words, narrowed gaze slipping from face to face, hoping the words sink in, before powering on before anyone can protest the offensive words. "Yes, Sheppard is pregnant with our child, via Ancient technology. Yes, we are moving into a suite of rooms together to raise our child. And -No-! **NO ONE** will try and take our child from us or I swear on a -God- I don't even -believe- in that there will be **hell** to pay. Now, questions?" No matter how hard he struggles against it, he cannot help the challenging tone his words take on. The sudden feel of Sheppard's hand wrapping awkwardly but firm around his, manages to calm him a fraction, and he exhales quietly.

The IOA exchange apprehensive glances, Carter and O'Neil doing the same. Surprisingly, Jackson is the first to speak ... and Rodney could practically kiss the other scientist for asking the -right- question.

"Will all of this be easier on Sheppard in the Pegasus Galaxy?" Honestly, for the first time in his life, Rodney finally understands what it is to have a bro-crush. 

"Yes. A thousand times -yes-. Apparently, there are several cultures in Pegasus that have Carriers. Men that get pregnant through technology of the Ancestors/Ancients. I'm pretty sure the database can point us in the direction of people that can help." 

"Please." Sheppard ducks his head even as he speaks up, turning his body more toward Rodney without seeming to realize he's doing it. "Me and Rodney .. we've done a lot for this expedition. We've pulled off so many impossible things since coming to Atlantis. In fact, it's home, now, and we've given everything we could to defend out home. Atlantis belongs in Pegasus .. and so does our family. Please." The scientist wants to stand and -cheer-! He honestly cannot believe that Sheppard said all of that! Lease of all because the Colonel has a very hard time asking for things he wants. He cannot begin to fathom the kind of courage it took his best friend to make his desires known. 

O'Neil breaks the silence by slow clapping dramatically, which seems to set Carter and Jackson off into soft fits of laughter. 

"Well, I'm convinced! I agree with Sheppard and McKay. I think the best place for Atlantis and her citizens is back in the Pegasus Galaxy." Rodney finds himself holding his breath as the IOA huddle together. He squeezes Sheppard's hand tightly, silently praying. (Though even now, he would deny doing such.)

"Colonel Sheppard ... Dr. McKay ... we find ourselves in agreement with O'Neil. Further more, we believe that leadership should remain as is. Woolsey, you will remain head of the Expedition, with McKay and Sheppard heading their sections. We also trust you both to decide who will be allowed to rejoin your departments." Rodney barely refrains from doing something utterly embarrassing like fist pumping in victory or pinching himself to make sure that this is all real. Because this seems like a damn dream come true. He gets a family and they get to go -home-!!

"Teyla and Chewie are gonna be so damn happy." Rodney turns his head at his friend's words. He idly wonders if he's wearing the same dopey grin as his Colonel and finds that he really doesn't mind if he is. Now is -totally- the time to be deliriously happy!

"John ... Rodney ... may I say that I am so very happy for you both. I also look forward to our return." Woolsey suddenly appears in front of them and Rodney is shocked to find himself hastily swallowing down the beginnings of a snarl of warning at his proximity to Sheppard.

"Thanks, Richard. Gotta say, I'm happy to be going home. Hopefully, the Galaxy is still in one piece." When Sheppard offers Woolsey a beaming smile, Rodney finds himself relaxing a little bit. Huh. How odd?

"Rod." Jackson's voice catches him off guard and he's fairly perplexed to realize that he doesn't want to growl at the man as if he's some perceived threat. Not like he wanted to snarl at Woolsey. Huh. Again. 

"Danny!" In fact, he leaps up, out of the chair and throws his arms around the other scientist in an awkward but so very sincere hug. "That question ... -that- question scores you -plenty- of points, Danny!" He squeezes the man before letting go, surprised to see Jackson actually -blushing-. 

"Wow. Who knew all it took was a rather obvious question to get your approval, Rod. I would've tried that way before nearly dying." They share a shockingly warm, companionable grin before Rodney feels a strong hand clamp onto his bicep and yank him away. He turns to find a red-faced, -very- pissed off Sheppard glaring daggers at him. He's about 1000% sure that if looks could kill, even -Ascension- wouldn't save him. (Or Jackson, for reason that make no sense to him. He doesn't understand -why- his best friend looks like he wants to kill them both. He doesn't recognize jealousy on Sheppard anymore than he had recognized desire.)

"Rodney!" Sheppard hisses his name so heatedly that -Jackson- winces in sympathy. "Lets -go-!" He recognizes the words for the command that they are and turns to smile sheepishly at the scientist.

"See you later, Danny. And thank you, so -much-. Thank O'Neil for us, too. I'd do it myself, but I just really don't want to." The blunt admission startles a laugh from Jackson.

"I'm sure the feeling is mutual, Rod. I'll be around, see me before you leave, okay?" Jackson claps him on the shoulder before nodding politely to John. "Colonel."

"Yeah, whatever." Sheppard mumbles petulantly before physically hauling Rodney out of the office, toward the transporter. "First Carter!" The soldier actually begins to -rant- as he shoves Rodney into the transporter. "Katie .. Alina .... blond volcano hussy .. Keller ..." Oh wow, Rodney half expects his best friend to start slavering at the mouth as he moodily jabs a finger at the display screen. "Now some .. some -pretty boy- scientist who's all Rod this and approval -that- and I've almost died -way- more times for you!" O...k...a..y... Sheppard can start making sense -any- second now! Pretty Boy? Almost dying? What the -hell-!? 

"Sheppard ..." Rodney Rodney looks around the abandoned hallway in a near panic and immediately amends himself when he realizes that they're alone, remembering what the Colonel asked of him. "John! What the hell is going on here? And let me just tell you! Being -reminded- of all the times you've almost -died- is NOT something I need right now! I still have **nightmares** about that 'So long, Rodney' crap you pulled. Watching that -stupid- dot on that -stupid- screen is still one of the **_worst_** things I've ever seen, John! That and Kolya letting that Wraith feed on you." Rodney's stomach jumps and squirms, a bead of sweat trailing down the nape of his neck at the memory of John writhing in pain, withering before his eyes as Todd fed on him. He's fairly shaking now, hands clenching in white knuckled fists as his overactive imagination conjures those two horrifying situations, replaying them on an agonizing loop. On top of that, he's left with the memory of just how heart sick and useless he had felt in both moments.

He hears several heavy, half hysterical breaths before yelping in surprise when he suddenly has an armful of an emotional, vibrating Sheppard.

"Oh God, Rodney. I'm so -sorry-, buddy. I never apologized! And how -lame- was that, saying so long? I just .. I wanted to say so -much- but there wasn't -time- and that asshole crack about time after Todd and I'm so damn sorry!" Sheppard actually whimpers as he once again shoves his tear-stained face against the crook of his neck. Rodney feels a bone deep sense of weariness settling into him and finds himself nearly swaying on his feet. He doesn't bother making a conscious decision, just lets his instincts take over. He pulls Sheppard flush against him and walks him back into the transporter. 

"It's okay, John. I mean ... no, okay, it's not but I -get- it, I really do, flyboy. It's going to -be- okay, John." He pries one arm off his friend long enough to tap the display screen and then carefully walks the Colonel out of the transporter when they arrive. 

"W'r'e goin', R'dn'y .." Sheppard slurs his words and Rodney winces as he navigates him down the hallway and then opens a door.

"My room, John. We're both exhausted. We need to sleep." He whispers the words softly, a little afraid to speak too loudly and disturb the half-drowsing man in his arms. He gingerly settles Sheppard on the end of his bed before he clinically undresses him and then helps him into a pair of shorts and a loose t-shirt. After quickly redressing himself in the same, he shuffles Sheppard under the covers. 

He doesn't hesitate to wrap himself around his friend from behind, his palm tenderly pressed to the clothed swell of Sheppard's stomach. God, that's their -kid- and he still cannot fathom the full truth of that. They're gonna have a kid and Atlantis is getting to return home. Good things like this so rarely happen!

"Try and get some sleep, baby, you need it." He sleepily nuzzles the nape of John's neck, his words slurring a little as he begins to drift off to sleep.

* * *

Two months. In two months, Atlantis will be returning to Pegasus. They're finally going home!!!

* * *

John is listing slightly to the left, struggling not to outright sway where he is sitting on the couch. Marines and scientists have been going in and out of the room, hefting boxes and placing them where John tells them. He had been beyond surprised when Rodney had volunteered to pitch in, without complaint. Not once has he spoken of sore or strained muscles. After every few boxes, he trudges over to check on John and then goes right back to work.

It's actually freaking the Colonel out, a little. It's not that he's never seen Rodney helpful, because he has. Usually when his family is involved, but still. He -has- seen it. But to see him so damn dedicated, and especially worried about -him- .. it leaves a warm, fuzzy feeling going on in the Colonel. A feeling he's doing everything in his power to -ignore- because this situation is already so odd and surreal, he's afraid of messing up and making it worse. At the moment, Rodney is, for better or worse, stuck with him. They are going to be parents to a new life in a few months, which means that Rodney can't really run away. (He could, but John knows him better than that. Rodney will stay for the child, if nothing else.) The last thing he wants to do is make his best friend miserable by adding something as sticky and inconvenient as feelings to the equation. 

He stifles a yawn, feeling betrayed by his body. He's literally just been sitting here, ordering people around, but he feels as if he's run a half marathon with a Wraith Queen at his heels. He scrubs his hands down his face then up, through his hair, tugging and teasing the strands until they're a wild mess on his head.

"John." Rodney has begun to use his first name in all manner of situations now, rather than only when they're alone. It leaves a tingling glow nestled deep in his stomach. He's at least half certain that he likes it. "Here." He pries his eyes open and cants his head to see the bottle of cold water and baggie of fresh fruit held out to him. His stomach gurgles and his mouth waters as he makes grabby hands toward the items. (He never would've thought that he would become spoiled, especially not at the hands of the cantankerous scientist. Yes, they're best friends, but they give each other shit more often than they are sweet or anything along those lines. So, to have Rodney trailing behind, taking care of him .. he's terrified that he's going to get -used- to the situation and then it will hit him like a ton of bricks when the kid is born and Rodney stops. Because he can't really envision it continuing after he's no longer incubating Rodney's progeny.)

"Thanks, buddy." He croons happily as he settles the baggie in his lap and fishes out a full cherry. Sweet and tart, he sighs in ecstasy as he snacks.

"You're welcome. Ronon's got the last box settled, so they'll be heading out in a few minutes. Anything you need?" John hums thoughtfully around a mouthful of fruit. In truth, there's half a dozen things he could ask for, mostly food and drink, things along those lines, but being pregnant hasn't fully changed the fact that he doesn't like being a burden to people.

"Nope. I'm good, Rodney." He flashes his best winsome smile, knowing that it is the kind of 'attractive' that most people fall all over themselves for. Rodney flushes at the shells of his ears, but otherwise seems immune. (Just his luck. The one person he -wants- to charm and he usually seems to do such a piss poor job of it. Why is that always the way??)

"Alright, then. Excuse me." Rodney about faces and scurries toward his room, leaving John to assume that's where the last box ended up. He feels a flash of jealousy and annoyance at the thought of Ronon alone in Rodney's room and quickly shoves the feeling down. He doesn't have the -right- to feel this way, and he damn well knows it. However, he also knows that feelings are illogical and follow no whim but their own. 

He shifts on the couch, already half way through his snack and the bottle of water, and neither Rodney or Ronon have exited the bedroom. His teeth have begun to grind, his jaws flexing with the exertion of swallowing back an irrational tirade. Yes, this is his home .. yes, these are the rooms he shares with his best friend and parent-partner ... and yes, he -really- wants everyone BUT him and Rodney to vacate his territory ASAFP, but that doesn't mean he has the -right- to feel this way. He has no -claim- on Rodney McKay, and doesn't that just burn him up inside!? 

He shovels the last pieces of fruit into his mouth and bites so viciously that he actually yelps. The tang of copper fills his mouth and he struggles not to gag on the flavor.

"John?!" Apparently, he yelped louder than he thought, because Rodney arrives so quickly it's almost like he materialized. 

"'m fine, Rodney. Bit my tongue." Rodney takes off and reappears in a few moments, with a cup of water and an empty mug. Sheppard quickly rinses his mouth out, shuddering at the tang of blood, praying silently that the disgusting taste isn't enough to set his morning sickness off.

"Of course you did. What am I gonna do with you, John?" Now, the Colonel can think of at -least- half a dozen things to answer to that question, but for his own sanity and the sake of their friendship, he keeps his damn mouth closed. He learned a long time ago that wishing and hoping don't amount to anything in this world. (If it did, he wouldn't be a Sheppard .. he wished for that to change a hundred times in a single year and never -once- did that work.)

"Sheppard. You okay?" Ronon comes swaggering out of Rodney's room and Sheppard would -swear- that he's never seen the Satedan look so damn arrogant and self confident. Before he can stop himself, his hands have moved to cup the beginning swell of his stomach. Ronon seems like the embodiment of everything John -isn't- right now and he wants to scream. Wants to jut his bottom lip out and whine at Ronon because he feels ridiculous. 

"Peachy, Chewie. So, leaving now?" By the grace of God, or maybe the Ancients, he manages to keep the words a question rather than the demand/command he wants them to be. He feels as if he's two seconds from climbing to his feet and shoving the warrior out of the room and please dear deity let this be -hormones-! Because otherwise .. he's starting to lose his mind and the tenuous grasp he has on ignoring things until they GO AWAY! (Though, given the fact that he and Rodney are now cohabiting, there is -nowhere- for the problem to go!!)

"Yeah. See ya later, Sheppard." Ronon turns to Rodney with a little bit of a smirk, causing the scientist to blush and stand a little straighter.

What.

The.

HELL!?!

"Don't be late, McKay."

"Don't be stupid, Dex." The words have all the hallmarks of a genuine McKay barb, but there is something fond buried beneath them, and that is a tone Rodney usually reserves for barbs aimed at -him- and what the hell is going on!? Why is Rodney using a -him- voice on Ronon?

Who just spent way too much time alone with Rodney in his bedroom.

And is now making clandestine meetings of some kind.

John forces himself to take a careful, deep breath. -Forces- himself to calm down before he says or does something he won't be able to take back, no matter how many claims he would make of pregnancy hormones. Like throw his bottle of water at the back of Ronon's retreating head or pull the Satedan's gun and stun him into next Tuesday. Maybe just spit and hiss like some kind of feline with their hackles raised. Either way, it would lead to admitting the kinds of things you can't come back from and he's not ready to risk his friendship with his best friend. He's just -not-.

So instead, he just levels his best 'not even bothered' glance at the exit of the behemoth before turning to find Rodney standing off to the side. Staring at him. Not an unusual phenomenon these days.

"Thanks. For the stuff, Rodney. And for, you know .. all the hard work." He struggles through the kind of awkwardness he hasn't felt toward his friend since shortly before coming to Atlantis. It's odd, abrasive, **_wrong_**. It's such a -foreign- feeling! He wriggles a little on the couch, his gaze resting somewhere over McKay's shoulder so that he doesn't have to try and force himself to look the scientist in the eye. The gooshing, overwhelming emotions are still too close to the frayed surface and he fears leaking them everywhere. Because even Rodney can only be oblivious for -so long-. 

"Right. Yes. Of course, John. No need to thank me." The scientist flashes such a proud, preening, happy smile, that Sheppard -aches- with it. Physically, spiritually, mentally, and emotionally ... all of the ally's positively ACHE for and with his best friend. "How are you feeling? Do you need anything?" The words are so earnest, so sweet. They cause his breath to hitch and lodge in his throat. This man, labeled arrogant, crass, fatalistic and worse ... THIS MAN is the one that chooses to coddle and comfort the Colonel. He sniffs silently, blinking back the sudden wave of tears threatening him. He hunches over his own lap, staring intently at the last dregs of his snack, so as to avoid the possibility of Rodney seeing how overcome he is.

"I'm fine, buddy. Seriously, there isn't anything I need. I mean .. man, -I'm- not the one that's been working his ass off getting our home in order. Sit down, Rodney." On a whim born more of insanity than hormones, he reaches beside himself and pats the cushion next to him. He's beyond shocked when Rodney walks over and plops onto it without further prompting, argument, or anything else. He just sprawls there.

Loose limbed.

His legs spread wide, his thigh seeping warmth against John's. Their shoulders are pressed together in a neat, symmetrical line and he tries not to panic! Because -surely-, sitting -this close-, Rodney has to be able to -feel- it, if not hear it. The wild rhythm of excitement, hope, and fear his heartbeat is drumming. It's been years since someone actually sent his heart to racing. (Nancy. His ex-wife. She had caused this exact same reaction and look how that turned out?? Not horrible, per se, but bad enough that seeing her during his Father's funeral had been several shades of awkward and emotionally draining. He won't ... hell, just CANNOT allow that to happen between him and McKay because that would be a loss far too heavy for him to sustain. He barely survived Carson and Elizabeth .. he cannot go through -that-.)

"Thanks, John." The scientist sounds tired and worn out and John tries not to feel guilty about it. He really does. Logically, he -knows- that it's not his fault that he couldn't help because he knows that pregnancy means he will have to be more careful. And yet ... YET, it really -is- a little his fault, isn't it? After all, he's the one that -wanted- this. That selfishly wished for something like this without stopping to think about the consequences. He wasn't concerned with how -Rodney's- life would change right along side his. Or how the people of Atlantis, HIS PEOPLE, would suffer the consequences of their CO, leader, and -friend- being incapacitated by this event. 

But still .. he wouldn't trade this for anything. 

Not. 

Anything. 

His hand presses tenderly into the forming swell, jaw falling lax in a dopey smile he can never seem to curb these days. He's too damn happy, practically preening, over the life growing inside of him. 

But there's something about that feeling, the connection of unfettered LOVE filling him up that causes an unending wellspring of pain also. He blinks back a sudden bevy of tears as he finds his thoughts wandering in the most dangerous direction possible; his family. He sniffles, aiming for discreet and missing by a mile as the sorrowful sound escapes. Instantly, he can feel the line of Rodney's body stiffening in concern where they are pressed together.

"John? What is it? Is everything okay??" That edge to the voice of the scientist is not new, but it still has the power to flip the hormonal switch in John's body and render him a slave to his emotions. His mouth falls open, but no words emerge. Instead, a pitiful sound of pained sorrow tumbles out. A sound he has not made since he was a little boy. "John! Come on, baby, it's okay, I promise. Just breathe." There's a powerful arm circling his shoulders, a strong, wide hand pressed tenderly against the wild anthem of his beating heart and he is instantly comforted. Not calmed, but still, comfort is better than nothing. 

He turns into his best friend, folding himself against the protective curve of Rodney's body, finding solace there. He has dreamed about doing this, since their return to Earth. Dreamed about having the -right- to fit himself against the other man and see if he could find home there. (And of -course- pressing into Dr. Rodney McKay feels like finally coming home. Like finding the perfect place to fit forever and he is terrified that this will be taken away. Once the Tot is born, they will become parents and lose everything else. And still, STILL, he would not change it. Would not wish away the developing life.)

"R-Rod..ney..." The word is broken, shattered on it's trip through his overwrought vocal chords. A shaking hand manages to find it's way into the material of his shirt, crumpling and rumpling the fabric as he clutches it desperately. It is an odd lifeline, but a hope for salvation from his emotions, all the same.

"Yeah, it's okay. I got you." Some part of him knows that most of Atlantis would tell him just how broken and -warped- he is, that he finds safety and reassurance in the embrace of Dr. McKay. While everyone in this city trusts the scientist to save their lives on a regular basis, almost none of them would allow the man into the personal, inner workings of their day-to-day lives. But Sheppard? He feels **-privileged-** to know Rodney this way. And to hell with everyone else that is missing out because of their own stupidity. (He seems to have lost what little tolerance he had for morons since joining the expedition. He totally credits McKay for that.)

"I .." His voice cracks pathetically on that single word and he swallows convulsively to try and hide the fact. When he feels Rodney preparing to get up, probably to fetch him more water, he actually whimpers and clamps tighter to his shirt. Afraid that he will leave him while he's struggling to get himself together. "I was five .. five years old, the first time my Mother told me I was a mistake." He finally manages to grit the words out, his eyes snapping closed under the weight of that horrible memory. (Yet another reason he knows that praying and wishing don't achieve a thing. If it did, he'd have forgotten that memory decades ago.) "I wasn't unplanned, you gotta understand that part, Rodney. It wasn't that kind of mistake, not so normal or ... or -commonplace-." 

He trips and stumbles over his own words, knowing that there is no way he can pick and choose the correct ones. No way to try and help Rodney understand just what it was he went through. Not because of a lack of empathy or any of the other BS that follows McKay around, but because McKay was never a Sheppard. He probably had a more normal life than John did, genius aside. He sucks in a few desperate, shaky breaths and then burrows closer to Rodney's side.

"See, Mother wanted to be a Sheppard. More than she wanted anything else in life. She was smart, beautiful, could've had anything she wanted, and what she wanted was the last name, the bank accounts and holidays .. the cocktail parties with all the women wanting her attention and all the men .. well, wanting -her-." His entire form shakes for a moment. Because he remembers it. The horror of hearing his Mother say all of this when he was **five years old**.

"My Dad was smart, a good business man. Built a nice, lucrative little empire and she wanted her piece. But the thing is, to be a Sheppard, you have to sacrifice." He barely realizes that he has pitched his voice so that it perfectly mimics his Father's. He shivers and shudders minutely at the memory of the Old Man giving him that lecture for the first time. He had only been 9 for that particular Sheppard Family Gem. "For her, that sacrifice was her happiness, her figure, the one thing that had been only -hers- and no one elses. I had to hear all about how I changed her. How I was the little bastard that sucked the life from her for 9 months, robbed her of the perfect body because she'd never get it again. I was a -mistake- because her life was too high a price to pay for the Sheppard name and this little leech that would count on her for the next 18 years." He chokes the words out on a half hysterical sob, before shoving his fist into his mouth in the hopes of SILENCING himself. Honestly, the last thing he needs to do is -burden- his best friend with the shittiest aspects of his childhood.

"John ..." Rodney seems barely able to sound the name out, mush-mouthing it and that's when John realizes that Rodney is -crying-. Once again, Sheppard realizes he should win an award for the worst friend. Because he made Rodney -cry- and he hasn't the foggiest how the hell he's supposed to FIX this! He burrows as close as he can into Rodney's side, pressing his face against his friend's shoulder, trying to calm his own breathing enough that Rodney can latch onto it and try to banish his tears.

"I'm so sorry, buddy. I should've kept my big mouth shut. For such a stoic, laconic guy, I say too much sometimes." Rodney huffs a harsh breath and tilts his head so that their temples are pressed together almost delicately.

"John .. I'm not .. I mean how ... damn it, how the hell can you think I'm upset about the fact that you're -talking-?!? No, I'm -upset- because your Mom was the kind of unmitigated bitch that would -say- something like that to her own kid, no matter -what- age he was!" The Colonel wants to implode. Wants to fold into himself like a collapsing star, if only to cease existing for a time. 

"It, uh .. it was a shitty thing to say, yeah. Not one of the worst I've heard from family." He flinches after the fact, realizing that this is another moment he probably should've shut the hell up, but whatever. It's over, it's done. He's ripped his heart open and presented a battered piece of it to his best friend.

"John .." The emotion behind his name is unnameable now. A cocktail of messy feels that he's too damn tired to try and decipher at the moment. Because in his current state of mind, there is nothing positive to be found from this entire encounter. Not even the feel of being wrapped up secure in Rodney's arms is enough to save the pathetic state of this conversation. So, he carefully, -reluctantly- pries himself out of his friend's arms and stands from the couch. He gathers his trash and holds it in front of him like the world's most awkward shield, and nods vaguely in the direction of the bedrooms.

"Thanks for getting all of this done, McKay. Think I'm gonna go make sure everything's where I want it, try and grab a nap or .. or something. Later, buddy." He beats a hasty retreat, locking his door with a tired thought before carefully curling up on his side, arms protectively laced over his belly as he allows the pent up tears to flow freely.

Whatever it takes .. he will be a thousand times better at parenting than his Mother or Father. (Not that it would take much.)

* * *

Domestic life is far different than Rodney ever assumed it would be. There is none of the horror he expected after watching the train-wreck that he called Parents. Nor is it the same sort of thing he had witnessed his sister and brother-in-law enact. There is something ... wonderfully -different- about the domestic life he now shares with the Colonel that leaves him smiling more often than not, even -without- thoughts of the Tot being involved. 

Several times, he has heard Radek cracking jokes about how 'married life' seems to suit him and each and every time, he has made a haha and pretended that the words didn't gut something precious and delicate deep inside of him. Every joke increases the longing inside of him, which leaves him feeling exhausted and a little bit bitter. Two things he has done -every thing- in his power to hide from John. The further his friend goes in his pregnancy, the more emotional he has become. And the -last- thing Rodney wants is to set the Colonel off. He seems to teeter in a semi-permanent state between close to tears and ready to murder someone. (Oddly enough, the tears are usually for Rodney while the homicidal desires trend more toward Ronon. Neither him or the man in question have been able to figure out why. Because it has occurred to neither of them that John has romantic feelings for Rodney and is thus jealous of the amount of time the two men have begun to spend together.)

All jokes and odd looks from some of the Marines aside, Rodney absolutely loves the time he has been spending with his best friend. They start their days off over cups of warm tea; decaf for Sheppard, something warm and bitter, with loads of caffeine, for Rodney. They eat breakfast and then spend the morning making all the necessary plans for Atlantis' return to Pegasus. They review personnel files together, decide who will and won't be returning with them. (So far, all of those that left the city .. are being left behind. Rodney still shivers at the memory of holding Sheppard as he burst into tears over his decision that Lorne would be staying at SGC rather than returning.) 

When they break for lunch, they usually come back to their rooms and Rodney cooks something for the both of them, so that Sheppard can relax rather than deal with gossip, staring, etc. Plus, after the first time he had gotten sick in the middle of the mess hall because of some sickness inducing smell, it had been decided by all parties that private meals were better. Sometimes, their friends and family joined them, but it was usually just the two of them. They would spend their afternoons apart, which Rodney was not as big a fan of. Come to think of it, neither was John. They both got moody and anxious when not in each others presence and the scientist is pretty sure that if Lorne had stuck around rather than -abandon- them, he would've started another one of his godawful petitions. 

In the afternoons, Rodney spent time with Radek and their team, going over Atlantis. Making sure that the city had everything it needed, all necessary stocks and repairs, to make the jump from Earth back Home. Several times, he had been forced to fire workers on the spot for incompetence. The kind of moronic mistakes that would get them all killed if repeated while making the move. Strangely, or maybe not given their odd friendship and respect for each other, Radek had backed him up on every one of those firings. 

While Rodney was working with the scientists, Sheppard was working with Woolsey, O'Neil, and on very rare, tense occasions, Dr. Jackson, getting the IOA and Military side of things squared away. (Poor Danny still hasn't the first clue why Sheppard gives him evil, angry looks. Or why the man hisses at times, while sniffling and pouting in his direction at others. He does, sadly, understand -why- O'Neil laughs, smirks, and even rarely snickers when Sheppard treats him this way .... because his best friend is a jackass that enjoys his pain.)

Once they are through for the night, they retire back to their rooms, where they eat, talk, and eventually head to bed.

This is one of those days. They have both just finished dinner after dealing with their departments and both are tired. Utterly exhausted, in fact, as the final days before the jump approach. They are sitting on the couch, a laptop propped on the table in front of them, though it's powered down. Neither of them had the mental capacity to actually try and decide on something to watch to occupy their time until they're tired enough to go to bed. 

Rodney rouses himself from a half stupor when he hears Sheppard drag in a particularly hissing breath. It immediately puts him on high alert, as any sound of pain, discomfort, or annoyance does. 

"What's wrong, John?" He struggles to pitch his voice just right. To try and make sure that he's not smothering his friend, but that John knows he actually cares and isn't just .. trying to follow some social cue or convention. 

"Wha?" Sheppard blinks almost absently, eyes struggling to open back up as he slumps on the couch. Rodney tenses momentarily, but manages to calm himself when he sees nothing visibly wrong with his friend. Well, beyond the fact that he's obviously so damn tired. But that isn't anything unusual or wrong given how far along he is in his pregnancy. "Oh. Nothing. I'm fine, Rodney. Just a little sore." The scientist shifts on the couch for a moment, formulating an idea. It's not something he does very often. In fact, there's only one person he's ever made the offer to. 

"John .." Rodney's voice skips a little. Shuffles through a myriad of confusing emotions before he clears his throat and silently chastises himself. This is Sheppard .. his best friend .. and the most important person in his life for some time now. A simple, caring suggestion isn't going to change that. He knows better. "Come here." He carefully shifts his body until he's pressed into the junction of the couch created by it's back and arm. As gently as he can, he hooks his arm around his best friend and repositions the Colonel until they're both comfortable. John's sitting in the V of his legs, head gently canted forward, hands braced against his knees. They are both awkward, but not uncomfortable or apprehensive. Rodney will never understand the trust Sheppard gives him, but he will be grateful for it every day of his damn life! 

"What's up, buddy?" And there is a lot of trust there. Sheppard has no clue -why- Rodney wanted him to move, but he did it without question, without fail. Rodney feels warmth blossoming deep inside and it is strange and wonderful all at once. He has no evidence for what it might be, but for once, he just doesn't give a damn. Maybe not everything needs to be understood immediately. (A part of him wants to scream at that conclusion, but he refuses to. It is a valid conclusion, damn it!) 

"Just close your eyes and try to relax, John." He chuffs a breath before he rubs his hands together, hard. Generating as much heat through his palms and digits as he can. Once they feel a little tingly and hot, he reaches out and presses his palms flat against the curve of John's shoulder, right against his neck. He digs his steady, agile fingers into the knots of muscle there. Within three careful kneads, John moans deliciously and goes nearly limp with pleasure. 

"... you are so -dead-, Rodney! How the -hell- did I not know you could -do- this!?" John's voice is playfully whiny, his shoulders slumped in a comfortable position that makes that warmth even more prevalent in Rodney. "So many missions you could've done this for me." He knows that his friend is joking, that the words are -playful- and not -spiteful- or truly -complaining-, but they still hurt. A lot. He's so damn used to people being disappointed in him, that he feels every jab keenly, even when he knows he shouldn't. So, he sucks in a breath, pushes his own aching back deeper against the junction of the couch so that there's a little more space between the two of them. 

"Sorry, John. Never thought to mention it." When he feels his friend gearing up for an apology or a lecture, he quickly shifts his hands to the other shoulder and neck. Quickly digs those expert fingers deep into a knoted muscle and practically preens when Sheppard moans deeply and goes loose once more. 

"You're really good at this. How are you really good at this??" The words could be taken as condescending, but Rodney knows better because he -knows- Sheppard's many tones. And this tone is more teasing than anything else. Once he has finished with his shoulder, he gently coaxes Sheppard forward a little and places his palms against the small of his back. Which, no surprise, is knoted and a little swollen from the counterbalance of his pregnancy weight. 

"I dated a guy in college. He had a lot of stress issues and I got a little worried about him, so I booked some massage classes on my weekends. I only made it through a few classes before we broke up, though, so I never finished. I know the basics and I have no problem offering it whenerver you need it, John." His words are simple, to the point, as words so often are with him.

Which is why he's a little confused when Sheppard suddenly goes rigid and tense under his hands. Undoing all the work he had just done. He reviews what he said, struggling to understand what he said wrong. Because it seems pretty obvious, even to someone as socially inept as him, that something is definitely wrong. 

"Thanks, buddy." Before Rodney can question what's actually happened, John is pulling away. Rising off the couch, heavy with a sense of awkwardness that the scientist just can't figure out. He feels like a child all over again, when his Dad would scream and holler at him over some perceived mistake that made no sense to him. (More often than not, he had to explain to the man why he was wrong and Rodney right. It rarely ended well.)

"Of course." He manages to plaster on a shady attempt at a smile, knowing he doesn't succeeded. Not that it matters. Because Sheppard isn't even looking at him. 

"Good night, McKay." Sheppard's words are absent, as if he's not even aware he's speaking, as he turns and heads off in the direction of his room .. that's the only reason he doesn't take offense to being addressed by his last name in their home. By some miracle, he also refrains from pointing out that it's barely early evening and far from time to sleep. If John needs sleep, Rodney will not question it. 

With a dejected sigh, he lays down on the couch. Tucks his knees to his chest and after a moment, wraps his arms around himself. 

He doesn't need a hug. He -really- doesn't. It's just .. more comfortable to lay this way.

Honestly.

* * *

One would think it would be -hard- to avoid someone that you live with, but not so much. It has been relatively easy for Sheppard to ignore Rodney, askewing their developed routine in favor of hiding like the coward he knows he is! 

Now why, you might be asking yourself, is he acting the foolish coward?? Because .. again, his world has been askewed, shattered, and then reformed on a completely different axis and he's not sure he's going to walk away unscathed this time. Somehow, this new bit of information is far more world-changing and overwhelming than discovering Aliens exist and that the human race is capable of traveling to another galaxy through a contained wormhole. 

How the fuck did he not -know- Dr. Rodney McKay is bisexual!? 

He has been -struggling- with his mounting attraction to the sassy scientist because he was afraid that Rodney might be offended at the thought of another man wanting him ... and he is just NOW finding out that Rodney has dated men before. (Okay, so he only knows of -one- man for certain, but still! That is ONE MORE THAN HE ORIGINALLY KNEW OF! Suddenly, the almost insane levels of jealousy he's been feeling toward Ronon and Dr. Fancy-Pants Jackson doesn't feel so misplaced. In fact, he's pretty sure he's about to step it up. A lot. Soon, in fact.)

He shifts uncomfortably in the stiff chair he's stuck in, struggling not to make a scene as his level of discomofrt edges toward pain. Like, actual pain! His eyes, half hooded with exhaustion that pisses him off, scan those gathered at the conference room table. By some act of a deity he doesn't believe in, he has managed to contain his irrational temper well enough that he hasn't thrown something at Dr. Jackson. Yet. Though, if the scientist hadn't made the mistake of plopping himself right into Rodney's usual seat, he might not be quite so riled up. Sheppard had found himself tempted to throw his tablet at him, but managed to refrain.

However, the more the other man -talks-, the more he really, REALLY wants to smack him. Maybe out right punch him. For some reason, every other word out of Jackson's mouth sounds condescending and rude. (Okay, he's not stupid or anything. He -knows- that the scientist isn't actually being an asshole, but everything about the man rubs him the wrong way. It's jealousy, plain and simple. But he can't get over it!) 

"Is that everything, then?" No surprise, O'Neil sounds bored. Beyond so, actually, but Sheppard can't really blame him. Neither of them are really the 'management' types, no matter how much they have both had to embrace it. Meetings like this are anathema but necessary. 

"Actually, no." Sheppard tenses when Jackson pipes up next to him. His hands fall beneathth the edge of the table, fingers twining into the material of his pants even as his jaws set tightly. "If you don't mind, I think one of ours should do a final run through of Atlantis, make sure everything is ready for tomorrow." 

What.

The.

HELL!?

Sheppard's jaws clack and he fears they might crack for a moment, because what the hell!?! Is Jackson -actually- saying what the Colonel -thinks- he's saying?? 

"Excuse you?" The words pop out before Sheppard can swallow them down, but he's not -even- sorry for that. Because he is feeling **very** affronted on behalf of his best friend. Who the hell does this man think he is, suggesting that one of -their- people poke their noses where they don't belong!? "Look here, Dr. Jackson. Radek and Rodney are in charge of checking everything over to make sure we're ready and I can assure you, there is -no one- more qualified, -no one- who knows this city and it's capabilities more than Rodney. There's nothing your people would be able to do that he hasn't. But thanks for the second guessing." He wobbles carefully to his feet, years of training keeping him from wincing in pain as his rounded belly pulls against his back and sides. Thankfully, when his knees pop, the sound is too muffled to be heard.

He storms quietly from the conference room, not much caring that everyone is staring at his retreating back. With the current mood he's in, they're lucky he doesn't turn around and flip Jackson off! And, again, yes ... he knows that the reactions aren't completely logical, but too damn bad! As far as he's concerned, Jackson just insulted Rodney and there's no way in hell that he was just going to sit back and let that jerk insult his ... whatever Rodney is to him right now.

By the time he reaches the transporter, he's having to hold himself up by leaning against the wall. His hand is shaking, fingers barely unfurling enough for him to tap the display screen. When the doors open he stumbles out, nearly trips over his own feet as he struggles to find his center of balance. He is getting frustrated and upset with the fact that he no longer knows his own body. That everything that was once true, for decades now, has been rewritten by the changing of his form to accomodate the growing child. 

In a few of his darker moments, he has actually come to -resent- the fact that he's pregnant. Each of those moments were followed by tears and self hatred/anger. The fact that Dr. Davis says that it is normal to feel that way, given the influx of hormones and the chemical changes and imbalances, does little to comfort him during those moments of guilt.

At the moment, thankfully, he's not feeling the least little bit resentful or upset with his physical condition. All he's feeling is tired and upset about Jackson. About the suggestion that he is -still- taking personal on behalf of his best friend. He can only imagine the kinds of angry, affronted, wrathful things Rodney would've said to the scientist for questioning his ability. In fact, he relishes the imagery so much that he actually considers breaking his avoidance routine to seek McKay out and tell him. Just so he can bask in the sexy indignation the scientist wears so well. 

Almost.

Instead, he wobbles down the hallway, one hand pressed flat against the underside of his belly, the other pressed flat against the wall to guide himself along. Once the door to their suite is opened, he manages to make it all the way to the couch before he gives up and lays down. So very carefully, he lays on his back, cradling his stomach protectively. 

"Soon, my little Tot. Soon, we'll be back home. Just a little hop tomorrow and we'll finally be back in Pegasus. We'll go see Auntie Teyla's people and find a good midwife that can help. And soon, so very soon, you'll be ready to say hello to the world, won't you, precious?" He hums softly as he rubs at his stomach, feeling the anger and distress of the last few hours drain away. Every time he does this, takes a moment to talk to the developing life inside him, he feels so very calm and collected. Feels as if nothing in the Universe can dampen his happiness. 

Because he's going to be a Dad!

"I can't wait for you to get here, precious. I'm a little nervous .. I've never really thought about being a Dad before, but I want to. Because you're going to be the smartest, most beautiful, most special little babe ever. Because you're going to be ours." He stumbles on the word ours. His voice breaks and snaps, shatters until he chokes on a cough. Huh. How can he claim an ours when he can't even be in the same room as Rodney right now?! Every time he even -thinks- about spending time with his best friend, everything about him goes crazy. His mind becomes a whirling spiral of thoughts ranging from needy and lustful to resentful and burdened. His body fills with want and hormones and he's left dizzy and confused. So, it seemed easier to avoid right now, at least until the city is settled enough that some of the stress bleeds away for them both. 

His hands have moved to gently crown the top of his stomach. Cradling his belly so very lovingly as his eyes flutter closed and he knows that he's wearing a smile that isn't likely to leave anytime soon. And why would it? Despite the little outburst, he really is just as happy as can be. They are going -home-. His ... -their- little Tot is going to be born and raised in Pegasus, where they -all- belong. And unlike him ... his precious child is going to have one hell of a -great- family. Even now, he cannot think about his family without being enrobed in bitter disappointment and emotional pain. He prays to whatever deity may exist and be listening, that their kid never feels that way about them.

... which means that he has to stop avoiding his best friend/parent-partner. He heaves a mighty heavy sigh, one hand falling free of his belly to rub the pads of his thumb and finger against his closed eyelids. He cannot think of a time he has felt this damn exhausted before. Even bootcamp wasn't this grueling and he's not pulling 1/16th of what he did back then. Of course, he wasn't knocked up and crushing on his bisexual best friend/baby daddy, either. So, you know, allowances must be made and all of that.

"You're going to be an amazing Dad, John. I can't think of anyone that could love someone as much as you can. Hell, just look at everything you've done for our team, our family ... -everyone- on Atlantis. You're going to be a great parent." Rodney's voice takes him by surprise, causing him to jerk on reflex. He tries to bite back the sound of pain but he just can't. He whimpers and whines, hands moving to press against his rounded stomach as if it will somehow solve everything. (It does make him feel a little better, but he knows that it's just psychosomatic, but still. He will take -any- relief he can get at this point.)

"I .. I just don't know, Rodney. I mean, I told you about my parents. How can -anyone- that comes from -that- hope to be a good parent in turn!?" Oh hell, he's starting to panic. He can feel the same flush of adrenaline across his face, the splotches of heat against his skin as his breathing begins to go off track. As it leeches from him in panicked puffs.

"John!" Rodney snaps his name and the reaction is instant. He focuses on his best friend within the next instance, his eyes wide and confused, but grateful. Dr. Rodney McKay will forever be the second greatest miracle John Sheppard has ever witnessed. (He'd totally be number one if John wasn't currently settled on a couch with a fat, pregnant belly.) "It's going to be okay, baby, I promise. Not a word I use lightly, mind you. It will be okay because you are -not- your parents. No more so than I am mine." John peers over at his friend, frowning when he takes in the clench of Rodney's jaw. His hands furled so tightly against his hips that they are shaking and white. The serpentine slits his eyes have become in his state of overwhelmed emotion. Sheppard bites his bottom lip and then motions toward the couch.

"I think ... I think you need to talk about them, Rodney. Just like I needed to. Come on, buddy." The scientist hesitates for a moment before breathing deeply and walking to the couch. However, he doesn't sit at the end as Sheppard expected. Instead, he reaches down to help manhandle Sheppard to his feet, leaving the Colonel feeling far too confused. Though he shoots right past confused to nearly panicked again when he realizes that they are heading for Rodney's room. 

Even with them living together, he has never actually seen Rodney's room. For some reason, even now, they were more likely to talk in his room than in his friends. He's not sure why. 

Rodney's room is surprisingly neat, so unlike the jumbled, genius mess that his mind is. He has a bed large enough for both of them and their tot, a matching dresser and a desk. He has two laptops set up, but nothing else. Which really does surprise the Colonel. He hadn't expected the almost Spartan, military precision of the room, but maybe he should have. After all, Rodney spent a majority of his adult life working for different governments and militaries, right? 

Huh. 

He nearly balks from sheer -shock- when it becomes obvious that Rodney is leading him right to the bed. NOT something he thinks he's ready to handle, and yet ... and YET .. he still remembers every single one of those heartwrenching fantasies of curling up with his best friend for a dozen different reasons.

So when Rodney pulls the covers down and settles Sheppard on the side of the bed, he goes readily. Smiles shyly as his cantakerous scientist carefully pulls his shoes and socks off, groaning in happiness as his swollen feet 'breathe' for the first time all day. He never stopped to think about all the little things that women go through once they get pregnant. Needless to say, his already high level of respect for the opposite gender has skyrocketed. Once his shoes are tucked under the bed, he carefully maneuvers himself to the middle of the structure and manages not to do something as undignified and terrible as squeal when he realizes that one of his biggest, happiest fantasies is about to come true.

Once he has lain comfortably on his back, Rodney kicks off his shoes and socks and climbs up. After a few moments of shifting and relocating, Rodney has laid his head tenderly against John's belly, sighing happily as he listens to the Tot moving inside. 

"My family .. was just as disfunctional as yours, John .. just, in a very different way." Rodney moves minutely, laying his palm across the curve of John's stomach. Seeming to need the connection just as much as Sheppard does at the moment. "We didn't have any money. We, uh .. we didn't even live paycheck to paycheck, it was ... worse." Sheppard's hand falls to gently card his fingers through Rodney's hair, frowning minutely as he listens. "Sometimes, School was the only chance me and my sister had to eat, you know? Well, no, I guess you don't know." If John had not been bitter about his upbringing before, hearing his best friend like this would've done it. 

".. not to the degree you experienced, no." After all, he had been in active combat, and that didn't always leave room for assurances or the following of schedules. Sometimes, he felt that gnawing pain, though never to the degree of a scared, lonely child that never knew if they would have what they needed. His parents may have hated him, but they made damn sure they provided for him. After all, it simply wouldn't due to have people -whisper- or -question- their ability to provide. 

"Poor Jeannie .. she had to wear my torn up hand-me-downs for years. She didn't understand that there was a difference between boy and girl clothes until she was almost 8. She little snot nosed brat called her a -dyke- because she only wore boy clothes, never wore dresses. Mom burst into tears when she had to explain what that word meant, and why the kids were so damn cruel." Rodney has begun to rub his cheek gently against the swell of Sheppard's stomach without realizing it, and the Colonel is doing everything he can to bite back the whimper of satisfaction at the action. Rodney needs all of his attention right now, and his best friend damn well deserves it, to boot.

"Dad ... he was horrible. He was a jealous asshole that resented and hated all of us. You see, he always thought he was a genius. Thought he was so clever and smarter than everyone else. He was so sure that he was going to go to college and then rule the world. Instead, he flunked out. Swore up and down that all the professors had it out for him. That he was so much -smarter- than all of them, that they targeted him and made sure he failed. So, he was -forced- to marry Mom when she got pregnant with me, and that was the second blow to his plans. Here he was, suddenly saddled with a wife and kid and no hope of living up to his full potential." Sheppard bites hard on the end of his tongue, barely managing not to split the delicate flesh at the thought of some overgrown man-child blaming his poor Rodney because the asshole wasn't as smart or spectacular as Rodney. After all, that has to be the logical conclusion to this story, right? He clamps his shoulders tightly to keep from outright shuddering at the thought.

"So, he was mean and beligerent. Told Mom that she was a useless, scared little bitch that could never survive in the world without him, that he -protected- her because she was too stupid to understand. And then, when I was old enough to understand, he told me that I was the only reason we didn't have more. If I wasn't so useless and pathetic, such a little cry baby child, etc, that -he- could somehow afford to do better for us. I was four the first time I told him he was a moron if he couldn't understand that kids are -meant- to be useless." Rodney shivers and Sheppard flexes his fingers. He wants nothing more than to reach out and punch the man that had made McKay feel this way. "It was the first time he hit me. The bastard actually folded up his hand into a fist and punched me in the face. I guess I was lucky he pulled the punch at the last minute. From that day on, I swore to myself that I would never back down from a bully." And in many ways, he never had. Even if he had to bide his time, he eventually gave them what they had coming to them.

"God, Rodney .." Sheppard whimpers the words ineffectually, because he knows that there's nothing he can -do- for his friend. 

"When he realized how smart I was, he decided that I would be his meal ticket. He, uh .. he started to get me involved in all these trivia contests. The very first one he took me to .. I bombed out pretty quickly because I didn't have any prep for it. He made me .." Rodney sucks in a breath, one hand moving down to press against his knee before he continues. "He spread raw rice on the basement floor and made me kneel in it. Rice, it uh .. it's a little like glass. It'll work its way up, under your skin like glass and it hurts so bad. Whenever I'd cry, he'd smack me in the back of the head, would push down on my knees until I stopped." Rodney carefully repositions himself so that both arms are wrapped around Sheppard's hips, clinging to him. "Eventually, I started to perform like a trained monkey, won all the contests he put me in. We ate regularly, but everything else he spent on himself. When Jeannie came along, he got meaner, started to ride me harder to find ways to make more money. When he realized that Jeannie was smart, too, he decided that we'd make the perfect sibling pair to catapault him to fame. By the time I was ready to hit collegue .. I finally told the bastard to go fuck himself. He tried to hit me again ..." Rodney shifts uncomfortably and turns his face until his nose is pressed against Sheppard's stomach. "Everyone knows they have a snapping point, right? Everyone knows that when push comes to shove, eventually, they're going to shove back. Hard. So, when he came at me, I put him down with a well placed punch. He got up, angry .. came after me again. It, uh .. it was ruled self defense." Sheppard's eyes widen, his mouth falling open in surprise when he realizes that Rodney can't bring himself to say it ... he killed his old man in self defense. "I went to collegue, then .. and never looked back. Not if I could help it .." 

Sheppard just can't take it anymore. He grabs Rodney by the shoulder and tugs until the man gets the message and scrambles up the bed. In the next moment, Sheppard is wrapped protectively around the scientist, holding him as close and tight as he dares without hurting either of them. He doesn't say anything. Why bother? Words evade him at even the easiest moments, forget one fraught with such overwhelming emotion. He would never be able to express how deeply he feels for his best friend right now.

So, he does what he does best .. acts. He tilts his head, brushes the curve of his lips against the edge of Rodney's temple and holds him as close as he can. (He will also -never- question Rodney's ability or resolve for things.)

".. we're going to be the best damn parents this Tot could ever want, Rodney McKay. We will -never- be our parents." The words are a promise and Sheppard means it with all that he is, with all the pieces of his breaking heart.

* * *

For once, it seems lucky is on their side. The relocation of Atlantis back to Pegasus goes off without a hitch. Rodney expertly pilots the City through the jump and even manages to land the city with little trouble. Once Sheppard is allowed into the control room, he actually tackles Rodney into a desperate hug, showering him in emotional praise before they go about making sure that the city is fully secure on Lantea once more. (It was decided the ship would return to it's original world, now that the Replicators were gone.)


End file.
